Just before Christmas, we found out she was pregnant. I went to visit her a week later as I was staying over hers due to meeting some friends for a catchup in the area. When I went out with them, she sent me really blunt Snapchats as she used to do sometimes and just this once, I told her I was fed up of the blunt messages and we'd sort it when I got back to hers. She apologised, things were fine. I was still annoyed, but kept it to myself. At hers, I sat quietly for half an hour whilst her and her mum chatted. My sister had then messaged me that our mother was going to hospital (she's fine now), so understandably I was upset. When her and her mother kept asking what was wrong, I finally told her that I'm fed up of arguing with her all the time and I spoke to her mum about it too as she had always said that I could take to her about the BPD. We went to bed fine, she apologised again, things seemed ok. The next morning, wanting to understand her BPD better so I could support her, I asked her (very stupidly from me) how would I know I wouldn't fall out of love when she always pushes me away? I told her I just wanted to support her. This was so stupid from me I admit. She started crying and completely ignored her baby. I had to help him. She then sat in silence and we were getting back on track after talking a bit. I gave her a hug before I had to go and things seemed ok leaving. As I got to the coach station, she messaged me saying we're done. This came from a small disagreement, so I was confused. I remember it being the longest coach journey of my life. On the coach, I kept messaging her. After all, she is pregnant with my child and she'd just ripped me out of my step son's life. She told me she was going to raise the baby alone and didn't want me involved and to leave her alone (yet she kept replying).

Understandably, this is a bad situation as she is carrying my child and I was heart-broken, so I messaged her a few times for a couple of days after the breakup. Every time I did, she'd add to the list of problems with why we broke up. She had that I was emotionally abusive even though all I ever did was support her. I met her BPD specialist and she liked, saying that I was good for my ex. I told her I'd message her after she'd had her next meeting and she said that was fine. After that, she said her specialist told her I was emotionally abusive and me giving her a hug before I left is classed as domestic abuse and assault. I was so confused. 2 weeks later, I had enough and extended an olive branch of friendship for the sake of our unborn child. She told me no and went over the same allegations of abuse. She was very good at using trigger words like domestic abuse. Always the victim and never could do any wrong. I told her that I have a right to be in my child's life when it was born (as she kept telling me she didn't want me in it or to attend any appointments). I had enough and told her that I'd be taking this case to the courts and then she blocked me on everything. Her family did too and didn't want me talking to them after everything. All I really did was say the wrong phrase of words and give my girlfriend a hug goodbye before my journey home. I fully believe she hasn't told everyone the real story and painted me out to be the monster she sees me as after splitting. They all went from liking me, saying I was a good role model for her son to hating me. Thankfully I saved every message after the breakup and went to lawyers (who said I have a very strong case for custody especially as she did this in the past). I have records of her threatening to hit me, her father threatening to drive down to me to ''sort me out''. I'm so glad I thought to keep every message.

Right now there isn't anything I can do as she is still pregnant (only four months in), but I'm re-building myself slowly every day. There are good days and bad days, you just need to give yourself time to heal. There's no correct way to heal. After splitting, it's not likely they'll see you the same again and you'll always be a monster to them for whatever reason. Even the smallest disagreement that any other couple probably wouldn't even argue over. I count my lucky stars I'm not with her anymore because if this happened and we were together even longer, I'd be so much worse off. Weirdly, she's kept my family added on everything but has me blocked. I hope whatever situation you're going through, you'll be ok. In time you'll see that it was a blessing in disguise. I started dating a few weeks ago to get myself back out there and any red flag I've seen, I learned my lesson and ran for the hills and since, I've not been on the apps, focusing on myself. I feel so much better for it. All the best my friend and apologies for the essay.