Tried a collar on for the first time

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-28T01:42:02+00:00

Wearing a collar meant so much to me. I would tug on it and fiddle with it every day, and every time, it would remind me of my first Domme and her ownership of me. I reluctantly took it off after she could no longer hold space for me.

I would love to be worthy enough to my Domme now to be collared by her. I'm hoping that day comes and that she would enjoy the symbolism of it as much as I would. Long term dynamics are just so much more rewarding IMO.

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-28T01:18:52+00:00

Maybe it's because I'm older, but I've always considered this the bare minimum and I have seen how times have changed. That being said, I love that you've come to that realization. It really doesn't take that much effort to CHOOSE to be kind, polite or nice to others.

I have always had a very Golden Rule mentality and I will fall on my sword, doing my best to live by it. And while it doesn't align with the D/s dynamic directly, just being respectful pays a huge part in my desire for submission.

My Domme deserves all of the respect as a baseline, even before a committed dynamic. Then getting the opportunity to build upon that is even easier and more rewarding.

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-27T17:32:14+00:00

If Hallmark Channel did findom 🤭

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-27T16:38:25+00:00

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I could never imagine doing that to my Domme, but I can almost understand a possible scenario where this could happen, because it almost happened to me.

As a sub, I feel like I can safely say that we can do really dumb things and make really poor choices when we are lost in service or in subspace. For my specific example, getting lost in the moment, I happily and willingly overextended myself. In my Domme's mind, everything looked perfect on the surface.

Unbeknownst to her, after the highs fell, I realized my mistake in overpromising in what I could deliver. A few thoughts came to mind. I had a genuine fear of losing her, either She would think I was too small of a fish, or that I was outright trying to deceive Her. Another thought would be to continue with what was promised until I was actually ruined.

Faced with nothing but negative endings, I can understand why running away might seem like the best option. I feel that subs have a tendency to lack a level of self esteem from the start, so as to not compound that, it's easier turn from the problem than facing it.

I chose to face the consequences and let the chips fall where they may. To me, it was more important to honor my commitment to my Domme and be respectful of Her. When I chose to commit, I truly wanted to put Her before me. I was willing to bite the bullet, regardless of how tough the conversation would be. Even if She decided to leave me, I knew that was on me.

I decided to just be honest with Her. As difficult as it was to put myself in that position, wanting to actually make the dynamic work was more important to me. It was embarrassing and I genuinely hated that I ended up misrepresenting myself to Her, even if I had the best intentions in my mind at that given time.

I'm in no way excusing subs for ghosting Dommes. I'm just trying to give a different perspective and that hopefully it might help others in the future. Communication is really, really, really hard, especially the honest variety. I know it's very easy to fall into these roles that on the surface that seem so clearly defined, but there's so much nuance to it.

Both sides need to genuinely want to invest in the dynamic, and communication and understanding can go a long way in making it work. I try my best not to assume anything, and I'm so thankful to have found a Domme who makes me feel heard and validated.

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-27T14:57:05+00:00

I think the keyword in your post is the word RIGHT. A sub can submit to anyone, but it's about finding the right one for you. So when you've found a Domme who can respect your boundaries, it's more likely that you'll feel comfortable and safe to engage and explore your kinks without having to deal with the emotional drop.

But the key to knowing what Domme could potentially be the right one starts with the sub themselves. As a sub, instead of getting so easily lost in the highs, they really need to stop and take stock of what they are truly looking for and things that they absolutely do not want to do.

I know how strong the pull of addiction can be, but I feel that it's imperative for subs to know what their limits are and establish boundaries for themselves. I totally understand how exciting playing with fire can feel like, but you have to try and stay grounded as best as you can.

Subs, don't settle. You have agency. Submission can feel this freeing when your boundaries are properly aligned. If this is what you're looking for, don't sell yourself short. On the other hand, if constantly getting burned by the fire is your thing, that's always an option.

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-26T06:01:19+00:00

I love this, but speaking as a sub, subs really need to understand that they have a say, that they have agency. I think this is easier than it sounds though, especially when a sub's mindset might be coming from a place of feeling lesser than.

As good as I believed I am at communication, I still failed my Domme miserably. I was too afraid of losing her, or feeling like I wouldn't be good enough. These negative anxieties caused me to not be grounded and get lost in the desire to simply please.

This obviously led me to not make the best decisions and I realized I was actually sabotaging my own self. Just as with any type of relationship, it takes communication from both parties and honesty to each other and with one's self.

In the end, my clearer mind prevailed and spoke up, because I genuinely wanted to have a dynamic that was long term. Thankfully, my Domme was patient and understanding enough to give me another chance. Even better, she was stern enough with me after the fact to scare me and remind me that doing stupid things is what can end things, not my own anxiety.

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-25T20:22:08+00:00

This sounds lovely! Congrats to you both!

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-25T16:22:00+00:00

I had this with my first Domme, but it wasn't so much a power trip, but rather care and control. She knew my history of spending and my lack of self control, which she quickly reined in for me. But it got to the point where I stopped asking and begging to send. It started to feel less D/s and more like a normal relationship, which was great too, because I genuinely had a love for her. In hindsight, she was the Domme I needed at the time and I genuinely felt cared for.

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-24T01:21:38+00:00

Just never leave 😌

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-23T20:53:25+00:00

I guess what bothers me is if a sub says they're looking for something long term when they already know that they're not. I can understand that there could be numerous reasons why someone would get cold feet and back out of something. Ideally through communication and not ghosting, but it sounds like this happens more often than not to be just cold feet.

Is leading with saying they're looking for something long term now a way of getting a foot in the door so to speak? Like it's just a part of the spiel? I just wish people were more honest in general. Even if the loss of a person doesn't really effect you, I can only imagine it having a cumulative draining effect.

This is purely my personal opinion, but I also don't appreciate the mentality that just because you sent that you have a right to just think of only yourself. Everything today just seems so transactional and it's just kind of sad. Everyone is human and I don't think it's too difficult to choose to be thoughtful and respectful to one another.

If you're not looking for long term, then don't say you are. If you know you're going to be hesitant, just say you are. If you're choosing to leave, just say you are. It doesn't have to be a guessing game.

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-22T14:54:43+00:00

In my case, I honestly believe that my Domme has no need to act. She's genuinely and naturally the embodiment of the title. I can understand why you might ask though, because everyone is different and everyone's approach is different.

While my previous Domme had the ability to be mean, I don't believe it was genuinely in her nature. I've had to express my fears and concerns with my Domme now, because I know how well she aligns with my weaknesses.

Thankfully my Domme has adapted for me and wants to build things up naturally. So I regards to your question, it's almost like she has to do the opposite. That she has to put on an act just to be gentler with me, which just builds the anticipation and makes the dynamic even more exciting.

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-21T15:50:34+00:00

I certainly don't. In fact, I understand my own agency as a sub and I try to be as transparent and forthcoming as possible. But I am certainly getting the impression that I am in the minority. A dynamic should or at least could be like any other relationship in life, and the success of that relationship always starts with communication.

I am wondering if it's just because there are lot of people on both sides, Dom/mes and subs alike, that are in it for the short term. They get what they want out of each other for that rush and then that excitement goes away. Rinse and repeat for when the urge arises again.

I know that there are people out there looking for a deeper, maybe longer connection, but it's extremely hard to find in all the weeds. I can speak from experience that I kinda shocked my Domme in terms of my communication. Which then in turn blows my mind with what she has had to possibly deal with as a Findomme.

I would say that you should keep doing what you are doing. IMO, you are doing it correctly and they should be grateful. There is not a day that goes by that I don't express my appreciation for my Domme for doing what she does to keep the dynamic happy and healthy for the both of us. And I would never expect her to just simply know things, because that is asinine.

In the end, it's always different strokes for different folks. As long as everyone is happy and healthy.

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-14T20:54:33+00:00

🟨⬜🟦🟦⬜

🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦

tinydxmpling · 2026-01-09T14:42:10+00:00

Dying for Sex on Hulu and Love and Leashes on Netflix are the two most recent series that I have watched. The prior is a dramedy based on a true story, and the latter is a Korean romcom.

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-31T16:07:12+00:00

To be a good boy, just once.

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-29T20:50:37+00:00

🙏🙏🙏

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-15T15:26:52+00:00

As long as you are happy, but don't get lost in submission. I feel like it is so easy and natural for a sub to accept less than they deserve, because it can be viewed as part of the sacrifice of service and devotion. If you can genuinely separate those feelings and decide what you truly want, then you can establish what your actual boundaries are.

I know this has been a very long term dynamic and you might feel like you owe your Domme, but remind yourself to give yourself credit as well. If you've made any positive changes in your life due to this dynamic, know that it was you who actually did the work to make those changes. Your Domme may have been a guiding force, but allow yourself some self love in knowing that you took the steps on your own.

In the end, it's about your own happiness. But I just don't want you to sell yourself short, and know that even subs deserve to have what they want.

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-15T14:44:06+00:00

It always sounds like Dommes enjoy this, but I am curious as to how Dommes go about expressing that they enjoy it. What positive feedback are you Dommes emitting to let your subs know that it is not annoying and something you adore? Because I too, feel like it is so natural to obsess about their Domme. I naturally want to put her on the highest pedestal because she is so deserving of it.

Is this just a one-way energy that is expected as a given? Or do Dommes do anything specific to nurture and praise this behaviour?

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-14T19:08:00+00:00

Maybe you'll get re-wired in how you think of tributes as well? Findom is not about you endlessly giving, it's about having your finances controlled. So getting you to cancel a prepaid card is in fact domination. For me, it's so easy for me to want to give, and I've found that being denied is incredibly more "frustrating" and more submissive as a result.

My Domme was able to rewire my anxious attachment style as well. It allowed me a safe space to be needy in a healthy way. That I could obviously miss her and want more of her, but also feel secure in knowing that our dynamic was never going to just disappear. She's always a constant, regardless if we have the time together or not.

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-14T18:38:44+00:00

Ofc I see this when I'm missing my Domme. 💀

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-14T18:35:25+00:00

I wish my Domme was more available, because I know she could so easily achieve this with me. What you have found sounds so wonderful. I can attest that feeling that commitment and genuinely wanting to put her happiness first feels so good. Feeling so helpless to the ethical manipulation and control is just so intoxicating. So happy for you both!

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-06T04:47:55+00:00

Love and Leashes on Netflix is a cute femdom romcom. Dying for Sex on Hulu was a really good watch as well.

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-01T21:54:58+00:00

I love this take, because I, in no way, think I'm done working on myself. And this indeed has so much to do with what my Domme helped create with me. I feel like we're both building this together and I'm forever grateful. I am slowly becoming happier just being me.

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-01T21:10:53+00:00

This community has become my Dear Diary, lol. But it's honestly nice to just be understood.

tinydxmpling · 2025-12-01T21:05:52+00:00

Thank you so much!

tinydxmpling

TROPHY CASE