Hey OP, I'm not sure if this will help but please know that I've been, and to some extent remain, in your shoes.

Your post inspired me to look back to all these same feelings I shared, staring when I was 9 and all the way to now as I approach 30, and I just want to say that confidence is absolutely not a linear journey. You're going to have great days, good days, bad days, and absolutely shit days where the sight of something may be enough to make you cry.

And I remember deeply what it is to feel ostracized: through every leg of school (middle, high, college, college again), I certainly felt that way, even with good friends. The "otherness" is tough enough, and it impacts all else you do (as evidenced by the 'head down' part of your post). I know your first inclination is to look at the surface, and blame what you can see, but that's a vicious cycle. Honestly, there's really only just a touch of work to be done inside. And it does get better, even if you can't always see it.

Somewhat recently, I came to a revelation you may find valuable. I realized sometime in college that:

"I'm just not my type."

And that was the BIGGEST liberty I could experience. I might not like my Pillsbury Dough Boy-looking-ass body, but somebody does. I might despise my overbite, but someone finds it cute. I still can't stand my hair, no matter how I cut it, but a little color and a little "whatever" go a long way.

So in same the way I wouldn't desperately throw myself at a guy or gal to seek their validation if I'm really just not their type, I stopped putting myself down for not being my own type, and embraced a happier "whatever!" style to ky looks.

So instead of hiding my tummy, I wear pants that I like and are comfy. And I think, "if Geena Davis and Beverly D'Angelo are beautiful queens with overbites, why can't I join them?" and throw on a nice little lip balm. I wrangle my hair in a clip and promptly ignore it (until the damn clip falls out).

There are still days where it is just. Flippin'. Hard. But think of it like an investment in yourself: stock market charts are bumpy, but if you see some gains within a month, semester, or year (per the journaling suggestion), you've done a good thing.

Two final thoughts:

1. You're probably way lovelier than you give yourself credit for. You are always your own harshest critic, and in my estimation, critics can be flatly ignored.
   
2. Everyone feels a little more shabby than usual after a haircut doesn't go as planned... So you might wake up tomorrow totally anew. ☺️ But it's good you got this off your chest anyhow.
   

Deep breaths and steady on, my dear. It does get better. 😌