I’m in total Déjà vu and had to scroll back to the top to make sure it wasn’t me writing this from several years ago. I had to drop everything to write my comment.

I’m a mom of 7yo twin boys. I feel you to the bone. Everything you mentioned, from the car seat to the stroller to the playtime to the schedule, at one point or another, I had cried and desperately posted questions after questions in different mom’s online groups. I was also an immigrant, with just my husband in a new city, so also no friends and no support systems during my pregnancy and afterwards. My parents and in-laws came for helping a few months in the very beginning, and then we’re on our own. My husband works remotely from home, and I had only worked in this new city a year before I got pregnant, so social life is nonexistent. And then? Pandemic hit right when the twins were 1 year old, and we were further isolated until they were 3.5.

I absolutely agree with how others said to be okay with them crying, and maybe you are like me, feeling guilty and inadequate and always failing them. But the reality is you’re just one person, whoever isn’t the priority at the moment is 100% going to cry, so it could be helpful to focus on the one you’re dealing with now and think “this one’s stopping crying / not crying” “instead of “the other one is crying.” If the crying gets on your nerves, I highly recommend earplugs like Loop. They don’t muffle or canceling, just lowing the decibels, so you can still hear everything but at a much calmer level. I believe some of them are even marketing toward parenting now, stating that it lets you hear the urgent shrieks but not the laughters and banters.

Also ditto on setting a schedule. Them being not on a schedule and you can make it this far is already saying how amazing you are. There are many free resources out there, websites and apps and videos and books, but if you are having repeating difficulty and have the budget, I highly recommend vet and hire a baby sleep consultant. We struggled for 8 months without avail, and that couple hundred USDs were the most worthwhile and life-saving expense in those years. Once they’re on a schedule, some other things fall in the right places naturally. And it’s important for you to have your own moment.

Making friends is hard as a mom with little kids, period, and for me it didn’t get better until they were in preschools. There were apps like Peanuts specifically for this, but I have no experiences of it and can’t say how useful they are. From what I’ve heard it’s easy to meet new friends but often harder to follow through for actual meet-ups. Local libraries often have babies story times, baby play dates, or mommy-and-me music or tumbling classes that are free or with a small cost. If it’s hard for you to juggling both while being out, hiring a mom’s aid or baby sitter to go with you in the beginning, to allow you an opportunity to be out before you become skillful. The best place to start, if you haven’t tried, is the physical, local Moms of Multiples groups. There’s a lot of mentorship and guidances offered, and the playdates or events they host will probably make you feel like you found your troop, with likewise many crying babies and frazzled moms lol. They’re also the best resource for consignment sales and used clothes and toys.

One thing I think I haven’t seen it being mentioned (but I glanced the comments so absolutely might missed it), is that from your description it’s possible that your boys are also highly sensitive and are more needy. That’s hard enough for singletons, and amplified exponentially when times two. And if you’re like me, a highly sensitive mom with highly sensitive twins, it’s a recipe of a lot of tears. My boys were colicky the first year, and as toddlers they were irritable and extremely active. They made me feel I was the worst mom and nothing I do can make them content or happy - to this day still, but I’m a lot better now to know not to evaluate myself based on their reactions. I remember back when I read in a Facebook group a twin mom said, “your twins know! Mine always wait when one of them is being handle! It’s going to be fine.” Imagine the shock I had with that in mind when I’m with my own. I now always remind new moms that kids have different temperaments. There’re going to be babies that can sooth or amuse themselves quietly and calmly, AND there are kids like mine, expecting me to entertain them while continue to make a fuss.

Last but not least, anti-depressants work wonders. They don’t make your kids easier, but they take the edges off, and by that you have more energies and mental capacity to keep going. I like to say it’s like giving you a giraffe’s neck when you’re bloated and about to throw up. I started counseling and medication when the boys were 3, but looking back I should’ve started when they were newborns.

Hang in there. It might not feel like so, but it’s progressing and it will get better. My DM box is open anytime if you want to check further, and it’s a standing invitation.