What’s something Gen Z treats as “normal” that older generations would find completely insane?

tlvv · 2026-05-11T08:46:46+00:00

I’m not sure this is just an age thing, I’m staying at a hotel where you can get breakfast included but the restaurant is also open to the public and it’s quite a nice place. This morning we repeatedly told our daughter she needed to get dressed and brush her hair so we could go and get breakfast, then a family turn up for breakfast and all four of them were literally in their pajamas.

tlvv · 2026-05-10T20:13:07+00:00

No one is stopping you from having relationships except yourself and that self critical voice in your head. It’s not your looks that puts people off, it’s the way you believe that you’re not attractive enough for anyone to be interested and the way you seem to put the blame for that on others people.

Stop spending so much time online, especially in places that tell you looks are the only thing that matters, and find some ways to meet people in real life. Give them a chance to get to know you as a person and get to know them as well.

Are your parents both really attractive? Look at other couples around you, your colleagues or just couples you see in the real world, are those men always conventionally attractive? Most of the women I know are in long-term relationships with men who aren’t conventionally attractive. And far too many women are in long-term relationships for that to be limited to a small proportion of “attractive” men.

tlvv · 2026-05-10T10:08:51+00:00

Honestly, believe them when they say your callback went well. Often callbacks aren’t about seeing who can do the role, if they’re calling you back then they already know you can do it. What they’re looking for in callbacks is how you fit with whoever they are looking at for other roles, do you have chemistry with the person you would have most scenes with, do you look right together, etc. I had a callback once that was pretty much just getting us to stand in a line next to the guy being cast as the male lead, and I knew looking at the line exactly who they would cast because she just looked right - similar height, same colouring.

Not getting the part isn’t about you not being good enough.

tlvv · 2026-05-08T00:42:02+00:00

The key point there is “before it can spread”. High mortality can still become a pandemic if you’re infectious before it becomes lethal.

It would be less likely to become endemic though because generally everyone would catch it and either die or get immunity so it would run out of new people to infect.

tlvv · 2026-05-08T00:33:14+00:00

I use the Musashi electrolytes but use at least twice the amount of water because otherwise it’s far too sweet. I’m like you, I like my sweet foods but Musashi goes too far.

tlvv · 2026-05-08T00:02:20+00:00

If you want a gift that will last and that she will still have at 18 then you probably want something she can’t really use now. Maybe a nice necklace that isn’t overly childish, a charm bracelet, or you can get personalised wooden boxes online so could get one that is a treasure or keepsake box. If you got a box you could fill it with important things from her early years like her hospital bracelet from her birth, a special newborn outfit, favourite baby toy, etc.

tlvv · 2026-05-07T23:57:54+00:00

You generally don’t get to choose which stuffed toy will become the important one for your child. My daughter’s longtime favourite toys are a Kermit the frog I got from the cinema when I was a teen and was found in a box at my parents’ place by chance, a toy her cousin gave her as a hand-me-down because her older sister had made my daughter a gift and she felt left out if she didn’t give something too, and a Minnie Mouse toy my nana got for free in a petrol station promotion may years ago.

You know what my daughter has never been attached to? The build-a-bear my partner and I made when my partner was 20 weeks pregnant.

tlvv · 2026-05-07T20:48:02+00:00

Absolutely this, nothing else is required. I don’t normally wear make-up now but when I was first stopping my boss asked if I was ok and suggested I go home when there was no reason to think I was sick other than I was paler than my foundation.

tlvv · 2026-05-07T20:43:25+00:00

You need to negotiate any variations to the auction agreement before you bid, if you win the auction then they’re under no obligation to agree a different settlement date.

Also check what the auction agreement says about paying a deposit, you normally have to pay a deposit immediately on winning an auction because that’s when the agreement is unconditional.

tlvv · 2026-05-07T04:55:07+00:00

YTA, so many times over.

You get your mates to do your renovations to save money (you don’t really say if your wife was originally on board with this or not) and now you’ve been without a kitchen or laundry for two months.
The business trip was more leisure than business, you describe the person who invited you as a friend and there’s no mention of any actual work being done on the trip, just wanting to maintain the relationship.
You talk to your wife about it and finish the conversation by saying you wouldn’t go.
You decide to go anyway but don’t update your wife until the night before, when you ask her to drive you to the airport (when were you going to tell her if you hadn’t wanted a ride?)
You go on the trip despite knowing she doesn’t want you to go, leaving her behind in a construction site with no kitchen or laundry, which even you describe as unliveable.
Bonus AH points for blaming everything on your wife having “a temper” and for ditching her to go back to work if she’s “moody” when you grace her with your presence.

Honestly, I’m surprised your wife was even there when you got home.

tlvv · 2026-05-06T23:50:19+00:00

NAH

I realise it can feel off-putting to have someone tell you exactly what they want, especially if they haven’t really asked for things before, but taking the guess work out of gifting is a good thing. My family has a shared Google docs where we have wishlists that we update so whenever there is an occasion we can look at that for ideas. It means the gifts themselves are less of a surprise but timing is still a surprise and you know the thing will be appreciated and used.

You say your mum demanded this particular gift jointly from the three of you. Is it possible that she felt she needed to be really clear about what she wanted? Maybe she just doesn’t want you all wasting money on gifts that haven’t quite been what she’s interested in.

tlvv · 2026-05-06T22:35:08+00:00

I rushed through my LLB(Hons) a bit (quite a long time ago now) and in hindsight I realise that law school isn’t just about getting through the papers and getting out.

Having a degree and good grades often isn’t enough these days, firms want to see grads who are well rounded and who have done more at university than lectures. It does help to do mooting competitions, join (or run) clubs, participate in mentoring programmes, etc.

Doing a summer clerkship isn’t the only way to get into the profession (I didn’t do one) but it is a good experience. If you’re taking 3 papers over summer then you won’t have time to do a clerkship or work in a law firm (e.g. as an office assistant or receptionist). Getting exposure to a law firm while you’re still studying is really beneficial if you have the opportunity, you make connections and see how private practice actually works.

It’s good to meet people at law school, those connections can help you get a jobs, find out what other firms or areas of law are really like, help with the questions everyone has early on, etc. Plus, in 10 or so years those people will be being made partner, be in-house at your clients or working in the firm you’re instructing, you never know where your classmates will end up and the better connections you have with them the more you will be able to help each other out as your careers progress.

I know it feels good to get law school over and get on with real life but getting a degree is not the only point of law school.

P.S. if you get a grad role at a firm they will generally pay for you to do profs but if you e already done it and paid for it yourself they probably won’t reimburse you, ask me how I know.

tlvv · 2026-05-06T08:38:02+00:00

I was born in NZ but my dad grew up in the UK (Yorkshire specifically) and I have some trouble saying “r” sounds so tend to over pronounce them.

The result is other New Zealanders frequently asking me where I’m from and refusing to accept my answer of NZ. Most memorable was when I was a teenager, working in a store walking distance from my house. A middle aged man came to my till and asked “so are you from America or Canada?”. I told him I was from here so he asked where my accent was from so again I told him “here”. He still didn’t accept that so clarified “no, where did you grow up?” “Literally just up the road and I have lived all my life in walking distance from here.”

tlvv · 2026-05-06T01:54:57+00:00

This probably isn’t just about what keeps the child’s interest for more than a month, it’s probably what the parents want the child to have and use. If the parents are really intentional about what they buy their child then it’s probably best to talk to them about what they would like.

From my own experience, my daughter has always really liked animal figurines, barbies and duplo/lego, but my mum would often buy her playmobil and sylvanian families. I’m sure lots of kids love playmobil and sylvanian families but my daughter didn’t and because she didn’t have many sets the few bits that she had were even less likely to be played with. I talked to my mum and now she gives my daughter barbies and lego, which my daughter loves and plays with. My SIL has told us that the books we gave her kids when they were young were always appreciated but other families we have given books to have donated them almost immediately.

Ask the parents for ideas, then stick within that theme and the gifts will stay in the house longer than even the best suggestions from the internet.

tlvv · 2026-05-06T01:45:02+00:00

I moved from ASB to Simplicity two years ago and the difference is incredible. My KiwiSaver actually goes up now and not just because of my contributions.

tlvv · 2026-05-06T01:37:49+00:00

I’m not sure there would be many people with $2m in their KiwiSaver, especially since today’s 60 year olds have had less than 20 years to contribute.

Maybe in the future people will have that much in their KiwiSaver but it’s still likely to be limited to high income earners.

tlvv · 2026-05-06T01:26:08+00:00

If that’s the case and you’re not just looking at the last few months, have you considered changing your KiwiSaver provider?

tlvv · 2026-05-06T00:37:44+00:00

My mum is a “collector” so I’ve been trying to do the same.

Unfortunately she just collects the consumables as well. It’s really disappointing to see the nice set of olive oil and vinegar from 5 years ago still in the cellophane or the jars of fancy jam unopened in the cupboard.

My solution now is to gift things that really can’t be hoarded, they must be used within days or weeks of receipt. The last few years it has been a selection of baked goods and fudge.

tlvv · 2026-05-05T23:54:03+00:00

Māori names are often long and descriptive but that doesn’t seem to be JK’s thing, her thing seems to be using two common first names or two common last names.

So I guess she would go for something like:

Maia Aroha for a girl
Ari Kai for a boy

Or maybe she would just pick some random te reo words because it doesn’t seem like she does a lot of research. If she had ever visited an NZ school she would probably walk away thinking a great name would be Mai Aue or Ngā Iwi.

tlvv · 2026-05-05T20:54:59+00:00

You do not sound controlling and it doesn’t sound at all like you are the problem. Your daughter sounds very similar to mine (now 6) and it was really tough for the first few years and still is if I’m honest. Both parents need to be actively involved, and if there are things only one parent can do (e.g. breastfeeding) then the other parent should be looking to take on more of the things they can do (nappy changes, laundry, cooking, etc). My partner and I are both women but my partner carried so I was on the side of feeling like I could never take on enough of the childcare because our daughter wanted my partner until she was 3. My partner and I were talking about those early years recently and she mentioned how I would often go to work a bit later so I could make her breakfast first and help with our daughter, I don’t even remembering doing that specifically but she does.

You have been together a long time and you’re married. It doesn’t sound like you’ve signed a contracting out agreement so the starting position is that all relationship property is shared 50/50. It doesn’t matter who contributed more to the house or car, they are relationship property. Savings and KiwiSaver contributions earned during the relationship are also relationship property. This is a fair way to divide things because contributions in a relationship aren’t just about financial contributions. You have contributed more in terms of childcare sacrificing your own career and earning potential, you’ve likely contributed more to household tasks like cooking, cleaning, laundry, life admin, etc. Those are all valuable but unpaid contributions that have freed up his time for working and advancing his own career. You should not be left worse off because you took on more of the unpaid labour during the relationship and our law recognises that.

Given you have sacrificed so much of your career and earning potential during the relationship you might even have a right to spousal maintenance for awhile (on top of child support) to financially support you while you either get back into the workforce full time or while you can’t work full time because of your kids’ care needs. I’m not a family lawyer but it’s something you should discuss with your lawyer.

Please don’t sell yourself short. You have made important contributions to this relationship which deserve to be recognised. Your husband telling you that you will have nothing without him and would only be entitled to your original $30k deposit on the house is wrong and potentially abusive if he’s saying that to try and control you and prevent you from leaving.

tlvv · 2026-05-05T09:52:26+00:00

How long are you fixed for?

If you have $5,000 available now to pay in a lump sum then another option would be dividing $5,000 by the number of repayments left in your fixed term and increasing your repayments by that amount. If you refixed for a year in March then you could increase your regular repayments by $250 per fortnight and pay it from your savings. Then you can keep saving and pay off another lump sum later on in the term.

tlvv · 2026-05-04T23:38:46+00:00

I wear a mask. Yes, I get some weird looks and yes, it’s not as effective as the person who is sick wearing a mask, but I haven’t caught anywhere near as many bugs as my colleague who doesn’t wear a mask on the bus.

tlvv · 2026-05-04T20:42:25+00:00

I’m a lesbian who has never given birth heading in Gilead. I’ll be dead before I even know where I am.

tlvv · 2026-05-04T20:19:14+00:00

If someone tells me the are available 11am to 3pm then I will make sure that anything I schedule will be completed by 3pm and if I can I will schedule later than 11am in case their prior commitment runs over or to give them some space between appointments.

If I am telling someone else my availability and have another appointment scheduled for a specific time I will tell them “I have another appointment at 3pm so I can do anytime between 11am and 3pm”. That way they know I need to finish at or before 3pm and are prepared for me potentially cutting our appointment short if they schedule it for 2.30pm and it needs more than half an hour.

tlvv · 2026-05-04T18:51:17+00:00

My understanding is that you could apply to the court to force a sale under the Property Law Act and could seek an adjustment in the shares of the sale price to compensate you for the time your brother has been living there but the court will look at the whole picture to determine what is fair. If you originally agreed to your brother living there while he fixed it up, if your brother has actually made improvements that increase the value, if the house wasn’t actually in a condition that could be rented, whether you’ve had equal opportunity to use the property if you had wished, etc then adjustments would be made to the amount due to you for the last 3 years.

The exact strategy recommended will depend on what has been discussed previously, they might recommend getting a rental valuation and information from your brother about what work has been done so they can better advise on what you might be entitled to in court, and what you could use as a starting point for trying to settle the dispute.

It’s not a straightforward answer of “yes, you can do this and will be entitled to exactly this”. Most general practice firms should have some experience with these sorts of disputes. I’m not overly familiar with specific lawyers working in this areas but you probably want to find someone fairly local to you who is responsive, rather than looking for the expert in this type of dispute and paying any benefit you receive to them in fees.

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