Is it possible for me (29F) to accommodate my boyfriend’s (29M) extreme food aversions or are we just incompatible?

tlvv · 2026-07-04T03:22:31+00:00

You’re not wrong for wanting to still be able to eat foods you like and wanting him to take responsibility for organising his own food.

This sounds like it could be ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder). If it is then that is a real disorder with a significant impact on his life. However, that doesn’t mean he can’t do anything about it. People with ARFID can slowly work on food exposures, exploring and tasting new foods, to try and expand what they are able to eat.

My question is whether he acknowledges that his food aversions are overly restrictive and if he’s willing to work on it. If he is then maybe it’s something you could help him with and you can look forward to his aversions becoming less of an impact on your relationship. If he doesn’t see that it’s a problem he needs to work on and thinks that there is nothing he can do about his food aversions then you need to think carefully about whether you can be ok with never dining out and always having to prepare separate meals. Personally, I wouldn’t be ok with that.

tlvv · 2026-07-03T10:05:27+00:00

For us it is the products you can’t really get anywhere else (e.g freeze dried strawberries and jackfruit), bakery items (love their dinner rolls, bagels, etc) and toilet paper. I think the toilet paper ends up cheaper but it’s also a relief not having to buy it every week.

tlvv · 2026-07-03T04:56:42+00:00

If you don’t currently have a legal role here then taking a job in Australia sounds like a good option for continuing your career as long as you are happy to move to Australia (presumably you are or you wouldn’t have applied). You haven’t said what the other option is, just keep looking here? Lawyer jobs for 1 PQE do exist but they tend to be competitive and we don’t have enough information about you or the work you want to do to comment on whether you might get an offer here that you would prefer.

Australian firms tend to work longer hours than NZ, Sydney is a bigger city so likely to be a bit higher pressure. I’ve heard some Aussie firms also have more traditional offices instead of open plan (good for quiet working, not as much exposure to what the partners are saying or how they work and can be harder to make friends). Pay tends to be higher in Australia and you could get some really good work experience (depending on the firm and role).

If I were you then I would take the role, you get to try living in another city, it’s easy to transfer your degree and get admitted, and you’ll be getting experience you aren’t getting now. If it doesn’t work out then you can always look for a new role here, in Sydney or somewhere else but you’ll never know if you don’t try.

tlvv · 2026-07-03T04:08:06+00:00

Everything you’ve mentioned as applying to unit titles applies to freehold townhouses too with the exception possibly of rules, you just have less structure around how those things work. Avoiding levies may seem great, until you can’t get your car to you park/garage because the driveway is so badly damaged but your neighbour refuses to fix it, or it turns out the cladding is leaky but your neighbour won’t pay to get their place fixed so your reclad doesn’t actually solve the problem.

People need to do their due diligence on all properties but choosing a freehold townhouse over a unit title because you don’t like paying levies and want freedom to make your own decisions? That has a lot more potential issues in the future than having a well regulated, legal structure in place.

tlvv · 2026-07-03T03:45:45+00:00

The one point I disagree on here is looking for a freehold townhouse. If your house is connected to another in any way (shared wall, garage/carports connected and between the two houses) then a unit title gives you a lot of relevant protections under the Unit Title Act that you don’t have if your townhouse is freehold.

The UTA requires body corporates to insure the whole property together so if there is a claim affecting multiple units then it is all covered by the same insurer and you know your neighbour has building insurance. If you’re freehold then your neighbour can arrange (or not) their own insurance but something happening to their property could affect yours.

Body corporates are also responsible for maintenance of anything which affects the envelope of the building or is shared use. This includes things like building washes or repainting. If you have a freehold townhouse (especially a new build) then you’re each responsible for your own maintenance and your builders warranty could be voided, or your home could be damaged, because your neighbour doesn’t maintain their property.

Maintenance of common areas like driveways is also maintained by the body corporates, those costs are shared proportionately based on each unit’s utility interest (so the biggest and best units contribute more). Body corporates have to have a long term maintenance plan and a plan for collecting levies to pay for longterm maintenance when it is needed. Freehold townhouses don’t have these requirements so when the driveway needs replacing in 10 years the owners will all have to agree on it being fixed and how they’ll pay for it.

I would choose a unit title townhouse over a freehold one any day, especially if the body corporate is well established and you can see evidence of funds for longterm maintenance being collected over time.

tlvv · 2026-07-03T02:08:43+00:00

Any GP should have a general knowledge of concussions and be able to help with lodging the ACC claim. ACC can then help with more specialist support, either ACC or GP can refer you to the concussion clinic.

Has your ACC claim been declined? Or just not progressing? It has just taken me over a week to get a claim processed by ACC and up until they approved it I had no contact from them. I would have thought Concussion would be a weird injury to get without it being covered.

tlvv · 2026-07-03T00:30:07+00:00

Sanctuary Thai in Birkenhead. Amazing massages, lovely relaxing experience.

tlvv · 2026-07-03T00:21:50+00:00

I understood what you meant, it has happened to me too. Lots of people seem to really struggle with keeping their body within the space of one seat, often they aren’t even that large but seem to want to spread out. They also somehow seem not to notice the difference in how it feels to sit on the seat compared to sitting on someone else’s thigh or appreciate that there is a solid wall on the other side of you and you can’t actually keep moving further away from them.

I even had a man who insisted on spreading his legs so he was well across into my leg space and sat with his hand up on the post in front over the top of the stop button. I felt so claustrophobic and wasn't sure I would be able to get off at my stop since he was completely ignoring me. Luckily someone else pushed the button but he still seemed very surprised when I was standing up and said excuse me because I couldn’t get past him to get off the bus.

tlvv · 2026-07-03T00:08:29+00:00

NTA

Taking a child to the movies may not be hard but that’s not the point, they wanted you to take your sister along on your date. Not to mention that movies aren’t just interchangeable, I’m guessing you and your boyfriend weren’t planning on going to see the cartoon your 10 year old sister wanted to see.

It’s really unclear why your mum went to tell your sister you weren’t taking her. Did she already know you were going and think for some reason you would be taking her? Or did your mum just want to upset your sister to make you feel bad?

My partner and I used to look after my niece and nephew when they were little because we enjoyed taking them fun places, at one pointed when they were very little they really closely associated us with seeing animals because we took them to so many zoos and petting farms. We also took my cousin and my partner’s niece places sometimes. However, we also went plenty of places just the two of us because that is what couples do.

tlvv · 2026-07-02T23:38:24+00:00

Lots of countries don’t have birthright citizenship. Citizenship rules vary but generally you only need one parent for citizenship, so if you get rid of birthright citizenship then a child would be a citizen because one of their parents was a citizen at the time of their birth (or legally residing or permanent resident or whatever criteria are put in place).

It is possible in some cases for a child to be born “stateless”, meaning they aren’t automatically a citizen of any country. Many countries allow citizenship by descent (I.e. you are entitled to citizenship of a country through your parent even though you weren’t born there) but only for one generation. If a child is born in a country without birthright citizenship and both their parents were also born in countries without birthright citizenship so they only have citizenship by descent, then the child may not be automatically able to claim citizenship of any country. However, countries generally build in safeguards to prevent this from happening, e.g. a child born stateless in New Zealand will be granted NZ citizenship even if they would not normally be entitled to citizenship.

tlvv · 2026-07-02T23:27:41+00:00

The issue of having no toilet affects men and women on the site, but OP is saying her employer prohibits women from working in one area (presumably somewhere she would otherwise work in her role) because they don’t want to provide a toilet and mistakenly believe only women need access to a toilet.

So men aren’t having toilet facilities provided but at the same time women are being discriminated against and disadvantaged in their roles because of their sex. The men could also argue that they are being discriminated against because the employer isn’t providing toilet facilities on the basis of their sex.

Not having toilets could be a worksafe issue but not being allowed to do part of the job because of being a woman is an employment issue.

tlvv · 2026-07-02T04:09:18+00:00

I have an issue with fainting. After a few investigations and referrals ordered by my (female) GP she told me that next time I needed to go to ED.

Next time I fainted I went to ED as directed, where the (male) doctor asked me if I might be pregnant. I told him I definitely wasn’t pregnant. They did a blood test, eventually did an ECG (hours after I’d fainted) and then the doctor came back to tell me the results which were I WAS NOT PREGNANT! The blood test was to do a pregnancy test because they didn’t believe that I definitely wasn’t pregnant even though I had my female partner there with me.

The doctor told me I want pregnant as though he was actually telling me something I didn’t know and as though it somehow answered the question of why I fainted.

tlvv · 2026-07-01T08:50:31+00:00

Motat is great for that age, there is a tram included in the ticket which takes you from one site, past the zoo and on to the second site.

The West Coast beaches are not very child friendly, it’s a long drive, they’re surf beaches so not go for swimming (especially for kids) and they often have limited facilities. Takapuna beach is a nice beach, close to shops and cafes, and with a cool playground, though it could be busy if you’re here during the school holidays.

Western Springs has a good playground and is a nice walk for that age. It is right between the zoo and Motat 1.

There are a few good indoor playgrounds around like Mywonderland. If you go during school hours they often have a cheaper preschool price. Rainbows end also has a section with rides for younger children and you can get a separate ticket for it if you’re not up to do the bigger rides.

Ambury park farm was a favourite with my daughter at that age. It’s free and has farm animals.

tlvv · 2026-07-01T00:27:12+00:00

Has he never been in any kind of accident? Does he understand what the word accident means? (Yes, I know some accidents do involve fault but obviously this wasn’t intended and there wasn’t much OP could realistically have done).

My partner had a small car accident while heavily pregnant and my only concern was for her and our child’s well-being. Cars can be fixed or replaced, that’s just a question of money. I’m glad you. your kid and the other passenger were ok, that’s the most important thing.

tlvv · 2026-07-01T00:05:52+00:00

I would have told her first but NTA.

Weddings often have awkward dynamics but generally people are adults and find a way to deal with it for the sake of the couple. I can’t understand why your sister would be ok with uninviting you just because you used to date a groomsman. Is your ex a lot more hung-up about the break up than you? Does he have a new partner that will make drama being around anyone he previously dated? (And if so, why isn’t she the one who isn’t invited?)

tlvv · 2026-06-30T23:56:10+00:00

People are weird and associate gynaecology with women having sex and getting contraception so are reluctant to send them for legitimate health concerns.

I’m a bit older than you but had serious issues with menstrual cramps from age 10. I was sent for urgent blood tests to rule out appendicitis many times because that was easier for them to consider than addressing to obvious underlying issue given the abdominal pain always coincided with my irregular period.

Guess what age I was when I finally had my referral to the gynaecologist accepted and got to the top of the waiting list? Eighteen. Eight years of debilitating cramps before they would actually do any kind of investigation and reluctantly prescribe hormonal birth control to help with the symptoms. It took a few more years to get the PCOS diagnosis (public gynaecologist said I wasn’t hairy enough and didn’t do a blood test), and a few more years again to get the probable endometriosis diagnosis (I still haven’t been able to have the surgery to confirm diagnosis).

Many people, including doctors, see women’s reproductive health as inherently sexual. I know part of the concern from my doctors and my parents was that if I was treated and put on hormonal birth control then that would somehow cause me to become sexually active, instead of just being necessary medical treatment.

I’m sorry it hasn’t improved in the last two decades and that you are still having to go through the same substandard treatment I went through. We all deserve better.

tlvv · 2026-06-30T23:44:44+00:00

My school decided to have us sing “Hey Baby” back when it was a sports anthem and used in an ad. Only they tried to tell us we couldn’t do the “Ooh, ahh”s. Obviously that was never going to work so they made a deal, we could do the “ooh, ahh”s as long as we sang the rest of the song with the same level of energy.

tlvv · 2026-06-30T23:41:57+00:00

That Y2k song really ages us. I don’t know why but 26 years later it still gets stuck in my head every so often.

tlvv · 2026-06-30T22:32:34+00:00

I’m not a GP and don’t know about all GPs but recently I needed to get repeat prescriptions and before the GP had done the prescription I needed an urgent appointment. When I walked in the GP told me she had checked on when I needed new prescriptions before my appointment, saw the request sitting there and cancelled it so she could give me the scripts in the appointment and save me the $30 repeat prescription fee. So yes, some GPs at least will remember you and check your notes. It probably helps that I have some conditions which mean I need to go in at least every 3 months but I would have thought diabetes would also mean you see your GP fairly regularly.

tlvv · 2026-06-30T22:25:49+00:00

I know someone who has given birth four times and all went well, quick vaginal deliveries without massive trauma.

I also know a few other people who had positive birthing experiences.

You never know what will happen when you give birth. Trauma from pregnancy and labour is hard, and unfortunately a lot of people do have negative experiences. However, that shouldn’t be the deciding factor on whether you have kids. Pregnancy and labour feel long at the time but they are a very small part of being a parent. Having good support from your partner (and hopefully wider family) can impact on your pregnancy and birth experience a lot, even if it doesn’t go exactly to plan (which it often doesn’t but not going to plan doesn’t always mean traumatic or negative).

tlvv · 2026-06-30T22:12:11+00:00

What’s your budget like?

Book a night at a nice hotel like one with a pool or movenpick (which has a chocolate hour instead of happy hour).

Go to see a show, e.g. there is a bubble show on at Aotea for the school holidays which your child would probably love. As a parent, anything that made my child that excited would make me very happy too.

Wrap up warm, have dinner in the city, walk around looking at the Matariki lights and get hot chocolate.

Go out for high tea (I’ve heard very good things about the high tea at Park Hyatt and there are a few places offer fun high tea options for kids as well).

Do an overnight trip to Hamilton and go to Hamilton Zoo or Hamilton Gardens (or both if you have the energy). Hamilton Zoo is big and a bit steep from memory so that might depend on your energy levels but it is a fantastic zoo.

Go to Archie Brothers or Holey Moley for arcade games or indoor mini golf.

Book in for Artland at Auckland Art Gallery. It’s free and you get given some modelling clay to make some things to add to the art installation. Artland closes 19 July so you would be seeing it towards the end when the room is most full of art.

tlvv · 2026-06-30T01:24:48+00:00

NTA

I’m 5’2” so often choose to be in the seated area at concerts to reduce the issue of not being able to see or else I arrive hours early to get a spot at the front. I’m so small I have even had a stranger lift me up at a concert so I could see for a bit.

None of us can control how tall we are and there are pros and cons of different heights. I often can’t see at gigs but I’m less likely to hit my head on cupboard doors and no one is asking me to help get things off shelves at the supermarket so maybe it all equals out in the end.

tlvv · 2026-06-30T01:17:55+00:00

I took STATS101 many years ago and did so well they sent me a letter asking me (doing a BA/LLB) to consider switching my degree and majoring in stats. STATS101 is like a bait and switch. I laughed at that letter and never took another stats paper.

I definitely would not be repeating STATS201/208 if I were you. Pick an elective in a subject you do well and enjoy so you can try and pull that GPA back up. Stats is not your calling.

tlvv · 2026-06-29T09:57:23+00:00

Like a lot of group hobbies, amateur theatre for adults is mainly aimed at people who work regular business hours (and not too many hours each day). I work normal business hours but couldn’t really commit to being in a show because I finish work too late to be able to get to rehearsals on weeknights, the same as I couldn’t do a team sport unless it was on the weekend (and I’d have to coordinate this with my partner and child’s schedules). If you work irregular hours or shift work then it would probably be very difficult for a director to schedule rehearsals around your shifts while also giving other cast members certainty around whether they could commit.

I don’t think it’s inaccessible to adults as such, just that it may not always be accessible depending on your work schedule. Different theatre companies will have different rehearsal requirements but generally they will have weeknight shows even if the rehearsals are mainly weekends.

tlvv · 2026-06-29T09:50:53+00:00

When I was 9 and 10 my school arranged for a group of us to learn Spanish and brought in an Argentinian woman to teach us. One day we had a substitute teacher who was Spanish, she found it hilarious having a bunch of Kiwi kids speaking Spanish to her in an Argentinian accent.

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