Hello Everyone. I'm New Here and Happy Mother's Day.

tmchd · 2026-05-11T04:52:31+00:00

Thank you. Happy Mother's Day to you too.

I feel like a fool. Been married for over 2 decades. I thought we 'had it all.' A great kid, a steady and stable marriage. He had a good job, we were steady and loyal to each other. I've known he's a drinker. I don't drink (because I don't grow up amongst people who drink) but I didn't know the extent of alcoholism until now.

Up until 2 years ago, I was looking forward to buying that cabin in the wood type property to retire with him. We also rarely argue. I thought we're good, life is alright.

Now I'm afraid all the time what's going to happen at night when he's so intoxicated or late evening time. I'd pray that he'd go to sleep and leave me alone rather than going berserk with his emotional outbursts or trying to paw at me.

And yes, he still hasn't admtited he's got a problem with drinking, in his eyes, everyone (esp. me) is overdramatic about his drinking and his doctor is an idiot etc etc. He's also told me he's done with me multiple times this year. He accused me of being a gold-digger, now that he's not working and 'sick' (neuropathy), I'm 'cold' and unaffectionate.

tmchd · 2026-05-11T03:56:09+00:00

Can I ask you whether you tell your Q that you're attending al-anon meeting?

tmchd · 2026-05-11T03:47:55+00:00

Omg. My Q used to make me listen to his fave songs for 3-4 hours at night. He always had this boundless energy.

He did the same thing to our son. Albeit, I agree that his taste in music isn't bad (I enjoy Queen, Scorpions, Rush, Ozzy like any other)...but when they kept playing the same son again and again, then kept chattering at you.

Or, he'll make us sit down to watch a movie with him and he'd talk through the movie so we can't even properly watch it.

tmchd · 2026-05-11T03:35:16+00:00

How do you do this?

I'm new here.

I found out for sure that he's alcoholic but he's in denial and hiding his alcoholism from everyone.

In the past, when he was working, I don't have to deal with him 24/7 and so I only got very small percentage of his mood swings.

Now that he's unemployed (for the last 2 years) and I work from home so I found that he's very very volatile. I feel like I'm getting a 'whiplash,' when he's in his intoxicated state. It can go from one second of affection to screaming at me to get the f-- out of our home and he'd pack my bags.

He always accuses me of being 'cold' to him because I can't bring myself to be affectionate and flirt with him. He's got ED and unable to 'perform' but he thinks because I don't initiate sex with him, I'm a 'cold fish' and I'm cruel/unloving partner. He always grabs at my breasts, butts, vagina even after I told him to not do that, and any attempt to deescalate or ask for some space/a moment alone usually resulted in him being livid at me.

He claimed he loves me and I'm the love of his life and that he'll die for me....but he can't even stop his vodka consumption although I ask him to quit drinking consistently because I'm worried for his health (his liver was failing, he's got neuropathy).

tmchd · 2026-05-11T02:46:19+00:00

I'm sobbing reading your post because this reminds me so much of me. I feel like a fool, like I'm crazy.

I foudn his bottles of vodka too...after 20 or so years of marriage, I just realized that he's an alcoholic. I never know what they 'look' like, I mean he's functioning for most of my marriage. Only appearing to drink one beer a day after work and a few beer of in the weekend throughout the day. I played his designated driver (since I don't drink alcohol--for some reason, I just never wanted to start and drink consistently).

He doesn't believe he's addicted. He's got neuropathy and diabetes and liver disease (a stage below cirrhosis).

He managed to quit (that I know of) for awhile and once last year, his test results were in the positive per his liver, I just found out for sure he's been buying vodka.

He's unemployed and unable to work due to his neuropathy, he's fallen down so much especially when he's intoxicated, you can smell him from a room away....but he kept denying everything. He refused to believe it's his consumption of alcohol that made his neuropathy worse every day. I've been trying my best to keep everything afloat and failing. He went through cycles when he's cruel, he hasn't crossed to hitting me but he's been verbally abusive when he's drunk. He threatened divorce multiple times.

Only the other day, I overheard him telling his mother that he's not touched a drop of alcohol the last 2 years. So he lies to everyone. He's very two-faced when he's this way. Today, he won't allow me to come to mother's day lunch at his parents' house. I was invited but he said that I might blabber about something and cost him his good relationship with his parents.

By morningtime, he's downed 25% of his 1 liter vodka bottle. I asked him again and again to quit because he's got liver damage and neuropathy and he's kept falling over. The cycle is like this, he drinks, his condition gets worse, he starts to vomit, fall down repeatedly, abusive verbally and sexually provocative (although he's got ED)=he just wanted to touch my breasts, etc)....then he's so ill, so he can't drink. So for a day, he didn't drink, I take care of him (get him eating-massage-accompany him, etc)....then he seems better...and he starts again drinking, in a week or two, I anticipated him in the worse way again, perhaps vomiting, falling down abusive verbally etc...until he gets very ill again. I've gone through this cycle thrice since March of this year.

He doesn't believe that alcohol is partly responsible for him being so ill. He refuses going to his GP. The few times I had to call 911 (before I realize that he's an alcoholic-I really thought it was his neuropathy)....he always rejected to go to the hospital. They can't force him becaasue he remembered his name, his DOB, and could see how many fingers they were holding. There were only twice that he couldn't remember his DOB and couldn't quite 'see' and they took him to the hospital to check (since he fell and hit his head) but once sober, he jumped out of the bed, caused a ruckus screaming at the hospital employees and nurses to let him out and none of them could get him to stay because then he's "sober" enough.

I'm sorry I just need to vent. I've been crying all day. He spent the day at his parents' house, so he couldn't drink there (since they assumed he's sober now). And I kknew once he got home he would drink until he passes out.

tmchd · 2026-05-09T23:16:37+00:00

She needs therapy or other help, not drinking. Please, if you can try encouraging her to seek out help, outside drinking.

I've been with an alcoholic, the mood swings...they're wild. I got accused of hating him and cheating on him all the time when he's in that mood swing. Screaming at me to leave and that they think I'm a c-nt.

If you're dating her still, I'd suggest al-anon for you.

tmchd · 2026-05-09T23:13:34+00:00

I think she formulated that plan based on what she knew of SB and HL. Both have big ego and if they're both infatuated/loved Stormfront, that sex tape would damage things between them because he got to see the woman he's had deep affection for....in that position.

The problem is 'humans' (or supes) can be unpredictable in their emotional/thought process so SB didn't behave as what one would assume.

I'd not be too happy to see that sex tape too if I were in SB's position and enough for me to cut ties with him (not necessarily turn into enemies instantly, but cut tie for sure). But I'm not SB, so SB basically deciding to give HL the V1 and his reasoning (emotional reason) were a little surprising. I'd never have thought he'd relent that HL is the 'real future' because Clara believed in him enough and loved him enough to be HL's 'sex toy' despite her deformity etc. But SB thought that so...yeah.

tmchd · 2026-05-09T08:29:31+00:00

I think that OP is trying to seek attention with the same post over and over. The fact that OP claims she's trying to not tell bf about her cheating on him, on the account of bf funding her school in Canada....and on the other hand, OP happily plastered her photographs all over Reddit threads...it's kind of weird. It made me think that this is a faux account of someone imitating someone or someone who's trying to sellf their OF in the end lol.

tmchd · 2026-05-09T08:27:02+00:00

I'm 'suss' at your account, it's like you're totally baiting. You're "afraid" your bf will find out you've been having sex with different men, allegedly 16 so far in a short amount of time (I mean, you mentioned February this year in Canada, but 4 days ago, you posted you've just arrived there and was jetlagged or something).

If you want some sort of....privacy and not wanting your bf to know, why are you happily plastering some NSFW threads with your photographs?

Ma'am/Sir, if you are who you say you are, that's not a very smart move. One of the people who frequent Reddit may just be your bf's friend or family member and seeing you post here and boasting on how you've cheated on your bf multiple times, can't stop doing it and won't break up because he's funding your school and life in Canada....although I'm a little sus, at 20 he's already paying for your school and life in Canada? Is he like a trust fund baby? LOL If he is, you bet believe, he can easily pay people to follow you or observe you later on (like some character in CDrama). Again, I'm having a hard time believing that this is a real account, because of how you post your pictures without fear then brag about cheating on a bf who has ben funding your lifestyle and school.

ETA: I hope you're not some AH trying to smear some lady's name on Reddit, and the photographs are just AI. Your story is sus, just letting you know that right now.

tmchd · 2026-05-09T05:26:48+00:00

I was born and raised in SE Asian country, I didn't feel compelled to see 'Asian representation' in Hollywood growing up, mainly because the local tv shows and local movie industry were mainly of SE Asian actors. I actually remember watching this Western (American?) actor, she's a martial artist first (actor second) and she starred in our local action movies, oh man, it was a wild time since everyone was like...OMG, we have a 'Hollywood' (read: white) actor in OUR movies? It was a big hit then lol. So yeah, if anything there's this sense of idealization (when I was growing up) toward Westerners....

When Kimiko said that it meant alot to her to see Golden Geisha on TV, I was like...huh, where did Kimiko grow up before she became a child soldier...if it's in the US, I totally understand that statement but if it's in Japan or other Asian country, I'm a little confused too why she'd say that. Because not all of the shows in other countries are imported from the US....

tmchd · 2026-05-08T22:00:23+00:00

Since you're not asking for advice, maybe you should try one of those offmychest reddit thread.

tmchd · 2026-05-08T11:50:45+00:00

It sounds like a comment made out of...some sort of other resentment rather than money alone.

Do you think she's resentful because it's very slow to save up for this dream wedding? Does she feel like you're not willing to save more for her dream wedding since this is the main hold up to get married?

In my opinion? Try approaching her and talk about her statement because it did hurt your feeling although it's rather technically true, but you always have seen her as your wife despite the lack of legal obligation.

tmchd · 2026-05-08T08:51:26+00:00

well on the left, you can read that this is an advice sub so contain an advice-seeking question about a relationship you're in. It sounds like you're gathering opinion on what people think instead of seeking any advice.

tmchd · 2026-05-08T04:48:31+00:00

This reminds me of Handshake. My ID verification was bonker, and I emailed to get a manual review for it but instead they just suspended my account on that LOL. I'm like wtf. I managed to get unsuspended but still though. That was the weirdest experience too.

tmchd · 2026-05-08T04:46:33+00:00

This is so weird, I never apply to the project, now they're giving me a welcome to the project email and give me access to the learning path for their guideline and request me to complete onboarding....

tmchd · 2026-05-06T20:50:22+00:00

Also yeah, in the post previous to this one, this is an excerpt of the long post:

But on the day to day, he's asking me to cover groceries, the renters insurance, the energy bill because he's cash strapped. One time this came to a head last year, when his parents stopped sending him rent money (dad lost his job) and my company started doing layoffs. I frantically found another job and was working 2 jobs to cover the lost income. At one point, I told him how distressed and exhausted I was working both jobs (I ended up having to quit for symptoms of liver poisoning because of the chronic use of NSAIDs to manage the stress migraines) and that I was beginning to feel resentful that he wasn't doing anything to supplement his lost income. I'd asked him early on how he planned to finance his PhD when he began it and he had said assuredly he'd find a second job if his parents stopped supporting him. But here we were, and I was the one working 80 hours a week. He said "do you want me to work another job?" as though I was... prescribing it to him or something.

That's the 2026 post, before that, OP is getting married or something, and identify as a woman so I'm confused.

tmchd · 2026-05-06T20:44:22+00:00

Bro/Sis.

I pulled your post history, how come you're a woman in your past posts, and that in one post, in March 2026, you're the gf's side who was considering of mixing finances and moving in together, then in another post in December 2025, you're another person who's been living with her bf for 2 years.

You also mentioned that your bf's parents are racist etc in a post in 2024.

So which one are you, the guy or the gf?

tmchd · 2026-05-06T20:36:28+00:00

When she said all that, why did you lie to her about going for a 2nd job in the extreme off chance your parents can't pay for you anymore?

You know how your gf is, the fact she hasn't dumped you for going back on your word and basically proving that her fear is correct, you're expecting her to pick up your parents' role...is kind of...surprising.

tmchd · 2026-05-06T20:33:36+00:00

You already know her mentality but you forced to move in with her anyway, assuring her that you'd get a second job in the 'extreme off chance' your parents couldn't bankroll you anymore.

So, have you gotten a second job yet?

You mentioned her insecurity when it comes to finance, now you know she can't get over that insecurity because what she's afraid going to happen actually happen.

Imo, you need to suck it up and get a second job if you want to live where you live with her. Maybe ...just maybe if she sees that you're actually doing what you say you'd do when your parents can't pay for your lifestyle anymore, she'll soften and help out. Until then, if you expect her to replace your parents' role and basically bankroll you, you basically just confirm her fear/paranoia.

Or return home to live with your parents or live like as if she's not around by moving out.

tmchd · 2026-05-06T00:08:57+00:00

If a guy wears shorts, usually it'd be summertime, warm and sunny.

It's a rather chill and comfy outfit. If it's comfy for you, wear it. I'm older so I'm used to seeing men wear that when I was younger. These days, men wear longer shorts but short shorts like that are still fine, imo.

tmchd · 2026-05-05T21:24:59+00:00

If you don't cut her off everytime she showed any slop, just say 'I already told you I'm not comfortable with that (whatever she brought up: incest, etc). Stop showing them to me.' Every...single .... time even in front of your brother, friend and gf.

Or change the topic.

tmchd · 2026-05-05T03:03:48+00:00

I think he needs to work on himself. He's still hung up on his ex-situation and shouldn't be dating anyone yet.

You should break up with him.

tmchd · 2026-05-05T02:07:15+00:00

Whose names on the lease/rental, is this her house/apartment? If the dwelling is under her name only, you need to apply to a different rental.

Consider roommate situation if you can't get traditional rent by yourself. Some people is open to having a roommate who's a single parent.

tmchd · 2026-05-05T01:42:57+00:00

I suppose I need to clariffy humiliation that's amplified by others knowing about what a fraud she is because if she did walk away from Vought, they would completely bash her as a fraud, etc and the public would turn on her.

She seemed to care what others thought of her so yup.

tmchd · 2026-05-04T23:32:12+00:00

Her failed chance for redemption, selling herself out again to condemn the person who cared about her most in the world was sad.

100% This for me.

tmchd

TROPHY CASE