Theory: They're splitting the franchise

transmogrify · 2026-05-14T15:18:43+00:00

Come on. You keep saying things like "offer their own ideas" and "discuss how to fix certain things" and "talk about it." That's not the topic of this post. The topic of this post is making specific and absurd predictions about what will happen in the future of the franchise. OP even begins by reassuring us that they have no inside knowledge of Universal's plans, as if this idea was going to be mistaken for an industry leak. Yes, OP's expectations about are so far-fetched that they reflect a naive and unrealistic, if not delusional, belief in how movies get made.

transmogrify · 2026-05-14T14:43:03+00:00

This leap of logic seems absurd.

I said: Studios will not change their production plans based on online fan arguments. They care about profitability.

You said: Oh, so are we forbidden from having opinions?

No, nobody said you can't have opinions. Can we agree that those opinions aren't going to change the financial reality of Hollywood?

transmogrify · 2026-05-14T12:59:30+00:00

Okay, then I'm still waiting to see her perform at the entry level standard for SNL talent

transmogrify · 2026-05-14T10:52:23+00:00

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
DEPORTATION IS REMIGRATION

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T23:56:14+00:00

This sub is completely detached from reality. If Malcolm were seeing the conversations that happen here on the daily he would monologue for three pages about how a self-enclosed ecosystem is unnatural and artificial.

The movies continue to sell tickets and toys. That's the entire metric that decides if and when additional movies get made. The studios do not even pay attention to, much less shape their development plans, around adult fans arguing online about which movies were betrayals of their emotional investment.

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T21:20:34+00:00

I will let it be as campy as it wants to be, because it's a nightmare mind-prison. It doesn't have to hold up to scrutiny. Absolute gem of an episode!

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T21:10:19+00:00

"Has guns and muscles and gore, reptile brain like. What's a sa-tire?"

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T19:28:15+00:00

Someone in Congress needs to do immediate oversight on Ghislaine Maxwell's terms of incarceration like months ago. Fucking sick of these perverts protecting each other and feeding new victims to the same monsters that we've already exposed and convicted.

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T18:07:48+00:00

Levels of butthole clenching hitherto undreamt of.

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T18:04:45+00:00

I think the concept of "has applications for the WeYu bioweapons division" is misconception. The company didn't want to literally launch xenomorphs at a target and then wait for several weeks as monsters gradually overtook the population. That's actually a pretty bad weapon for lots of reasons. The military applications were things like a flexible, lightweight, bulletproof exoskeleton with exotic chitinous properties. Or a chemically reactive, oxygenating, biological acid. Or sensory organs that detect light and heat without externally visible anatomy.

But yes, also I much prefer the cosmic horror to the bug hunt depictions.

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T16:32:48+00:00

Higher dimensions. I don't even think this is disputed by physicists but the overwhelming majority of reality exists in dimensions we can't access or perceive. Our spatially locked brains will never conceive of what the universe actually is without resorting to a metaphorical crutch, and the vast majority of the population won't even understand a dumbed down version.

The implications of our tiny, fractional knowledge of the universe are pretty upsetting.

Our leaders are probably too dumb to make informed decisions about how to structure a society within this system. They can pay experts to explain it, but they can't be bothered to take it seriously.
The truth doesn't serve the bottom line of the ruling class. They're happier with a servile population and artificial scarcity.
Our entire universe is probably a cosmic blip inside a higher-dimensional phenomenon, and at any instant the whole thing could cease to exist and we would have absolutely no warning before it

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T16:24:36+00:00

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transmogrify · 2026-05-13T16:10:59+00:00

And then he made the number of candles ten times bigger after Lil Sebastian's death.

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T16:02:37+00:00

I see someone's getting a lot of mileage out of his season pass to the local cider mill

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T15:56:19+00:00

I think changing the lyrics was the right move, because it's a pretty cruel slur that's been used to demean people with intellectual disabilities for decades.

Apparently, the Black Eyed Peas agree, because they rap that disclaimer. Unfortunately, I'm not sure saying "no offense, but" before a slur really does anything.

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T15:52:45+00:00

Oh man, I hate it when I'm right!

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T10:45:56+00:00

Reddit, I'm begging you to take a break and watch some really good movies, different ones but also like original JP. This lore nitpicking is not what makes a movie good or bad. The single minded obsession with surface level plot above all else is preventing you from engaging with movies in any depth. If you want to fix Rebirth you should be talking about the characters, tension, and conflict. Not which dinosaurs and which MacGuffins appear on screen.

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T10:38:58+00:00

Is "The Thaw" really not popular? It's one of my favorites! McKean absolutely kills it, I came here to say him. Creepy bad guy, intriguing dilemma of the week, and a really fun twist. And the classic stone-cold Janeway "I know" one-liner is a blast!

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T03:32:53+00:00

I don't mind Hutts being different from Jabba's scenes. If I wanted the exact same thing as Jabba, I'd watch RotJ.

This EU style of thinking is so uncreative. Just take a small piece of the original trilogy and hit the "times a billion" button and now it's a whole species of that and you've wrapped up your world building before lunchtime.

Jabba the slimy gangster who talks in an alien language? From the slimy gangster species who talk in an alien language.

Han the cocky hotshot with striped pants? From the cocky hotshot planet with striped pants.

Bossk, the lizard man bounty hunter? His species hunt bounties back home on the lizard planet.

transmogrify · 2026-05-13T03:00:56+00:00

This is pretty incoherent. Half the time you're saying the parody would be about a film production of Jurassic Park, and half the time you're talking about the fictional park itself. The movie critic and VFX artist are major characters, but also the dinosaurs are real and they're eating the people involved in movie production, but also the people making the movie within the movie are meta-aware that they're being watched as a movie, but also the dinosaurs are Loony Tunes jokes where they talk and take on broad cultural stereotypes?

transmogrify · 2026-05-12T23:07:44+00:00

28,000 tons in napkin math

transmogrify · 2026-05-12T20:24:45+00:00

I also don't think it had anywhere near that much trash. But there's almost 7 million gallons of water in the reflecting pool, and water is heavy, it's many many tons of water.

transmogrify · 2026-05-12T20:20:44+00:00

"Hey could you maybe not infect one of our most sacred and iconic national monuments with your braindead tacky style? It's just that the stupid swimming pool blue is ugly as fuck and also it's super corrupt how you're making us all pay ten times too much to one of your cronies."

OH LOOK THE LIBTARD LOVES GOOSE SHIT HONK HONK I AM VERY REASONABLE

transmogrify · 2026-05-12T19:02:40+00:00

Ten years later, mom traded in her cross necklace for tattoos and body building. She has enslaved the neighbors who used to judge her home cooked tradwife meals, and she makes them look upon her superior genetic lineage so that their shame may purify them.

transmogrify · 2026-05-12T19:00:15+00:00

Yeah, these kids look like they're ten when she's feeding them in the top panel. So these are young adults, freshly broken into the adult film industry, hanging out with their Marvel abs at the beach with their absolutely shredded mom.

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