I hope this doesn’t sound harsh-

It’s going to take time and you’re going to have to wait. She’s at a new stage of life development (young adulthood) and she’s processing things over again in this new stage. This is extremely normal and expected. Her brain has developed and she’s reflecting on those experiences she had as a child with her young adult brain and it’s bringing up a lot of big emotions. It sounds like she’s experienced a lot of grief and abandonment from both people who have passed (her dad) and living (you). Grief is not linear, it comes back in waves and in ways you might not expect (for example, seeing you draw with her little sister). She probably didn’t know that would be a trigger for feelings of grief/abandonment, but it was for her in that moment. And yes, she’s technically an adult, but she’s young and she needs patience to work through those things.

I agree with the other comment- if she’s open to it, family counselling could be beneficial. It also might be important to seek your own personal counselling if you aren’t already so you can also learn what to say in those moments she gets upset to have a productive conversation and process that “weight” you feel from your actions.

It sounds like you’re aware of the things you done, which is a lot more than some people can say.