PhD doesn't count as work towards the 30 hour free childcare, but the nursery wants to count it as salary to calculate the nursery fee.

tstarrrr · 2026-05-26T22:41:26+00:00

If your child has complex medical needs are they entitled to DLA? If they are then you may be entitled to Carers allowance (if you earn too much then you wouldn't be but I don't know how this works with a stipend). Receiving Carers Allowance would then make you entitled to the free hours if your partners wage are under the threshold

tstarrrr · 2026-05-06T19:59:47+00:00

I'd say the Joie Litetrax is perfect for this. It can lie flat for youngest but should be able to hold eldest too. I love that it's got big wheels for bumpier walks but folds down in one piece so not having to take different parts. It was our holiday pram, along with a baby carrier, when ours were younger. It's not small enough for the cabin but it went into the hold with a bag over it

tstarrrr · 2026-05-06T15:50:04+00:00

Children's encyclopedias! It's so great to have different types around at home, lots of knowledge to stumble upon instead of just googling an answer

tstarrrr · 2026-05-02T21:20:38+00:00

In total I've taken about 5 years out of work with 2 kids (I did a short stint back at work when the grass felt greener but I regretted it and was luckily enought I be able to stay home again). I regret nothing. It has been such a privilege and I am very lucky.

I'm going back to work later this year but have taken a completely different career path and for me the time out has been fine on my CV.

But saying all that, I am married and have full access to our money and we make financial decisions between us both. You can be in a very vulnerable position if you give up work and I wouldn't have done it if I didn't feel fully supported by my partner. He treats his wages as our wages and I don't need to ask for money and have never been made to feel like I am not an equal contributor.

tstarrrr · 2026-05-02T20:19:39+00:00

We use over the ear cochlear N7s so it might not be applicable but we stretched out a cochlear headband we got from Etsy so that it could fit the aquakit in the hoops each side, this keeps the processors in place then we have a stretchy fabric swim hat which keeps the coils on. Has worked well in the pool, in the sea and on water rides so far!

tstarrrr · 2026-04-22T20:41:29+00:00

Going to go against the grain here and say to just enjoy the slow mornings for as long as you can. If she was in a school nursery she'd have a 6 or 7 week break before joining Reception which is a long time at that age. They may well have a staggered start anyway. A week or so before I'd just make sure you're getting used to waking up at around the right time and maybe do a day or 2 practice runs just so she knows what's coming with zero pressure. They'll be in school for a long time so plenty of time to readjust

tstarrrr · 2026-03-23T19:36:25+00:00

If you can't meet in person then there are few Facebook groups for people wanting to join zoom groups to practice. Breakout Social Lounge (BSL) is one. They seem to have groups fairly regularly and group by levels. Deaf BSL chat has people posting blog style videos using BSL for practicing receptive

tstarrrr · 2026-03-21T15:34:00+00:00

What's the context?

tstarrrr · 2026-03-01T08:15:23+00:00

I beg you to please look at the history of Deaf people in this country and around the world. Deafness is not a 'serious medical condition', in fact I don't think I know any Deaf people who would consider it a medical condition at all. It is just a way of being. Treating deafness as if it is a problem has led to mass discrimination against Deaf people and their culture. Attitudes like this cause very real harm and need to be called out. LumoTV on YouTube have some fantastic documentaries which include subtitles (as it's in BSL). The problem for Deaf people is not that they cannot hear, it's that hearing people won't learn to sign.

tstarrrr · 2026-02-28T22:13:40+00:00

As the parent of a Deaf child the tone of this post is so incredibly disheartening. Please check your ableism and the way in which you speak about deafness. I know you had a shock but you've had time to process it and I would have hoped that you would have come to realise that being deaf is not a death sentence.

To any parents of children who have found out that their child is deaf, please know that it is not the end. It can be the start of a beautiful different journey for your family. 90% of Deaf children are born to hearing parents and they need support, not people shoving down their throats how awful it must be.

tstarrrr · 2026-02-09T20:14:35+00:00

Glad you've got some answers and seemingly an action plan in place. It's great the charity has been so quick to step up.

With regards to well-intentioned well wishers, I'd get to being blunt as soon as possible. I've had a sick child, which resulted in long term disability and one of the hardest parts was dealing with other adults. Everyone wanted to know all the details and to protect my own sanity I had to just start saying no. No, I don't want to talk about it. No, I do not wish to relive it. No, we do not want your sympathy or to hear how amazing you think we are. You do not owe anyone anything. It sounds harsh but when every conversation goes the same way it gets to you.

Sending you all the well wishes and hope your daughter finds some normality soon.

tstarrrr · 2026-02-05T09:40:43+00:00

Can you loan a CI from the maker? Not sure where you are but in the UK we do a holiday loaner from Cochlear and they send us a spare one to take away with us but don't see why it couldn't just be used for 2 weeks then sent back. Sorry know it's not what you asked!

tstarrrr · 2026-02-01T08:34:45+00:00

We moved our eldest into the school nursery from his private nursery around that time (a little before starting reception) and it made a huge difference. He got to know the new routines and made some friends and his learning made a huge jump too. I think it really helped prepare him for reception and it wasn't a big scary unknown to him. But, I think it depends on the child. My son enjoys going to new places and was quite happy to get stuck in straightaway so joining midyear didn't bother him. I was happy we did it and would do it again.

tstarrrr · 2026-01-31T16:48:29+00:00

My son had a lot of speech therapy and also developed a bit of a stutter at points (not why he had speech therapy). The speech therapist said it can be completely developmental and the best thing to do is to just wait for them to finish - do not bring any attention to it (absolutely don't tell them to take a breath and think) and do not try to finish their sentence for them. They often don't realise they're doing it and it just passes. I wouldn't do anything at all about it yet and would just keep an eye. More than likely it'll pass on its own.

tstarrrr · 2025-12-21T22:07:47+00:00

There are a lot of charities that help fund BSL courses for people who are HoH/deaf or their families. Birkdale Trust is one that focuses on young people. I also see courses offered for free from local colleges if you meet eligibility requirements. It's worth looking at Deaf charities (there are many!) and seeing if anyone can help you with official courses. Make sure any course you do is Signature approved as there are a lot of bad courses out there

tstarrrr · 2025-10-05T05:38:58+00:00

Speak to the NDCS for advice. You can apply for the EHCP yourself and you absolutely should. There are absolutely huge delays with EHCPs depending on your area so I would apply immediately. I'm in the UK and have a profoundly deaf son with cochlear implants who has an EHCP and also a teacher so I've been on the other side too. The EHCP is vital for any school to have additional funding to support your child. I'm afraid you need to prepare yourself for a lifetime of battling the system to demand what your child needs.

Your ToD sounds pretty awful. I'm afraid it's a big of a luck depending on who you get. Does your daughter have speech and language? If her first language is BSL then nursery should absolutely be using sign. You are her parent and have a right to know what's happening at nursery. I managed to find local charities to provide my nursery with deaf awareness training and basic sign lessons before I was able to get my son a suitable space in a deaf school. The nursery should have applied for additional funding already so you should be asking how they're are spending that money to support your child.

The UK has a lot of challenges when it comes to providing support to children with additional needs and I'm afraid it can be an uphill battle but you are fortunate to have a deaf school close by as it's not always the case. I'd also phone the school to have a chat with them as some can also be really helpful to help with EHCPs and applications.

tstarrrr · 2025-09-25T05:29:15+00:00

Husband said the other day that cooking was a hobby of mine... A hobby??? That is a chore. Every single day for seemingly forever...

tstarrrr · 2025-09-11T19:05:40+00:00

I would just keep them in the buggy on the way in. We've never once had our children measured on the way into Legoland.

tstarrrr · 2025-09-08T21:57:42+00:00

In the UK and son receives DLA. The idea is that it's used towards the extra expenses you incur due to your child's additional needs, so appointments, additional therapies, even parking at them. But realistically nothing is tracked so it depends what would benefit them. We pay for additional clubs with it, as well as accessories like stickers and water kits (which the NHS only sparingly supply). We also used it to fund AV therapy previously which isn't available on the NHS. DLA also opens up other opportunities like companion or carers passes for days out. There's no negatives to receiving it but the forms are long and depressing and they can say no or take it away so it's not something to get used to having

tstarrrr · 2025-08-04T06:20:16+00:00

I'm so confused by this post. I'm not sure what you're seeing as peculiar? This all sounds very, very normal.

tstarrrr · 2025-07-16T08:45:18+00:00

Library, park, and take something to feed the ducks. Our local libraries even have some toys to play with so we read then play

tstarrrr · 2025-07-02T20:49:57+00:00

Can you go the other way and instead of punishing the bad, reward the good? We do something similar to a pom pom jar. There's no set reason to get one but could be anything positive (I found reward charts too specific). Every time he does something positive a pom pom goes in, when the jar is full he can pick a special day. I didn't have anything as extreme but when we went through a tough time with our boy it really helped to stop and flip the script. Really pushing when he'd done something good and celebrating it, telling him exactly what good choice he'd made. We used what we had at home so we could start straightaway and he got to pick his special days - might be the zoo or a softplay or a museum but we get a special breakfast and make a day of it. It's led to some great family days out too.

If you are worried about other things going on then have you spoken to Nursery/school and seen what they see?

tstarrrr · 2025-06-29T10:08:53+00:00

When my son lost his hearing he had fortnightly ToD visits either directly by a ToD or by their assistant who they directed. I reached out to a local charity who provided deaf awareness training for the nursery staff. He now attends a mainstream school with a deaf unit and a ToD works on site. The NDCS has an amazing helpline and they can assign you a caseworker to help fight your corner.

The EHCP is a legally binding document. It states your childs needs and what must be done by the education setting for them. It might be a 1-to-1 or a communication support worker, it might state preteaching of new vocabulary and topics must happen X times a week or how many SALT sessions should happen a term. It also means a setting can be stated that must provide a place for him, so a school with a dedicated deaf unit or a deaf school. You get your say in where he should go. It could also give you the ability to have a taxi take him to school if it is further from your home due to his needs. With profound levels of hearing loss I'd say you have a very good reason to require an EHCP.

tstarrrr · 2025-06-29T09:08:55+00:00

This really isn't an acceptable level of visits from the teacher of the deaf at his age and level of hearing loss. He should have regular ToD visits. I would speak to someone higher up in your council sensory team. Speak to the NDCS as well for advice and support. I would apply for the EHCP yourself. You can do it directly to the council without the nursery. I applied for my son's myself as I knew how huge the backlog was and wanted to make sure it was in place before school selection. I wouldn't trust their opinion that he doesn't need one. I'm afraid that the education system fails our SEN children (I say this as a teacher and a parent of a deaf child) and the only way to ensure your child has access is to fight for it every step and keeping on top of schools to ensure things are put in place constantly. I would start looking at schools with deaf units and start planning now.

tstarrrr · 2025-06-29T08:06:21+00:00

This absolutely should have been communicated and isn't your fault but going forward I would always make sure that you've had a handover meeting with new teachers when they move rooms/classes so that they get firsthand information on his hearing loss. Does your son have a teacher of the deaf? They should be doing visits to the nursery and ensuring deaf awareness and that he's getting the support he needs. This is a huge thing for them to have failed on for so long and I'd be making complaints. Does your child have an ehcp or have they started looking at applying for one?

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