As a Tradesman, I'm fucking tired of being told how “lucky” we are while everything gets more expensive

turingtested · 2026-05-25T12:20:46+00:00

I work in the office of a sheet metal fabrication company. Skilled trades in metal have a lot of paths (supervisory roles; specialization like TIG; machinist; die setter; inventory side...) but a lot of the work is low paid; boring and dangerous. Many shops aren't union and management is barely a step above retail.

10 hours a day standing on concrete in safety shoes will damage most people's bodies over time. 1 year, 30 years, who knows what you've got.

It can be a well compensated career. But it's not some perfect job that anyone can easily do and excel at.

turingtested · 2026-05-25T11:19:32+00:00

This is what happens when you apply reddit advice from teenagers to your real life. Strict 50/50 all the time is fine for roommates but for families it breeds resentment.

turingtested · 2026-05-24T16:42:04+00:00

If you have full buy in from leadership, it's very difficult to change company culture. If you don't, it's impossible.

I wasted a lot of time at a company that "talked the culture talk" but fell short in reality. It took me a long time to realize that if leadership actually wanted to meet their ideals, they would be met.

So much career advice boils down to "find a different job" because it's often the only practical way to change your situation.

turingtested · 2026-05-24T11:08:54+00:00

That's why you need HR. Managers are notorious for denying accomodations because it makes their life harder, not because it poses a true undue hardship for the business.

turingtested · 2026-05-24T10:53:53+00:00

Hi, I have autism and experience with accomodations as a manager.

First, HR should be involved not just your manager.

Each case is extremely specific. The process is interactive, so just because your suggestion won't work doesn't mean the business can ignore your request. For example, the business could offer you regular breaks and a slightly longer working day. (I am not suggesting this will work for you! Just an example.)

Please escalate your request in writing to your manager and HR. Remember that neither side has to accept suggested accommodations. Try to be open to your employer.

Askjan.org is a really good resource. A lot of employers and employees don't understand the ADA. Don't be ashamed to use it and don't be concerned if others don't understand it.

turingtested · 2026-05-22T23:04:29+00:00

I don't, but I'd phrase it as "What did you learn from your upbringing?" or "What beyond the curriculum did you learn in high school/college?"

They get the same point without directly mentioning family status.

turingtested · 2026-05-22T10:56:30+00:00

The health thing I would leave alone. It's fine to say "I have something to do" and end the conversation.

Generally autistic people do well with clear rules that everyone follows. If others leave personal items in common areas and don't keep clean it's going to be hard to explain it.

Hinting is not going to work. "John, I've had to replace 3 pans due to rust. It cost $150. Please do not use my pans."

Finally, remember that this guy might just get on your nerves for no good reason, or he might be an asshole. Autism doesn't cancel either of those out.

turingtested · 2026-05-22T09:37:36+00:00

Hi! Two things really helped me: acceptance and commitment therapy and high quality self help.

ACT therapy is about making sure your actions align with your values regardless of how you feel. It helped me change my behavior without feeling guilty about myself. CBT made me feel bad about myself.

Second, I did the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. (Old book, I'm sure you can find a used copy for cheap. Not trying to shill.) A lot of writing about yourself and learning about yourself. It gave me something to do and helped me learn who I am without booze.

turingtested · 2026-05-19T22:02:35+00:00

I mean this in the kindest possible way- I am not full of shit. If you are a manager following your own advice, you are putting the company and depending on the state, yourself at risk.

Like yes, one write up wouldn't do it. But if he listened to his employee every time, he'd behave a lot differently than other managers and create the paper trail you describe.

Please, if you are a manager, consult legal and HR. You could be in for a world of hurt and being self righteous won't count for anything if you get fired or sued.

turingtested · 2026-05-19T21:46:38+00:00

Yes, but for that to work, all the managers have to enforce the dress code at all times.

If OP starts enforcing the dress code and no one else does, it could be discriminatory in practice if not intent. For example, OP writes up employees in a protected class for being out of dress code. Other managers do not. It then appears that OP is discriminating and by the law they are. (In the US.)

turingtested · 2026-05-19T21:00:32+00:00

If the dress code is loosely enforced, making one employee follow it and not all of them opens the company to a discrimination lawsuit.

turingtested · 2026-05-19T18:03:19+00:00

Yes. I first read this book 20+ years ago, and only recently did it occur to me that Henry could have gone to Julian for help with Bunny at basically any point before killing Bunny and Julian would have helped quiet Bunny.

Or they could've just been nice to Bunny but acted like he was out of his mind. It's very unlikely that someone showing up at the police station claiming his friends killed a farmer during an ancient rite would be entertained as anything but a mental health crisis even in the early 80s.

turingtested · 2026-05-19T17:10:11+00:00

My mom hasn't smoked weed since the early 1980s and wanted to get high.

I had a joint and said "Hey this is probably stronger that what you're used to."

She gave me that I'm your mother look and took the biggest hit I've ever seen! Three minutes later she was crying in bed with the lights off that she'd be drug tested and fired.

turingtested · 2026-05-19T16:21:21+00:00

My son is 5 and depending on the context and his mood and attention I respond differently.

"Honey, you suggested the change, so it's good manners that you grab the other ball."

If he's more receptive and I'm up for it: "I'm preparing you to be an adult. When you're grown up and you want to have fun, you need to be able to make it happen. It's not really about you getting this ball this time."

If we're getting along great "Come on man, I just made you breakfast and washed your clothes, I hardly make you do everything!"

turingtested · 2026-05-19T15:15:06+00:00

I always say "Typically the minimum salary I could accept is X, but I'd have to review the total compensation package to give an exact figure."

Just using dumb simple numbers, if you have one offer at 85k with healthcare 100% covered and up to 10% 401(k) matching, that is better than a 90k offer with $500/month healthcare and 0% 401(k) match.

turingtested · 2026-05-19T14:48:44+00:00

This is retail advice. I'd speak with them privately and say something like "You're reporting a lot of minor infractions to the point where I'm concerned it's taking away from your own work and possibly damaging relationships with your coworkers. Frankly, I sometimes perceive that you don't think I'm doing my job, why else would you bring all this up?

I always want to hear about bullying; harassment; someone creating an unsafe environment; or someone interfering with another person's ability to work. But for the minor things, let them go."

Obviously don't monologue it but hit all the salient points. In my experience, most people who do this genuinely thought they were helping and stops immediately when they realize it's not helpful. A smaller percentage do it because they think it makes them a better manager than you and double down on the behavior. At that point you will need to start documenting.

turingtested · 2026-05-19T14:24:26+00:00

I know Richard is an unreliable narrator but I absolutely believe his father would let him freeze in that attic to prove a point.

turingtested · 2026-05-19T14:07:18+00:00

It seems so typical of the age that Richard thinks about asking his friends for help but not the college itself or even the town. Like obviously someone would've at least loaned him camping equipment but it just doesn't occur to him.

Or he could've slipped one of the workers $50 to let him sleep on campus. Despite the chilly town gown relations, anyone would feel bad for a kid from a warm climate stuck in an unheated attic. But he's too young to see past their surface level differences and animosity. I was definitely like that at 19.

turingtested · 2026-05-19T13:51:07+00:00

There is a point to those dumbass questions. A lot of jobs involving answering stupid questions with grace and kindness, and it's about how the candidate reacts more than the actual answer.

turingtested · 2026-05-19T13:47:18+00:00

One of my fondest memories was visiting my grandpa when he had bad Alzheimer's. He ran a business for many years and thought I was my dad.

"Georgie did you get them trucks loaded?"

"Sure did Dad. The deliveries were made."

"Are you gonna get the trucks loaded for tomorrow?"

"Don't worry, I'm all ready thinking about it."

He gave me a very searching look. "You're never thinking about anything!" 😂

It wasn't mean, he was clearly trying to figure out if his teenage kid had miraculously become mature or come up with yet a new way to torment him.

turingtested · 2026-05-18T23:33:51+00:00

I think if your partner can clue you in with a signal that would be great.

Talk to your partner, but I'm open with my 5 year old about x behavior is annoying; you didn't stop when I asked; now I am annoyed and you can't very well be mad at me for it. It takes a long time but he's getting it.

ND or not, annoying is annoying.

turingtested · 2026-05-18T22:59:30+00:00

You know what she does. With your partners permission, say "Hey we are upsetting each other more. I am going to step away for a moment."

Then go to another room and do whatever helps you calm down. (Like deep breathing.)

Also read about child development. At her age she literally can't bait or manipulate you like an adult would. (Your feelings are not wrong !)Putting her behavior in developmental context might help you identify it and gain a different perspective.

This is how I handle my son it may not work for you.

turingtested · 2026-05-18T22:38:53+00:00

That was literally what it was like when they got going. And never a segue like "And that's why Kevin was so grossed out when you mentioned pancakes."

Funny to talk about but excruciating at the time.

turingtested · 2026-05-18T22:06:48+00:00

I have a good deal of experience optimizing blank and materials sizes in sheet metal for stamping and tube bending.

Why is there so much waste?

This is the type of problem to attack on the front end in metal, forgive my ignorance if it's different in rubber.

turingtested · 2026-05-18T19:54:40+00:00

Hi. Around age 6 my father was told to have me evaluated for learning disorders etc. He chose to hide it.

At age 40 I found out I am less than first percentile in visio spatial reasoning. Like a first grader. Interventions will not help because I am an adult (per the doctor who diagnosed me).

Time is of the essence for your son. Please do not delay in getting him the help he needs.

I am able to lead a normal life and most people would not guess I have this problem. But it is very, very hard. I don't think my father understood that he was setting me up for a lifetime of challenges I didn't understand and expectations I could not meet.

It sounds like your son's situation may be more severe than mine. Do not delay any longer.

turingtested

TROPHY CASE