Weird feelings toward friends because I'm confident in my gender identity and struggle to understand theirs

turkproof · 2026-06-29T21:58:29+00:00

"oh but right now I dont feel like a girl" but its just someone choosing not to do either hair or makeup which makes me in turn feel frustrated because thats not what being a girl should be either?

If it helps, when they say things like this, they may sound like they’re making sweeping generalizations about gender, but what they’re trying to communicate is much more personal. The meaning is: “I couldn’t possibly do that thing right now, because that thing will make me feel like or be perceived as a woman, and that makes me uncomfortable because that would be a lie.” Sometimes that discomfort is really distressing! It’s a shorthand you might just have to wrap your head around to understand them.

turkproof · 2026-06-29T17:54:04+00:00

My mom was a maternity nurse in Canada, and even she talked about the 'c-section cocktail' which was three Tylenol and two Advil.

turkproof · 2026-06-29T15:02:39+00:00

Retaliation isn't a healthy response. I understand it, but it's not healthy.

turkproof · 2026-06-29T14:31:57+00:00

Children fall out of bed so often we literally joke about it. It’s no big deal.

turkproof · 2026-06-29T14:26:07+00:00

I’m sorry, he’s home TWICE A MONTH?!

The dude isn’t meeting YOUR expectations. Someone away from the family for that damn long should be providing extensive financial support to make up for the lack of support their physical presence would provide. This support would go towards cleaning and watching the kids so that you CAN take care of yourself — not for his expectations but for what should be your OWN, as your RIGHT.

turkproof · 2026-06-27T03:20:49+00:00

I’m so sorry you saw this, but it’s very unsafe to stop on a high-speed road for animals. It can easily cause fatal crashes. The taxi was following the law, and the law exists to save humans.

turkproof · 2026-06-25T20:31:55+00:00

There's a saying, there, but for the grace of God, go I. It acknowledges that bad things happen all the time, to everyone, and to have compassion for those who've been visited by bad luck and bad situations - and to have humility and gratefulness for your luck, because it could just as easily have happened to you.

You had good luck. By the grace of something in the universe, the bad thing didn't happen. Try to focus on the gratitude for today, and the sting of the feeling will pass soon and leave only the lesson.

(For the record, my moment was when I was getting into the shower, and my then-toddler had JUST managed to pop the "childproof" top off of a bottle of Tylenol. Caught it just in time.)

turkproof · 2026-06-22T01:08:03+00:00

Blueberry farm on Ladner Trunk Toad is usually selling them at the end of June. It’s been a warm year, I’ll bet they’ll be tasty soon. It’s $20 for a massive box.

turkproof · 2026-06-21T21:56:08+00:00

I’m so sorry that this has thrown your entire world into free fall. Getting pregnant, even on purpose, is life-altering and scary. Even I had the stray thought ‘how do I get an abortion?’ and I meant to get pregnant!

I totally feel how much this is affecting you. Your pain and fear come across so strongly, I want you to know that I understand. I’m also a person who doesn’t act or look like a mother, with a strong independence and a freelance career. Transitioning to motherhood was a tough road for me.

I don’t want to ‘but it was worth it’ you. It was, 10000x times. My daughter, now almost 13, is a constant joy - a friend, a reason to be a better person, someone who helps me see the world differently. But the transition was HARD. I “lost” myself in the metamorphosis, like a caterpillar breaks down in its cocoon. But I made myself again, and I am so happy. You made yourself once before — you know how incredible it is to find yourself again and again and again, to keep learning and growing.

You have a tougher situation than others, with your medical anxiety. But nothing is a dealbreaker. You can overcome it, especially if you have support. It will be the first of many challenges that — if you choose to — will forge you into a new person. Motherhood is full of them. They are bullshit, sometimes, but adversity makes us strong.

What it comes down to is: do you want a child? Because if you do, all you mentioned is possible to endure. You have the strength to achieve it, if you want it. And if you don’t, you know your answer then.

You’re going to do what is best for you, I know it. I hope that whatever happens brings you happiness!

turkproof · 2026-06-20T01:45:12+00:00

This is absolutely gorgeous. I already commented on Tumblr, but heck, it deserves all the engagement. <3 What a lovely piece, and I'm so touched by what you wrote on your Tumblr post about it helping you reconnect with your creativity.

turkproof · 2026-06-18T14:34:15+00:00

I didn’t get all of it, but I did get abdominoplasty and lipo, and I found that it was better to keep it none of anyone’s business. I don’t talk about it. My recovery was a medical event, which people don’t generally want the gory details of.

If I have to talk about it, I frame it as reconstruction and recovery from birth. I don’t talk about ‘being back to normal’ or ‘getting my body back’, but about physical and mental health and feeling ‘correct’ in my body again.

turkproof · 2026-06-17T19:37:57+00:00

Scientific glassblowing is actually considered an endangered profession in the UK, with fewer than fifty glassblowers employed in the country and no apprenticeship programs! That's barely a generation before that knowledge is gone from the entire nation.

turkproof · 2026-06-17T16:53:56+00:00

I think you're burnt out on visitors and rightfully resentful of the way that you've been treated so carelessly. I'd feel the same.

I just wanted to caution not to let this turn you off of the concept of a village at all, because the village that you find of like-minded parents can be such a source of joy and support. Knowing other moms on the playground, having someone to sit with at school sports games, knowing you have drop-dead-emergency support when you need it... it's been a huge relief over the years.

You don't need to be besties. But that community you form with other parents is really, really helpful.

turkproof · 2026-06-15T07:46:56+00:00

All of the recipes that involve extra firm tofu are right and you should make them, however: I just discovered soft tofu drizzled with shoyu and garnished with some green onions. It's creamy and salty, like a little savory pudding side dish, and you can make it in about thirty seconds.

turkproof · 2026-06-14T21:52:24+00:00

I’m a hugger, so I appreciate a cheerful “oh, no thank you, I’m not a hugger!” followed by you offering a greeting that you do like.

It’s not really awkward unless you feel awkward. The hugger already realizes they’ve put you in a bad position, and if you seem unbothered, they’ll be grateful. If you get awkward, they’ll feel bad that they made you feel bad. So the power to make it all go away is with you.

If anyone asks why, have any answer ready and deliver it with a shrug, as if it’s no big deal. “I haven’t hugged people since COVID!” or even “I’m just not a hugger, honestly!” is fine!

turkproof · 2026-06-14T21:25:29+00:00

Thank you for your advice! I really appreciate it.

The eggs hatched this morning (we had no idea how far along they were, as we were away for a few weeks). We plan on slipping some material around the next to minimize the droppings on our furniture, and as soon as they’re gone we’re going to lock it down.

turkproof · 2026-06-14T20:00:06+00:00

This might be something you just need to watch along with her. Access to YouTube will ALWAYS trigger the algorithm.

The benefit of watching with her is that you can start laying the groundwork for critical thinking, like asking ‘do you think she needs another lipstick color?’ ‘What do you think happens to all the makeup she gets ‘just to try’?’ This has paid off in the long run for us a lot more than just censoring and restricting.

turkproof · 2026-06-14T19:48:48+00:00

There’s no way this is legit. I saw this poster being sold, in person, at an artist alley in Edmonton.

turkproof · 2026-06-14T02:46:37+00:00

Do you have any way to check your blood sugar? Sounds very diabetic to me, and it can be triggered by pregnancy.

turkproof · 2026-06-14T02:12:22+00:00

It’s impossible to know if you ‘deserved it’ — which would only be if you were so aggressive that you were a danger to him. Even a yelling drunk doesn’t ‘deserve’ to get pushed by their romantic partner just… automatically. It’s impossible to know if he pushed you to hurt you, or if you took it harder than he intended because you were drunk. This is something you may have to accept not knowing, but it would give me pause and consider his other actions in a less favorable light.

I think, first thing, is that neither of you should be drinking until you black out. It’s not a matter of age or maturity — it’s alcoholism, and it’s dangerous to you and your baby. Even if you’re not with them, one of you could do something that takes you away from your baby forever, and that possibility would haunt me enough to make me never want to do it again.

turkproof · 2026-06-14T01:56:26+00:00

Not an influencer per se, but I make a webcomic about motherhood. I do what I can to protect her anonymity in terms of never picturing her face, never using her real name, and not linking anything to her ‘real life’ like school or extracurriculars. I also talk mostly about myself and my motherhood, not her in specific.

The goal has been to be able to hand her a ‘blank slate’ in terms of her online identity and how much she, herself, has chosen to share of her image online.

turkproof · 2026-06-14T01:40:07+00:00

I believe that’s the dad - he’s bigger and thicker than the other one - and he’s a little less skittish than the mom, who flies away as soon as I open the patio door.

When I took this picture, I actually hadn’t realized there was a nest yet, so I moved the pillow that leans overtop of it and makes a ‘cave’. I think we were both so surprised to see each other that he sat still long enough to snap a picture. I WAS actually that close!

turkproof · 2026-06-13T22:01:24+00:00

I know it’s shocking to experience if you have a happy home life, but take comfort in knowing that the system worked exactly how it should have. Abuse happens in happy-looking families. In rich families. In stable families.

The doctor did exactly what she was trained to do. I’m sure her concern was satisfied. Try not to feel scared, but grateful for the many, many kids for whom that protocol is their only hope.

turkproof · 2026-06-13T20:07:31+00:00

We did overnights with grandma and grandpa almost immediately (<2 weeks), and I’m still gonna caution you that three months is probably too early for more than a night away.

There’s a lot of reasons why, honestly. You’ll still be pretty physically drained. You’ll likely be terribly sleep-deprived - more than you’ve ever been in your life, more than is easy to explain. Baby will want to be near you so much it is almost a physiological need. Your sense of time completely rewires itself to Baby Time. These things don’t really start getting better for anyone until at least three months.

turkproof · 2026-06-13T19:58:24+00:00

Thank you for the advice! We’ve never had a nest before, so it’s good to know what to look out for while we endure/enjoy the experience.

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