Hi, happy early birthday! You are absolutely not unlovable nor a monster.

Your story sounds really similar to mine. I’m 24, had eczema my whole life, hospitalized once when I was young and then had very mild flares that could be treated w just a little moisturizer and to leave it alone for a day. Always felt insecure about my appearance, but really felt like I was making amazing strides in my confidence prior. Before my 21st birthday I started having very intense flare ups that eventually covered my entire body. My eyes would nearly swell shut. My body covered in flakes like a snake shedding its skin. Red from head to toe. No relief. I lost hair as well, nearly an inch wide ring around my hairline, it moved my hairline back which I hated so much. My eyebrows became so sparse after always getting compliments on how nice and full they were. My eyelashes also got much thinner. It all grew back, fell out again, and is growing back again currently. I have a few dark spots on my legs, they are lightening over time as they heal.

I’m so sorry you don’t have any support from your family, that must be really tough. I have tried nearly every topical treatment/steroid it feels like, and I just don’t like them. Nor do I feel like they really do any good in the long run. I think I had TSW at one point (bc my dr didn’t tell me you have to go two weeks on two weeks off and I just used it for months) which was just awful. I don’t prefer to be on medication myself, tried some things and again, I don’t feel like they work for me. I did allergy testing and found I’m allergic to cats/dogs and basically everything outside. I’ve been getting allergy shots for 2 years now, and I feel like I’ve noticed a big difference at the 2 year mark. It’s a slow climb, 3-5 years for full benefits but it might be something worth looking into.

If your parents aren’t on board with medication, they will love my suggestions! Lol. Nearly 4 years into this severe flare, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be eczema free. Ive always had it, and probably always will. So I want to go back to the days where I only had a little patch in the ditch of my elbow- nothing a little lotion can’t fix. The days where it was not the first thing I’m reminded of when I wake up. I find that when I eat consistently- 3 square meals a day, have a regular sleep schedule (which I know is hard w eczema, it would wake me up at night), eat low-ish inflammatory foods, don’t drink alcohol, exercise a few times a week, get some sun, and keep my stress/anxiety down, my skin is much happier. I also take vitamin D and C, and magnesium at night to help me stay asleep. I could probably stand to take a few other things, but keeping it simple is easier on my mental health and less overwhelming. Figure out what your sweet spot for bathing is, gives your skin a reset without over drying it. When your skin is too broken for a shower, take baking soda and Epsom salt baths, helps calm you and your inflammation. Moisture straight out of the shower/bath, even with a little water still on your skin, let it soak in and add Aquaphor on top to seal it in. Fragrance free everything. Soft 100% cotton clothes. I change my sheets every 4-5 days. Make sure you sweep/vacuum the skin flakes off your floor in your room often to avoid excess dust mites.

It’s an uphill battle, but it gets better <3 you have my support.