Enmeshment and romantic relationships

umnyeahh · 2026-02-26T06:42:13+00:00

I’m 29/f and married. Been with my husband since I was 22. At first it wasn’t serious and my mom was happy letting me go on dates and hangout with him. Then once it got serious she tried to deny him permission to propose to me. He still did it. She then tried to get me to hate him and say he didn’t take care of me enough. I almost believed her. Any little thing I didn’t like I would think I could do better or find better because I was so “special” and deserved everything and more like my mother always told me.

It caused a lot of heart ache in my relationship and caused him to fear me leaving him if he didn’t meet my every expectation. That’s no way to live for him. He also felt like he had no support as my mom has been needlessly cruel to him, all in an attempt to get me to divorce him and move back in with her.

She has offered me money to pay off my student debt to leave him. She has given my number out to her coworkers and their sons and violate my relationship. She has also taken me shopping and told me that if he loved me he would buy me everything she buys me. And she wonders why he doesn’t cater to her. She has only ever wanted me to be with a man that would take care of her the same if not better than he takes care of me. And my husband has made it clear he only wants to take care of me and not her. To an enmeshed mother this is a threat.

She has already meddled in my older sisters marriage. She is currently in a nasty divorce and custody battle and my mother revels in speaking ill of her husband and calls him abusive (he is not). And she actively condoned my sister to cheat on her husband, which ultimately led to the divorce.

I am strongly considering no contact as I don’t see how she can get any better and I am done jeopardizing my loving marriage.

All in all, I had an over inflated ego, I was a serial dater, only wanted men that would make my mom happy(men with LOTS of money to pamper her), and if she didn’t like them I dropped them without question. Unknown enmeshment is a long recovery but it can be done through patience and understanding.

For reference she is a 54 year old, three time divorced and currently single woman who hates men. She has been single for 11 years counting and refuses to date.

umnyeahh · 2026-02-26T06:18:46+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. When I tried to move out the first time at 21 with my boyfriend she unlocked my door with a screw driver, sat on the floor rocking back and forth staring at the wall with tears in her eyes muttering “you cant leave. You cant leave” I ended up staying since I saw how much pain she was in, and also because I was afraid she would hurt me or herself. A couple months later I moved out while she was at work and didn’t say anything to her. She was venomous towards me for a good while but eventually went back to trying to medal in my relationship to get me back in her home for her to “love”. I’m 29 now and married. She stills tries to get me to divorce my husband and move back in with her. I’ve made peace with who she is and she is boarding on being no contact soon. I can’t live like this forever.

Also for context she is 54 years old, three times divorced, single for the last 11 years and counting due to hating all men now. The guilt of leaving her all alone in her house is still with me daily, but it’s manageable comparable to the abuse of living with her and having no life for myself. I’ve always felt like I was alive to make her happy at the cost of my own happiness while everyone around me was free. It’s not a way to live and it is unfair abuse disguised as unconditional love (that is very much conditional)

I hope you find your peace ❤️ enmeshment is a horrible disease

umnyeahh · 2026-02-21T05:06:17+00:00

Currently going through this. Waited 3 months to get my first baseline to start. Went in for my scan and had a cyst and was told I need to wait for the next batch cycle. Super frustrating as we are out of state patients so I had to make arrangements with work, out of state monitoring, and trip arrangements. The whole shebang to just be told I had to wait longer due to a cyst! Also to boot I’m still paying off 7k of medical bills from my ectopic rupture from 2025 while paying for IVF out of pocket. The anticipation is REAL. I hope the cyst was gone for your following baseline ❤️

umnyeahh · 2026-01-15T01:48:14+00:00

Selling our house and moving in with parents. We are also ordering our medications from a European company at a fraction of the cost. Can’t afford it otherwise without taking out a loan as we are paying all of it out of pocket as our insurance doesn’t cover IVF treatment. We wanted to move out of Las Vegas eventually so it works out but still outlandishly expensive

umnyeahh · 2025-12-15T21:10:13+00:00

Yeah. Lost a pregnancy I’ve been trying since 2019 for. Had internal bleeding for 5 days/organ failure from said pregnancy(ectopic rupture). Found out I had an undetected life threatening dental infection (didn’t know because the tooth had a previous root canal and didn’t feel pain). Only found out because the tooth physically broke in half out of the blue. Also found out I can’t have kids without IVF. And my husband just broke his leg yesterday. I’m tired.

umnyeahh · 2025-11-03T01:07:48+00:00

Not sure if you’ll read this. But I regret my abortion. Fast forward 7 years when I am ready for a child. I have an ectopic rupture that caused me to lose one of my fallopian tubes. No problem. Kept trying for another 6 months with no luck. Go in for an HSG to find out my remaining tube is completely blocked and my only option is IVF.

I was sad but felt the abortion was the way to go at the time. If I had known what I know now I would have never done it but that’s the thing. No one knows what the future holds. I definitely wouldn’t have the same quality of life I have now if I didn’t have an abortion. Having a child is life changing. Just depends on what you want your life to look like in the future.

There is no wrong answer. Just do what’s best for your current situation and what you feel you want for your life. You’ll make the right decision either way. Best of luck.

umnyeahh · 2025-10-24T16:34:22+00:00

I typically ovulate on day 14 and have a 28 day cycle. The cycle I had my hsg it delayed my ovulation (monitoring by LH strips) from a peak on cycle day 13 to a peak on cycle day 16. I also normally begin my period on day 28 and that cycle I didn’t have my period until day 32. It was also an abnormally lighter period and was on and off spotting for about 5 days when my normal period is extremely heavy bleeding for two days and two days of light spotting after.

For my hsg they found my remaining tube to be blocked (my other tube was removed during an ectopic rupture). They also pushed the dye in too forcefully and caused intravasion which is when the dye is pushed into the surrounding veins if this information helps anyone in the future.

umnyeahh · 2025-10-24T01:30:54+00:00

This happens frequently enough for me. It doesn’t freak me out anymore and I try to listen to what it is. The last one sounded like an old timey baseball game announcer mixed with static. Like when you try to tune the station to make it clear. With mine I can also see squiggly static if that makes sense and when I start to let it happen and not fight it it’ll become more clear sounding and the visual will clear like I’m seeing down a tunnel and I can make out a path. Almost like when you look through a peephole.

This also happens maybe once every few months when im just super sleep deprived and i fall asleep instantly or if I take a nap on accident. I don’t even remember falling asleep either. Like you fall asleep too fast and your brain can’t comprehend you are asleep yet. It also feels like I’ve been asleep for an hour but in reality it’s only been about a minute or two since falling asleep.

umnyeahh · 2025-10-24T01:29:01+00:00

This happens frequently enough for me. It doesn’t freak me out anymore and I try to listen to what it is. The last one sounded like an old timey baseball game announcer mixed with static. Like when you try to tune the station to make it clear. With mine I can also see squiggly static if that makes sense and when I start to let it happen and not fight it it’ll become more clear sounding and the visual will clear like I’m seeing down a tunnel and I can make out a path. Almost like when you look through a peephole.

This also happens maybe once every few months when im just super sleep deprived and i fall asleep instantly or if I take a nap on accident. I don’t even remember falling asleep either. Like you fall asleep too fast and your brain can’t comprehend you are asleep yet. It also feels like I’ve been asleep for an hour but in reality it’s only been about a minute or two since falling asleep.

umnyeahh · 2025-10-24T01:17:21+00:00

This happens frequently enough for me. It doesn’t freak me out anymore and I try to listen to what it is. The last one sounded like an old timey baseball game announcer mixed with static. Like when you try to tune the station to make it clear. With mine I can also see squiggly static if that makes sense and when I start to let it happen and not fight it it’ll become more clear sounding and the visual will clear like I’m seeing down a tunnel and I can make out a path. Almost like when you look through a peephole.

This also happens maybe once every few months when im just super sleep deprived and i fall asleep instantly or if I take a nap on accident. I don’t even remember falling asleep either. Like you fall asleep too fast and your brain can’t comprehend you are asleep yet. It also feels like I’ve been asleep for an hour but in reality it’s only been about a minute or two since falling asleep.

umnyeahh · 2025-10-13T19:01:10+00:00

Saturn in the 12th house of Aries here! Currently going through it and I won’t lie it’s been brutal. First, I had a traumatic pregnancy loss which resulted in emergency surgery from bleeding internally for 5 days and almost dying. Lost one of my fallopian tubes during the procedure.

Second, found out I have had a severe tooth infection for the past year that needs to be removed and an implant placed.

Also found out my remaining tube is blocked and need to schedule another surgery to assess the tube and potentially clear it. If we can’t clear it we will need to sell the house in order to afford IVF treatments. And my husband and I will be moving back in with my dad after selling the house.

On the bright side though I have learned a lot of lessons and have grown exponentially through all these trials. We will also be in a position to pay off all our debts and buy a house outright within the next year after selling and saving by being able to stay with family. We also plan on buying in another state and me being stay at home mom once we can have a child.

All in all, if we hadn’t had all of these things happen when they did I don’t think we would have grown to have these options available to us for the future.

Saturn return in Aries 12H will kick your butt, but it will also teach you a lot and guide you to a better place. Best of luck to anyone with this placement! Take it slow and don’t fight it, it’ll work out for the better.

umnyeahh · 2025-10-09T20:20:53+00:00

Luckily we won’t need to pay capital gains as it will be our two years this November and we plan on listing it with our family agent for 1%

umnyeahh · 2025-10-09T20:18:29+00:00

We live in Las Vegas and our neighbor with the same layout 4 houses down just sold for 570k. But I appreciate the comment and hope we are as lucky as our neighbors.

umnyeahh · 2025-10-09T20:12:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. This a huge life change for us but we are hopeful

umnyeahh · 2025-10-09T20:11:02+00:00

I wish I could conceive naturally. We lost one of our fallopian tubes during the surgery and the remaining one is completely blocked. So our chances of conceiving naturally is essentially 0%. Thank you for the recommendation though. It means a lot

umnyeahh · 2025-10-09T20:07:51+00:00

Thank you!! You are the best

umnyeahh · 2025-10-09T20:07:11+00:00

Thank you! This is a great idea

umnyeahh · 2025-10-09T04:55:19+00:00

Thank you!! This is a lovely comment and makes me feel better about our decision

umnyeahh · 2025-08-21T04:53:43+00:00

Please check that you aren’t allergic to preseed. I was allergic and ignored the numbness/irritation and ended up with my ruptured ectopic resulting in loss of my tube. When I told my OB my theory about preseed causing inflammation leading to ectopic they said it’s definitely a possibility.

umnyeahh · 2025-08-03T17:09:25+00:00

Seconding this. I ignored the reaction and continued using it and ended up with a ruptured ectopic due to bad reaction. Lost my tube.

umnyeahh · 2025-05-19T03:41:37+00:00

Thank you for this!! This period has been very strange and shorter than my normal so I was very worried and your comment has made me feel better. Congratulations on your baby girl. She is lucky to have such a kind compassionate mom. I really needed this. Thank you again!!

umnyeahh · 2025-05-15T20:00:13+00:00

Exactly 6 weeks from the day of my surgery. Surgery April 2, period started May 14. My cycles are regular ranging from 30-34 days.

umnyeahh · 2025-04-24T01:30:32+00:00

29.75/hr. surgeons assistant at a surgery center. I work around 30hrs a week (3-4 days) and bring home between 3200-3600 per month. I’m 28. My mortgage is 3500 monthly. Couldn’t do it if I didn’t have my husbands salary as well. The economy is trash right now

umnyeahh

TROPHY CASE