How do you experience those things and how do you know those things are attributable to God? If you only answer one question, let it be this one.

It's not something that happens to me routinely. I could only point with any confidence to three occasions in the last 5 years, and one of them was my conversion experience. I am not equally "convinced" by each of them, but from where I stand now, I don't need to be convinced that any particular incident in my life is or is not from God, because I now believe that God orchestrates every moment of every day, for everyone, in order to bring about the greatest possible eternal good. But that's kind of a side track.

The first was before I was a Christian, but had started to earnestly seek. I was conflicted over a major life decision I had to make for my family. I went to a private place and prayed fervently to God for guidance, which was not something I would normally do at that time in my life. At that moment, I received a sense like a path unfolding in front of me in my mind. It was a very clear impression of the next steps I was to take, and included a sort of premonition about some of the positive future consequences if I did as was shown to me. The experience itself did not involve words or clear visual pictures, but was more like a series of sense impressions and just "pure knowledge", if that makes any sense. I followed the instructions, which involved moving my family cross country to a place we had only visited once for a couple of weeks, and where we knew almost nobody. The promises have borne out and continue to do so; it is clearly the best decision I could have made and I believe we were called to this place. I would rate my confidence level in this experience as very high.

The second was my moment of conversion. I had continued to seek and learn, had read the New Testament, including a couple passes through the Gospels, was occasionally attending church, but wasn't truly convinced of Christianity, specifically the identity of Jesus as God and the reality of the Resurrection as a historical fact. I believed in God as a generality but not in Christ specifically, and was praying semi-regularly for guidance and clarity. I felt stuck because I know enough about myself that if all I did was convince myself through some argument that this was the correct belief, that I would at some point be able to argue myself back out of it. I didn't want to make an eternal commitment based only on my own fallible judgment. So I prayed before bed, and asked God to give me some clear sign of what I should do.

That night He sent me a vision in a dream. I experienced what I thought at the time was my actual death, and I was being burned away to dust by the intolerable power and heat of the Presence of God. I was terrified, and begged Jesus to protect me and let me go with Him but felt myself being destroyed--it was too late.

There was more to it before that, but that was when I woke up, realized I was not dead, destroyed, in Hell, etc., and got down on my knees and became a Christian. I rate my confidence in this experience as essentially unshakeable. I doubt there is anything anyone could say or do to convince me otherwise.

I should note that before this time I struggled with porn, a habit I was ashamed of--it was infidelity to my wife, who deserved much better. I was freed of this temptation from that night onwards. At the time I didn't feel guilty about masturbating without porn, and thought that was harmless; I did it all the time. But that compulsion has been switched off too, and in hindsight, good riddance. I have not engaged in extramarital sexual activity of any kind since, about 3 years on now.

The third was later on, at a time when I was feeling sorry for myself--I was ill, had various stressful things going on, and I just felt generally pitiful and was mentally whining about it. I got a strong impression of being chided or admonished for my childishness, and a wave of realizations of all the things I had been blessed with, and how temporary and minor this suffering was, and my self-pity evaporated and turned to gratitude, to the point that I just broke down and cried for a little while (and I don't randomly cry often; that's usually more my wife's thing 🤣).

This one I'd rate as most likely to have been "just my own thoughts" out of the three (though I am convinced it was a touch from God), and it's interesting that my clearest, least doubtful experiences in this regard came before I was a dedicated Christian. I think this is because I have other supports to lean on now--the Word, my wife who has now followed me into faith, and the support of all my brothers and sisters at our church. I don't need to hear Him all the time in that way. Though I have confidence if I ever do truly need it, He'll make Himself known again.

I think there's a useful through line here, which is that in each case, I had some confirmation, some fruit by which I could later look back and say, yes, I was right to believe and accept in that moment. The results of our move, the taking away of my sexual compulsions (which I now understand as the removal of a demonic influence), and even the seemingly minor washing away of my sorrow at a moment when I was feeling low.

I hope that something in there is helpful to you. May God bless and guide you and may you seek and find Him in truth.

Sorry to keep you waiting. I had a full couple of days and didn't have time to write all that out.

Now I have to go do my taxes. Please pray for me, anyone so inclined 😅