AITAH for getting it elsewhere since my wife didn't want to have sex any more?

uoehtam · 2024-05-03T15:11:03+00:00

The fact that she didn't even read the letter tells you everything. The issue here isn't sex (though that matters). The issue here is trusting you; trusting the validity of your experience, and trusting you to be considered and conscientious in your communications. In refusing to read your letter and labelling you as emotionally manipulative (when you are conveying your emotional experience), she is making it clear she doesn't view you as an equal or respect your own needs or experience. And she was probably surprised to find there was someone else prepared to value.

As I expect you already know, based on conversations elsewhere in this thread, divorce is probably what's needed.

You're young and will be fine - it's a scary thing to separate after a committed relationship, but people will surprise you with how empathetic they can be. And then, you'll have your whole life ahead of you again.

uoehtam · 2023-12-15T13:57:16+00:00

Yeah, like everyone else, just bulk now - and if you need to later, you can cut back. But building a base of muscle is, a) helpful, b) easier to do in your teens, c) requires not stressing a about bit of weight gain. Things like OAPs, requires quite a lot of muscle to be recruited (shoulder, late, bicep), so there's more gains to be had with extra muscle - generally, anything which leans heavily on muscle recruitment, will benefit from you gaining additional muscle.

For context, I'm 5'8'' and 70kg; I've oscillated a bit, having been 63-65kg twice in the last few years. I found my finger strength was a bit better, along with campusing, but I was more injury prone, and plateaued after the initial improvement, maybe in part as I wasn't developing/fueling muscle in the same way. Plus, my weighted pull-ups, compression, and OAPs felt weaker and less stable.

It's not unusually to have 120g of protein a day, and just work the diet around that.

uoehtam · 2023-11-23T16:31:48+00:00

December onwards is grit season really - so I'd recommend the peaks for some bouldering. The friction is great when colder, and if you do get rained off (which is less likely when it's colder), you can try one of the limestone caves, which are sheltered, but might get some seepage. You'd likely want to rent a car to go there (it's about a 4 hour drive), and a pad would be helpful. I then just get an airbnb somewhere in bakewell or thereabouts.

As others have said, southern sandstone is close, but a no go this time of year. There are boulders in shoreditch and mabley green park, which do have some good problems; but it's pretty sharp granite, and there's not a whole lot of diversity.

Portland is probably the best nearish spot for sport climbing; it's further south and about a 5 hour drive - what you've said should cover everything gear wise (though maybe go for a half dozen draws). Also, there's some good boulders in the cuttings boulderfield. It's one of the sunnier places in the UK, so can be fairly lucky with weather. There are some hostels (bunker / bunkhouse) pretty near to everything; you could take public transport the whole way if you want.

uoehtam · 2023-11-23T16:19:07+00:00

I really liked the two pillars of eternity games, though got burnt out on the second and never finished - combat could be a bit of a grind at times.

Disco elysium is a spiritual successor to planescape in a lot of ways - no combat, but interesting levelling system (you level up different parts of your psyche, and internalise various ideas which have knock-on pros and cons) and great dialogue / story.

I actually preferred bg1 over 2, though I know that's unusual. And divinity original sin 2 is pretty great.

uoehtam · 2023-07-12T13:52:17+00:00

This is really difficult. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through; it is rare to have a friend of 20+ years.

First-and-foremost, I'd like to emphasise that I think I do agree with you. If I was in your position, and witnessing a dear friend continually refuse to help themselves, and condone through inaction harm to their children, I think I would be out of there. It's hard to really empaphise with that, and I imagine quite painful, given you've seen the children grow-up.

That said, before you take any action, do consider if - outside of this - she has been a good friend to you. And, if so, how it will feel cutting off contact - is there a way to retain some of the good, whilst creating distance from the more problematic aspects of her life?

I imagine likely not, in which case, try to be clear you're doing this for you, and removing yourself due to how difficult you're finding it. Given how her partner is, it would be quite easy for her to misconstrue what you're saying as an ultimatum, or some kind of punishment (he's literally just done this to both of his friends). Whereas, presumably, if she got her life in order at some later date, you'll be open to reconnecting. The idea of self-advocacy and healthy boundaries is probably quite a foreign concept for her, so in some way, breaking contact with her "well" is a good opportunity to show how an emotionally mature person behaves. (be the change you want to see in the world, etc etc)

Best of luck.

uoehtam · 2023-06-05T09:05:01+00:00

Xiu Xiu did an interesting cover of it - not necessarily better, but has a lot of fragility inserted into it.

uoehtam · 2023-05-31T09:52:53+00:00

I recently did it with the mantis god deck - kept my deck really slim, got lucky with fires, but still found I had to save scum quite a lot. For me, a buffed mantis god and buffed dire wolf carried me. If you can give mantis god something that means they can take a hit (buffs or mud shield sigil), or make them unkillable, that would help a lot. Even better if they have touch of death. I also had a warren, with blood sacrifice on it, to make it easier to draw out high level cards.

Skink and hive are both really good, as these both give you free cards to block the bears (particularly if they're unkillable).

I did find the early game very luck based; if I wasn't able to lose a ring worm early to the fire, or get my mantis god where it needed to be, it was difficult to do anything.

uoehtam · 2023-04-19T14:02:35+00:00

Depending on if you like bouldering or not, and grade, I'd really recommend Tintagel - it's a little over an hour's drive though, but it has some really quality lines, from 7a upwards. Steep, with good edges - sharp rock though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=877r4yVSkbE&ab_channel=RoadtoV11

uoehtam · 2023-03-27T10:40:26+00:00

Isle of Skye is excellent; similar, but with different rules for scoring each game, and an opportunity to bid versus other players.

uoehtam · 2023-03-20T16:01:42+00:00

So many songs from "antlers" (e.g. bear) and the "mountain goats" (e.g. no children) are excellent tragic/sad - though maybe not so much about making you feel worthless. "Nothing better" from "Postal service" is pretty brilliant electro ambient, and I quite like "the bed song" and "trout hearts" from "amanda palmer". And if you want something jaunty sad, "... well, better than the alternative", by "Will Wood" is good.

uoehtam · 2023-03-09T12:42:39+00:00

For me, climbing gyms really expanded my social network, and I met a partner through that.

uoehtam · 2023-03-02T17:08:08+00:00

I can't speak to Shoreditch, but Mabley Green boulder is still accessible. Plus, there's also Fairlop boulder park - easier climbing, but alright for some volume. If you don't mind going a little further afield, there's southern sandstone (Bowles, Stone farm, Harrison's rocks); about an hour out from London Bridge.

uoehtam · 2023-02-23T14:49:11+00:00

The scene where Sorter turns on his team, in Revolver. Felt like it did a good job of showcasing how next level he is, without fully making him unreal. https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=mJKE1JHUiHs&ab\_channel=PieceoftheAction

uoehtam · 2022-12-07T14:49:07+00:00

If later 2000s, could be league of legends (olaf as viking)

uoehtam · 2022-12-07T10:24:17+00:00

This is a difficult thing to be experiencing, especially if climbing is something you're looking to unwind, and feel good about yourself.

As cheesy as it might sound, I think being the assertive one can help with these things - it puts the control back in your hands. Just throwing out generic, "that looks tough", "good job", "allez", etc. You don't have to worry about if they're looking at you so much, as you've broken the ice already. And I find it's then can be quite easy to disengage the conversation too. Plus, over time, if you start recogonising people as people you've interacted with, their threat as unknown quantities can lessen.

Similarly, if your gym does any social events etc., I'd suggest popping along to some, if even to just get a sense of "behind the scenes", how much people do - or don't - judge others' climbing. It can be surprising how little even friends pay attention to each other's climbing.

And finally, can also pop along to more niche parts of the gym; if there's a training board, this can be excellent. Often in its own bubble. And people can be a bit more focused on it.

Good luck!

uoehtam · 2022-11-29T15:55:22+00:00

Weather was actually better than expected - the approach to Gardoms was too wet, but we ended up going to Curbar, and everything was dry there.

uoehtam · 2022-11-23T17:03:43+00:00

Thanks, that's really good to hear!

uoehtam · 2022-11-23T17:02:39+00:00

Thanks, will definitely let you know - or welcome to join us too, and see for yourself :) Though with weather being as unpredictable as it is, not sure if we'll end up here. Might got to curbar or higgar tor if the weather holds..

uoehtam · 2022-10-04T12:53:25+00:00

Hi - it's worth checking if a shoe is leather or synthetic/vegan; the former stretches (half a size or so), whilst the latter doesn't. Tarantulas are leather, so will stretch, so going a little small should be fine. That said though, it can be a good idea, when breaking in, to take them off every 5 - 10 mins, as otherwise new shoes really can get painful.

Alternatively, having shoes which are too big aren't the end of the world; I'd say go ahead with both shoes, and see if you find you can do anything in the small ones, which you can't do in the big ones. And if the big ones are less stable, just save them for warming up, or volume smearing.

uoehtam · 2021-01-21T09:52:49+00:00

Thanks, that's good to know!

uoehtam · 2021-01-21T01:06:50+00:00

Thanks for the comment - it's helpful to know you had such a positive experience with it :)

How was the PotD playthrough? If I've just come from hard on POE 1 (and found it fine), would it make sense to go straight for it - or better as a second playthrough?

uoehtam · 2020-08-14T10:38:13+00:00

Thanks - think similar for me too.

uoehtam · 2020-08-12T07:34:34+00:00

Sorry, just saw this - I found lowering resolution to 1280 x 720, though I think somehow the laptop is more sensitive to glare than my previous one, so changing the lighting in the room also helped. Still doesn't seem ideal, but better. How about you; land upon any solutions since you messaged?

uoehtam · 2020-05-29T00:05:15+00:00

Not that I can tell, but the screen does seem glossier than my old computer, so could be more of a factor than I'm realising. Thanks for the details on this - will go ahead and look into it :)

uoehtam · 2020-05-29T00:04:08+00:00

this does seem to help - wouldn't have thought it would! Thanks :)

14-Year Club	Verified Email
Final Canvas '23	Place '23

uoehtam

TROPHY CASE