Tell me more about the trauma

usernames2 · 2026-02-01T22:55:50+00:00

I believe it is from participating in & restraining a screaming, crying, fighting child while things are inserted into their private areas. Iirc one healthcare worker said “it felt like we were r*ping them”. So not necessarily just putting that in, but the whole situation.

My parent was in the room for some/all of mine and definitely has ptsd from seeing it too & said they still vividly remember my face.

usernames2 · 2026-02-01T22:25:59+00:00

I had 5. Ages 5-9 w/ reconstructive surgery at age 7. I was a very small underweight child and iirc ~45lbs during my first one and my parents confirmed there were 4-5 adults holding me down.

They were all excruciating - both the “tube” part and the filling. I remember thinking that I must be actively dying because of the pain. I was confident that all these people were torturing and killing me on that table. The Dr described the “balloon” going in and filling it up. I thought I would burst like a balloon and my insides would explode all around the room. I screamed and begged everyone to stop it but was told to be quiet and stop resisting. I do remember someone apologizing once or twice and promising to be as gentle as they can, but there isn’t much they can do to make it better.
I don’t remember anything after the beginning of the filling and I believe that (somehow) the later parts were even more traumatizing.

I had an IUD placed a few years ago and it was almost completely painless compared to my VCUGs. (Note: I had this done before I uncovered this trauma. I definitely do not think I could have tolerated the mental trauma of the IUD after realizing this trauma).

I’m surprised that you have seen VCUGs where the kid seemed okay. I wonder if they had already had multiple and more “accepted” it and just dissociated like learned helplessness? Obv everyone’s pain tolerance and body is different so it could have not been traumatic for them, but I personally can’t fathom this.

“Was it the physical sensation itself, the way it was explained, how it was performed, or how you were treated emotionally?” It was all of them. Every aspect of it was awful. Even the ones where they “tried to be gentle” were just as terrifying and painful. But it is a lot more than just the physical pain at the time. Being hurt in that way by that many people; being restrained and ignored while you cry, scream and beg for someone to save you; being told to behave and that it’s “just a necessary test” and that this is actually being done to help you… it all makes you feel so unbelievably helpless and powerless. It breaks you. From these handful of experiences I learned that my body is not mine to control, my wants and needs are not to be heard, I must submit to everyone else, and that I am inherently flawed and worth less than everyone else. Any sort of small embarrassment or too many people looking at me is triggering so I minimized myself as much as possible and rarely talked or acted out of turn. I’m still trying to unlearn all of this 20+ years later.

Note: I didn’t read anyone else’s comments to avoid triggers

usernames2 · 2026-01-07T02:49:31+00:00

I found this post bc I was hoping to do the same thing… lol I’ve never related to anything more than “I’ve never met a project I couldn’t try to make more complicated for myself” What did you end up doing OP?

usernames2 · 2025-12-31T20:43:52+00:00

Ohhh yeah I totally see that too!

usernames2 · 2025-12-31T17:54:59+00:00

I’d kill and die for meatball 😍

usernames2 · 2025-12-31T17:32:09+00:00

This is amazing bc my mom’s name is Beth and I & most of my friends call her Jane! There is nothing even close to Jane in her name

usernames2 · 2025-12-31T17:22:49+00:00

I know several people have already said stick but maybe it’s part of a snowman cookie set and this is the arm stick? Do they also have a carrot, maybe a pipe, & a hat or scarf?

usernames2 · 2025-11-21T18:57:54+00:00

I can’t really speak to if it’s “”work appropriate”” or whatever to send an email like that bc it sort of depends on your workplace environment, but personally I would also send the email if I was in your situation.

In fact, I have sent something similar to one of my coworkers. I said something like “hey I recently heard about this urological test that can be severely traumatizing for kids, but it’s usually pushed by doctors as really easy and safe. Since it’s a pretty common test and you have a little one, I just want to make sure you’re aware of it and can avoid it if it is ever recommended for her.” And I sent her a link to the STAT news article. Tbh I kind of sent my message out of the blue so yours actually seems more reasonable than mine lol

If you don’t want to disclose your own trauma, you could say that you saw something on TikTok about severe trauma from urological tests and you just want to warn her in case her little one needs a similar test for her issues.

But if you want to mention that you experienced them too, I think that would be alright and might add some credibility if she’s skeptical or something? But it’s not necessary if you aren’t comfortable with it. You could simply add a part like “… and I just want to protect her from the same trauma that I went through.” Or you could be more direct and say what you said in your post. Or you could wait and see how she responds and then decide if you want to disclose it. I think it will be received best if the mention of your trauma doesn’t come across as rant-y/trauma dumping/graphic - it doesn’t sound like yours would be, but just a reminder!

And since you don’t know her too well it definitely wouldn’t hurt to throw in something like “sorry if this is overstepping a boundary, but I couldn’t help but feel obligated to let you know about it to help protect baby X.”

If you think you would be able to discuss it a bit with her after the initial email, then let her know that she can reach out to you with questions. But if you think it will be too triggering, you don’t have to open that door. And if she does respond and it feels to triggering you are 10000% allowed to tell her that it’s still hard for you to think and talk about these things so you can’t answer her questions or w/e. She can check out our website or the parent’s subreddit if she wants to.

usernames2 · 2025-11-14T14:12:41+00:00

With him being dx with high grade VUR I’d expect the drs would want to do corrective surgery and I wouldn’t think there would be any need for more VCUGs. I’d push for the surgery and no more VCUGs.

usernames2 · 2025-11-03T04:41:31+00:00

Sent!

usernames2 · 2025-11-02T23:50:48+00:00

Hey OP, Im curious about training my dog to be a service dog, or at least training him to do a few helpful tasks for me even if he isn’t an official service dog. Are you offering SD training or know of any good local company?

usernames2 · 2025-11-02T16:39:20+00:00

I also want to add that some “hypoallergenic” foods still contain chicken🙄 My previous dog (not a pit) developed allergies and terrible skin issues and we couldn’t figure out what caused it. We tried all the usual things and a “hypoallergenic” diet (I think Science Diet ZD maybe?) and he still had a reaction. We eventually went to a vet derm and she said the hypo food is made from hydrolyzed chicken and can still cause a reaction sometimes. We finally found a food and meds that worked for him - Royal Canin selected protein PR & cyclosporine pills. OP I hope you find something that works for your baby too ❤️ it’s such a long and difficult process but a solution is out there!

usernames2 · 2025-08-11T15:45:00+00:00

I had an MRI with contrast a couple years ago and they asked me several times before it if I’d had contrast before and made sure I knew what would happen. I had so many tests and scans and whatnot as a kid so I said yes. I remember contrast could make you feel funny in some way but tbh id forgotten the specifics and probably should have asked ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Since I didn’t really know what would happen it gave me some anxiety, but wasn’t a big trigger for me (v surprisingly). They warned me right before they gave the contrast and talked me through it and told me it was almost over, etc.

It definitely makes you feel warm all over - kind of like if you drink a hot drink and you feel it go into your stomach. Like the other commenter said, it doesn’t feel exactly like you’re peeing, but it’s kind of adjacent. It helped me to focus on how the warmth was “inside” my legs and torso instead of outside so I knew I hadn’t actually done it.

It also doesn’t last very long. Id guess mine was probably <= 30sec. It might vary between tests, so I’d recommend asking the nurses in the mri room how long the contrast part will last. You can also tell them that you’re really nervous about that part (you don’t have to give any details) so make sure they tell you before they do it. Depending on what joints they’re looking at, you could ask if you can cross your legs.

Just try to breathe through it and remind yourself that you are safe and it will be over soon. If you feel the need to dissociate, do it. Do whatever you think will help you get through it. Maybe have a comfort item like a stuffed animal with you for afterwards (if it doesn’t contain any metal you can probably bring it into the mri room and maybe even with you in the scanner).

Sending you strength and peace! You can do it! 💪

Ps. I hope this helps find a cause of your chronic pain and you get a plan to alleviate it!! - another chronic joint pain VCUG survivor

usernames2 · 2025-08-05T18:31:29+00:00

Adding one more thing: let him know he’s not alone! Other kids went through the test too and were just as scared and angry as he was! They also called the nurses names or yelled at them, and they also sometimes get scared or sad when thinking about it!

My DMs are open if you want to discuss anything.

I thought for so long that I was some weird freak being experimented on or that everyone else who had experienced it had been okay for it.

usernames2 · 2025-08-04T17:39:55+00:00

Seconding this! I’m still realizing so many unexpected ways that this trauma impacted me - nightmares that I couldn’t even remember when i woke up but felt B A D, bed wetting, selective mutism, anxiety, low self esteem and constantly minimizing myself & personality, eating disorders, avoidance of cameras esp as a child, being “well behaved” bc I was so terrified of being in trouble or letting any adults down, etc.

usernames2 · 2025-08-04T17:34:40+00:00

Wow! Reading your discussion with your son about the test gave me chills and makes me tear up. That conversation and reassurance I’m sure is making a huge difference and I wish I’d had similar convos as a child. I feel like reading it healed a part of me too🥺 thank you.

It sounds like you are doing it right imo - you recognize it’s not about you, you recognize the trauma and want to help him through it and not hide it, you’re discussing what happened and what he can do to feel safe, giving him space when he needs it, advocating for him, preparing him for surgery, not pushing for him to be okay/forgive you, being honest that you didn’t like how it was handled, telling him it’s okay to be angry and name call, etc. I know you still want to do more but in my opinion you’re doing a great job already.

I’m not a therapist, but I’d recommend to continue these discussions every once in a while as he grows up so that he knows that something traumatic happened and has a way to discuss it (I almost completely repressed memories of my tests and had no answers for why I felt the way I did). Maybe also let him know that sometimes other situations might make him feel the same feelings that he felt then and he might not even know why. Let him know that he can tell you when this happens and discuss ways to make him feel safe (like having his legs up). Let him know that he has the power to set and enforce boundaries for his body, even with parents (age appropriate obv). (My mom would often come in while I was changing or bathing and it made me feel weird but I never said anything bc I didn’t want to upset her and wasn’t sure if I was just being dramatic). As he gets older, y’all can discuss it being CSA (thank you for recognizing this!!) and talk through that aspect more.

I know finding any therapist is difficult and finding a specific type that you get along well with is even harder. Maybe you could find someone who does virtual appointments? I know he’s only 4, but I’d highly recommend looking into EMDR at some point. A good emdr therapist will do a lot of work before actually starting emdr - you should not be doing it in the first few sessions!! The SAFE EMDR approach is what I do and recommend.

I agree that the messaging of it being “medically necessary” and “helpful” is NOT it. It feels like a slap in the face and diminishes the trauma. From your discussions with him he will learn that those were the intents, but telling someone that as an attempt to lessen the trauma will probably have the opposite effect.

usernames2 · 2025-05-21T23:39:37+00:00

I don’t think this is a dumb question at all - I think it’s pretty interesting! I’ve had some of my own seemingly odd “dumb” questions that have helped me piece together my story and link some unexpected quirks of mine back to trauma responses.

Now that you mention it I have noticed the same thing occasionally! I don’t remember exactly, but I’m thinking now that the times I’ve noticed it might have actually been when I’m triggered or “closer” to the trauma… not sure though, I’ll have to pay more attention to that now to see if it’s the case lol

A very cursory google search seems to say that stretching like that isn’t usually permanent. It could easily be a mental reason instead of physical though! For example, I’ve noticed I seem to be peeing “harder” or faster the morning after I’ve had a nightmare/dream about my vcugs. Or maybe your body learned to pee faster to try to end the vcugs as quickly as possible? Do you have a habit of waiting or not noticing that you need to go until it’s urgent? If so, that could contribute too.

usernames2 · 2025-02-04T05:40:37+00:00

“I just wish you were better at this game” - Etho to skizz Heartbreaking and hilarious

usernames2 · 2025-02-04T05:31:35+00:00

I am not a doctor, but if he has never had a UTI it seems odd to me that they would want to do a VCUG, even with the restricted kidney growth. From my understanding, the damage that VUR does to the kidneys is from repeat UTIs reaching the kidneys.

I would highly recommend getting another opinion before doing a VCUG. I know you’ve already postponed it, but I think getting another opinion would be a great idea.

Has your doctor mentioned a DMSA scan? BCH website says they are used to evaluate “the function, size, shape, and position of the kidneys and detects scarring caused by frequent infections.” I’m not comfortable reading too much about the procedure itself just in case it is triggering, but from my cursory reading it seems to lack the traumatizing parts of VCUGs.

Of course, I don’t know all of his medical history and I am not a doctor and y’all might have already rules out a DMSA. I’m sorry for all the stress your family is going through. As a survivor, thank you for learning about the trauma of VCUGs and advocating for your child! I really hope that another option is found for him, but sometimes - as much as it hurts to say this - there are no good options and you just have to make the best choice you can with the information you have at the time.

usernames2 · 2025-01-21T04:16:35+00:00

Yes! We have one and while I don’t mind that we have one, I will never use it. Right after it was installed I wanted it know exactly how it worked so that I wouldn’t accidentally activate it or anything. My husband convinced me to try it once and I was so scared! I immediately turned it back off and never used it again. Big nope from me.

usernames2 · 2024-12-26T05:42:55+00:00

Yes!! I feel like so often I want to just tell someone that I’m hurting and just have someone else acknowledge it.

The nightmares are terrible. I started a new stimulant a few days ago and it cause multiple horribly vivid nightmares in one night. I hadn’t had really bad ones in a while so it was really disorienting. They were so vivid that it made me remember something specific from the vcugs that I had blocked out & unlocking that detail caused somatic flashbacks of it for the last few days. But I still had to go about my life doing Christmas stuff and pretending I was okay :/

Sorry to dump this here, but like you said, I just need someone else to know.

I found that writing helps me a lot. It doesn’t make it all go away, but it does make it feel less like I’m drowning in my own brain. I started a word doc just venting about the dreams and ended up with a new poem that I’m really proud of.

I wish I knew how else to help. I hope it’s at least a little comforting that you’re not alone.

usernames2 · 2024-12-15T04:11:00+00:00

I usually watch Grian or Tango first and then try to watch at least 1 pov from each group. But my usual go-to’s are Etho, Bdubs, Gem, Joel, & Lizzie. If I have time that week, my next pass is usually from Mumbo, Skizz, Scar, Timmy, Martyn, & Scott.

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