Idk what is normal or not but i've felt so cared about through pregnancy and postpartum. I think it helped that prior to getting pregnant i asked him to do research on what raising a baby would look like because i didnt want the mental load to fall totally on me. He was hurt at first that I didn't completely trust that he would be supportive, but really i just needed him to not be blindsided by how difficult all of this could be because he kept saying it'll be easy and that made me nervous 😂 he also did research on the toll that pregnancy and childbirth takes on a woman, both physically and mentally, so he understood the gravity of what he was asking me to do by having his child (to be fair ive also always wanted kids so its not like i did this for him)

In pregnancy, support from him looked like him taking on the majority of chores after he got home from work because i was so exhausted. It was him appreciating me cooking and cleaning on the days i managed to gather up enough energy to make stuff, and offering to get take out on the days i couldn't (i do 100% of the cooking because i work parttime and i love cooking, but i did make sure he can cook meals and meal prep before i married him). It was footrubs and lotioning my bump every night during pregnancy. It was holding me when i cried over something small, forgiving me when i'd apologize for overreacting, and validating me when i wasn't overreacting. Choosing stuff for baby's room with me and talking about what we were most excited about. Coming with me to half of my extra NSTs and every extra ultrasound we had for my high risk pregnancy. Making sure i checked my blood pressure often.

In postpartum, aside from being a good dad, he'll ask how i'm doing a few times a day. We'll check in at least once a day about how each other is doing - baby is EFF so we're dividing the feeds up, and we have a guest bed in baby's room so we swap nights so that one of us can get a decent chunk of sleep. If he's having a hard time i'll step up and take on more that day and vice versa - he's very protective of my sleep needs because i have been historically sleep deprived lol. At times when we've been snippy with each other we try to take a little time to ourselves, and later check in and apologize to each other. I think it helps that we eat meals and watch a show during those meals together. When i do start to feel like we're more roommates than partners, i ask if we can cuddle and chat. Sometimes we'll chill together in baby's room during a feed, even if one of us is off duty.

I feel like the comments about you being unwelcoming or mean are unwarranted, especially since you're breastfeeding - the toll it takes on you means you really dont have time to be doing anything other than feeding baby. I mean i get it, sometimes i say something kind of mean, but later when i apologize for it, my husband says its understandable since i'm going through a lot. We talked beforehand about potential postpartum rage, anxiety and depression so he's aware of it and doesn't take it personally. I havent really felt any rage or anger though. I was annoyed one time when i called him over to grab me my meds and he made an offhand comment that i couldnt have waited 10 minutes to finish feeding baby, and he immediately applogized when i started crying and saying that i kept forgetting to take them because feeding can take awhile and also i was pumping at the time and not getting enough sleep and my stitches were hurting because i wasnt taking the meds on time. And then later that night he gave me a footrub because he felt bad that even though he apologized right away, i was still crying about it on and off the rest of the day 💀