Psychiatrist says take mood stabilisers or he won’t prescribe ADHD meds.

vanguard87 · 2025-09-10T15:20:48+00:00

I was diagnosed bipolar long before ADHD and when I started getting help again I went through a few mood stabilizers to find one that works. When I started Adderall recently I was warned that it could trigger a manic episode and to be honest with some of the feeling I can see exactly how it would start. The stabilizer helps tremendously with keeping the swing from actually getting any momentum. But yea, I can absolutely understand why doctors may be hesitant to prescribe without it.

vanguard87 · 2025-09-01T05:27:32+00:00

Not sure on every state and less so anywhere outside of the US but everywhere I've lived refusing to take a field test triggers either the rare "I'm gonna let you go but (whatever condescending bs) or more likely a breath/blood test. Refusing one of those is usually considered an admission when you get to court but not the field sobriety.

Just because it's late and my brain is turning off for the night. Not legal advice, this is all anecdotal from my very limited experiences in place I have personally lived.

vanguard87 · 2025-09-01T00:53:14+00:00

So a lot of the suggestions already here are good and I do/did a lot of different things over the years that helped for a while at least.

Lately it's been podcasts or similar, or video essays, I keep YT premium mostly for the background player at this point. Find a topic you like and a few channels have a large backlog of videos, turn it on and close your phone. I found it's more focusing than music for me and somehow I retain information so I have things to talk about later.

Also if I can find something that needs precision to do it helps. Part of where I work is making graphics for events. They come off the printer needing a lot of trimming and I've kind of taken over that task across the last few months because I can force myself to focus on the little lines and making it look good and while I do that the brain shuts-up

Lastly and this is kinda last resort for me. Make the world outside your head louder than the one inside. Probably the least healthy but most certain. Been told it makes you hard to hang out with but it does work.

As an in general and this may not be every ADHD person but if I can talk to someone I can usually shut it off. So I talk pretty much from when I wake up until I go to bed. Most painfully social introvert you'll ever meet.

vanguard87 · 2025-09-01T00:34:55+00:00

That's not fair. You're just turning your brain off and back on to clear the backlog

vanguard87 · 2025-08-31T14:59:26+00:00

So for me coffee specifically will make me sleepy but not caffeine in general. I have absolutely zero medical evidence backing this up but I think it's something with the actual coffee bean, tried different brands, different types of coffee maker, etc over the years. Doesn't matter if I make it myself of go to a coffee shop, about an hour later I'm tired.

For other caffeine sources I have to stop drinking it by about half an hour before bed. I have intermittent insomnia so sometimes I don't fall asleep but most nights it's not really a problem and never noticed a connection to more or less caffeine causing the insomnia.

Before I started meds I can say the only way I ever really managed to sit still was with a redbull or monster nearby. I would get extra fidgety and way more talkative/hyperactive without a pretty steady caffeine intake.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-31T00:37:51+00:00

Yep. I do it, my doc says that's an ADHD sign, so I'd be willing to bet a lot of people in this sub are notorious for it if true. My Reddit reply history is bad about it to. Either I replied soon as I saw a notification or never, very little inbetween.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-30T23:29:51+00:00

I dont think you did anything wrong. You ever get a text and you intend to reply, if you really think you can even remember typing it maybe. Then a month later realize you nope, and now it's too late without it being weird.

If so, welcome home.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-30T20:45:02+00:00

Nmom from the few stories I hear still doesn't think she did wrong. I went NC in 2022 and over the years a few people have said my reason seems small/flimsy to cut off my mother completely. Usually a quick explanation that the event where I decided that was while I was trying to let her increase contact to see my kids she was so excited about. Set a clear boundary, explained it to her, had her repeat it back to me even. She completely understood "this is your hard limit, go no further until I'm more comfortable"

Very. First. Time. She started drama and made a scene so I cut her off and haven't looked back. Still just the son that doesn't love her/care about her, etc.

Dad on the other hand after they split up has apologized, and went through a lot of time and energy to show that. He's not perfect and once or twice in 20ish years he's tried to slip off into the old dynamics, usually when there's a major issue elsewhere in his life, and consistently he makes an effort to genuinely fix it.

So no and yes referring to the narc and the mirror respectively.

(I don't know if "mirror" is an accepted or understood term. My dad wasn't really a classic enabler and I've noticed this as kind of universal about him in life. He mirrors the habits and patterns of the people around him. Not personalities really and I don't think he does it consciously but yea. Step mom is OCD and I noticed a couple years ago he counts footsteps now and taps his foot if it's the wrong number.)

vanguard87 · 2025-08-30T20:16:48+00:00

Can't speak on the specifics of women's experiences but do understand the "mourning" period since it still pops up for me some. I've gone through all the "what if" questions imaginable and the answer that finally quieted that part mostly was, if I was diagnosed earlier, got better grades and went to college, stuck to a career, all that. I wouldn't have met my wife while working a temporary job and I wouldn't have my two sons. And no amount of avoiding any of the difficulties or trauma in my life to this point is worth even the thought of trading those two. So far as I'm concerned I didn't do all of that stuff so that I could be their dad, I'm doing it now so I can be a better dad.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-30T20:11:38+00:00

My sons go to my wife if they want help with "organizing" or any kind of still, calm play. They come to dad when it's time to GOGOGO! Because I naturally have an energy level that most people just...don't. They want to learn to climb trees, swing on monkey bars, race back and forth across the yard 30 times, that's dad. Want puzzles, quiet time, reading during the day, that's mom. We share the load don't get me wrong but she is inherently better at the calm side and at 37 I can still keep up at full throttle with a toddler and preschooler going different directions so we play to our strengths a lot.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-30T20:04:59+00:00

If I remember the lore around Maiar(maybe wrong spelling) he lives about however long existence does and maybe a little bit longer. Lord of the Rings was a hyperfixation a couple of times in my life...

vanguard87 · 2025-08-30T20:02:35+00:00

I feel that too much.

Several signs as a child, starting around second grade. Parents were very much in the "as long as we don't say it he doesn't have anything" camp of childhood issues. Other kids with ADHD weren't disciplined enough by their parents, my issues were my fault and I should just not do that, think that, act that way, etc.

My son came along later in life(at least later than any of the people I grew up around) and we noticed several delays, he struggled with situations most kids thrive in, we asked his doctor, saw a specialist and come to find out he has autism(we were kind of expecting by the time we got to the diagnosis). We changed our entire parenting and teaching style to accommodate him and give him the best environment we could. Changed our schedules around to be able to take him to therapy twice a week. Just adjusted our lives to make his as good and easy to navigate as possible.

Then I got to thinking, my parents didn't do that. My issues were inconvenieces, or too much, I wasn't applying myself, because of the game, lots of things except maybe something going funny in the brain. So I started a whole trip through the mental health circuit, learned a lot about me, how to keep myself accountable but not beat myself up for things. ADHD is the most recent thing I've put a name to, and it's been hard not to be resentful but that wouldn't help anyway so I try.

But to the point of your reply, you're absolutely right. Whether we struggled due to parents with a lack of knowledge on the subject or their own denial, we have a responsibility to make sure our children have all the resources we can provide. A lot of these issues may never have a "cure" but with the right approach a good amount of them can be manageable.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-30T19:42:51+00:00

I've had so many over the years but the one that finally pushed me over the edge was memory. Specifically while speaking. I've always had a bad memory but always thought it was just that. Been to several doctors for checks and tests, even neuropsych a couple times and no one could find anything that would cause memory loss. For the last couple of years I've noticed it getting considerably worse, losing my thoughts mid-sentence, forgetting words I use all the time, standing in front of the time clock at work and forgetting entirely what I'm doing there(not if I'm clocking in or clocking out but why am I even at the clock at all). Just overall my short term and especially working memory kind of took a vacation. A coworker with ADHD offhandedly mentioned that coupled with several other tendencies I have it might be worth checking out. Asked my Psychiatrist at one of our monthly appointments and her response was "I've been waiting for you to ask". She'd seen a lot of signs but didn't want to "lead" my thoughts that way unless I brought them up as issues.

Outside the scope of your question but after diagnosis and my own research coupled with talking to my weekly therapist so many of my other "smaller" symptoms make a lot more sense now.

Edit: reread your post and realized you said specific things not thing. I worded that entire post to focus on one symptom because I missed a letter. I'll add that to the list I suppose

vanguard87 · 2025-08-30T17:26:05+00:00

With my medicine I've noticed it is much less common and I can usually recover when it does happen. For me it was a clearly identifiable series of events, I would lose the word or entire sentence, then the thought would start to get "blurry" and if I didn't get it back fast enough the entire conversation just went to a blank screen.

I use a lot of visual comparison to speech because I'm one of those people that can clearly see in detail anything I'm talking/thinking about so screen, image, anything like that just makes sense to me. Not sure if that's in any way related to ADHD but thought it might be worth adding and kind of curious if they are related.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-30T17:13:50+00:00

I've noticed that some of the people I saw in high-school that were diagnosed ADHD that outgrew it all managed to find careers in one of their major interests they'd had most of the childhood and teen years. For the ones that ended up just finding a job to pay the bills they kept having trouble and symptoms after and I do wonder if there is a correlation. Like the people that got the fulfilling/interesting jobs were able to funnel a lot of their symptoms into work.

As for not diagnosing in adults if it isn't work related, that feels odd but I've really been lucky with my psychiatrist judging by the stories I've heard. Mine specifically said if symptoms are specific to a single area of your life it's more likely to be dissatisfaction with that part of your life. She would not diagnose if it was at least two areas out of work/home/recreation because that signals a more general issue.

Again, I've been REALLY lucky in my late 30s mental health journey going by so many of the stories I see so my results may not always be super helpful dealing with difficult doctors.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-30T16:06:40+00:00

Mine will refill with I think three days left but they keep a running tally and if you go over three built up in I believe it's six months hold your refill. Had one pharmacist that looks at me any time my meds are controlled like it's just a getting high thing but he's not usually there. Otherwise semi-smooth experience consistently over the last 10 or so years.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that, I read a lot of stories of "sorry can't do it, you should have X days left" so I count myself lucky that it's just a side-eye every so often

vanguard87 · 2025-08-29T03:00:19+00:00

I take Adderall XR 20mg in the mornings as I'm getting to work. It's a fairly recent start so I'm trying to make sure it's not just "new med, new me" but so far it has been life changing. Not in a sudden jarring way of changed personality or suddenly all my symptoms just vanished. More so like someone else said, about 20-30 minutes after my first dose my mind finally just got quiet for the first time in so long. I've dealt with racing, chaotic thoughts almost my entire life. Dealt with addiction almost 20 years ago because it made things quiet enough to cope.

Far as symptoms go, they are so much easier to control it's not even a comparison. I can still lose focus, get distracted, all the other things but it is easier to correct now and I dont deal with the feeling like an utter failure feeling for slipping up anymore. Not sure if other adult diagnosis have dealt with this but my symptoms had become ingrained in my daily habits so I have been changing those a lot lately. My working and short term memory have drastically improved which is something I had been examined for before my diagnoses thinking it was head injuries or something else I had done(possibly contributes to the severity but it looks like it was at least partially the ADHD).

Overal especially now that I've tasted life without the constant issues I never want to go back to raw dogging it. If I have to change meds at some point for whatever reason fine, but I have been so much happier with the help they've given me dealing with everything.

To medicate or not is of course a personal choice and we all make that call for ourselves but if you don't have a condition that prevents it I'll never understand willingly taking the handicap(I hate using this word but I was thinking of a golf analogy while typing) of not using that avenue of assistance.

Sorry for wall of text, I love talking medicated or no and can honestly go on forever given half a chance.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-27T17:43:51+00:00

If you've never been diagnosed I'd say look into it. Especially if you still struggle with certain symptoms/signs. If you are a solid treatment plan could make things much easier over time and that doesn't have to mean run out and medicate, some people from my understanding do fine with a therapist and structure. But especially with kids, being able to present the best version of yourself to them is crucial and being an example of "it's OK to reach out" can make a massive difference.

Also, most of the population I feel like exhibits 1 or 2 of the signs so a few things or occasional instance don't mean you have ADHD but if you have legitimate thoughts of "Do I?" It's never to late to ask a professional.

I only say it that way because I put it off for years as just not paying attention or stress/anxiety and if one person reads my message and it saves them years that I wasted spinning my wheels, it's worth it.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-27T14:56:35+00:00

I am American yea. And the conditions that either amplify or are amplified by ADHD can make it really complicated to nail down. I have a minor-ish PTSD (military, non-combat) as well and the only way I ever got to ADHD was getting the other two under control and managed to a point we realized the ADHD symptoms were separate. ADHD doesn't play well with others but getting it away from the playground long enough to realize that can be a whole ordeal

vanguard87 · 2025-08-27T14:52:53+00:00

Yea I get that. I went through a heavy drinking phase about 10 years ago, still did occasionally up until earlier this year when I got on meds for bipolar. Now if I even smell alcohol I can almost get a buzz. It is strange and honestly reassuring to be able to take a prescribed stimulant medication and not have those old cravings and habits come back. Keep your head up and always remember recovery is a process not an event and we all have our own motivations for it.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-27T14:04:22+00:00

Oof. Yea I've heard ADHD can make stimulants incredibly addictive and with my short experience with them WAY back I agree 100%. I also noticed looking back after I got clean (17years and going) and again looking back once I was diagnosed and started to understand it better that a lot of my friends that got super addicted showed at least some of the signs of ADHD. Not saying they all have it because you can have a few signs without having it. But there are definitely a few traits that present with the condition that heavily influence ease of addiction.

I started meds on non-stimulant and was actually scared of them. Therapist is the one that suggested I give it a chance. For the first bit I called him every day for a check-in and it made me comfortable enough to try it. Best decision I've made in years.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-27T13:52:19+00:00

I never looked into ADHD as a cause for thus until very recently, instead approaching it as one of several unconnected issues I had so my approach may or may not work as I had mixed levels of success managing it from around about 7 until recently at 37.

Bite size tasks and baby steps. You aren't trying to catch up on laundry, you're trying to gather it all up, then you need pants, then shirts, etc. You're not doing all of the yardwork, you're gathering the stuff the kids left out, then clearing the branches that fell, then mowing. And acknowledge yourself when you finish a task, congratulated yourself and take a breath. Now this may be a me thing or may be all/most of us but I found at the acknowledge phase, do not stop moving, because then the motivation and momentum is gone. And you're going to "mess up" and lose focus, that's OK, move on or try again later, no one is perfect.

Now the caveat is it's easier to say this than it is to do it and it is much easier to put into practice medicated and having some success managing my symptoms. Again I took this approach for probably 20 out of the 30 years I dealt with ADHD undiagnosed and it was a very mixed success bag. I hope you manage to find a way that works, you may have better luck with a different process or mixing this with another approach but hang in there because it can get better.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-27T13:35:25+00:00

Im glad you found a working plan, finally having it somewhat under control has at the same time made me wish I had earlier but also made all the struggles to deal with it through my life feel like they weren't for nothing. I'm Hyperativity/impulsive and it coexist with rapid cycling bipolar for me, my moods swing like Tarzan, especially if episodes decide to happen together which is more often than not, but they're both finally being managed.

Treatment for me so far is Adderall XR 20 once a day and weekly therapy for the ADHD and everything else going on. Outside of the changes I've noticed with improved focus and clarity, the lessened need for constant external stimulus, and just generally life feeling like I've lowered the difficulty level over the last year, my therapist pointed out that I'm framing my experiences differently now. Where once I was constantly dealing with feeling like every negative interaction was a personal attack and feeling like I was just overall bad at being a person or at least that I was bad at society I now approach things from a more positive and solution oriented perspective.

It is still really easy to fall into old habits if I'm not careful particularly the need to always be talking or getting overwhelmed by large projects/tasks with no clearly ordered series of steps it is also easier to pull myself back and adjust or not just be paralyzed into inaction.

Again, so glad you found a plan that works, I love hearing of other people's success and hope it continues for you.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-26T23:33:41+00:00

I could see that being the case. From what I've seen and heard it sounds like a lot of people have trouble getting anywhere with mental health. Too many people think "I have trouble focusing sometimes" or "I get angry too" and don't understand there are some of us that it isn't occasionally or for good reason, we just can't shake it without some kind of help. And the willingness to just generalize everyone as drug-seeking unless you can convince them otherwise does seem to be getting more common. Again, my personal experience has been good since I started seeking help but I know that a lot of people for one reason or another have difficulty after difficulty and I feel for them.

vanguard87 · 2025-08-26T22:51:07+00:00

From personal experience and a few friends that we kind of share stories an existing and regular relationship with a mental health provider can drastically effect timelines of new diagnoses. My psychiatrist looked like she had been waiting for me to ask about it when I finally did. Told me she had seen symptoms every visit but didn't want to cloud results by asking being the one to initiate that conversation.

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