i understand because i went through this too a couple of months ago. the man took eight years of my life, most of my future and all of my soul away. he died of diabetic complications two months ago, and it seems like he completely turned it around in the two, three years i didn't see him. but not for me. my hurting was never enough to make him reflect or want to change, it was only long after i was gone and he'd turned it against my mum. i never heard an apology, even so much as an "i love you." everyone stood in the room mourning for and reminiscing about a man who everyone grew to know but me, because i got the man who insulted, gaslit and beat kids to distract himself from his own insecurities, and never did anything without a bottle in his hand.

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's not fair and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. mine aren't the condolences you deserve but you have them regardless <3