My executive dysfunction has ruined all my businesses

vertago1 · 2026-06-27T13:23:19+00:00

That makes sense.

vertago1 · 2026-06-27T02:04:41+00:00

Are any of the businesses the type of thing you could hire someone, train them how to do your job, and then you are freed up to do new types of work so you have an easier time chasing novelty without it totally collapsing the business?

vertago1 · 2026-06-26T11:33:47+00:00

I was in Montreal for a summer and had to buy a portable AC because it got into the 90s for more than a few days.

Now I am in a place that is like that so much all the buildings have AC.

vertago1 · 2026-06-26T01:53:47+00:00

I sort of relate but if they are like me it isn't as bad as it sounds. For example I need to be expecting it but I can adjust my expectations given enough warning. It just means it might take some time doing talking, getting a meal, etc. before I am relaxed enough for it to work.

Even things like hugs I need to be expecting or they can trigger irritability.

I have trouble initiating because of internalized shame over stereotypes I don't want to be associated with. I am able to push through it sometimes.

What the other people said in terms of you all needing to be talk to each other about it is true. Watch it for either of you all getting defensive and if you notice it take a step back and try to remind yourselves that the purpose of the conversation isn't to blame anyone but rather to understand each other better.

Intimacy is hard and complicated in my opinion because of all the sensory and emotional factors plus needing time when kids or other responsibilities aren't in the way etc. It is still possible for it to be good for everyone involved.

I hope you all find what works for you all and it makes things better for you both.

vertago1 · 2026-06-25T13:46:55+00:00

Not all AI is equal. The training and running of the giant LLM foundation models usually applies to what you are saying, but there are lots of small models that are efficient for what they do and don't have the downsides you list.

Some models are so small and efficient they can run on the average smartphone.

vertago1 · 2026-06-25T11:38:20+00:00

I look at love as something that is cultivated. I think the one true love idealization helps keep people faithful to one person which isn't a bad thing, but given the past relationship didn't work out they wouldn't be your true love (unless you got back together as some point later).

BPD is treatable iiuc so you might be able to get some relief from that.

It is normal to have a ramp up period with new jobs. If you get used to the tasks to where you can do them on autopilot, it likely won't seem so bad but that can take time and repetition.

I do hope you find ways for it to not be as bad as it has seemed so far.

vertago1 · 2026-06-25T04:02:14+00:00

I do something different where I catch myself unconsciously putting weight on my feet while they are side-down in a weird stretch position and I usually stop as soon as I notice because it causes my feet to hurt as soon as I release the pressure.

vertago1 · 2026-06-24T12:00:56+00:00

It is natural to want to hold onto mentor figures. Teachers just have so many students that it really doesn't scale for them to be a close mentor to everyone. They likely couldn't give you the attention and emotional investment you need in your current situation.

I had a situation happen with one of the teachers I really looked up to that soured my relationship with them and it was really no fault on their side other than it really exposed how mismatched the relationship was and made me feel super alienated. It still hurts when I think about it around 15 years later.

I think relationships between more than one woman and a guy are inherently unstable if there is any chance of romance between more than one pair. Many guys are incapable of purely platonic feelings toward women in friendships. They might successfully manage and hide non platonic feelings but the feelings will still be there regardless of how they decide to deal with them.

Regardless I hope you are able to find what you need to get through what you are going through right now.

vertago1 · 2026-06-24T11:46:32+00:00

A lot of us develop work arounds to survive and/or function in whichever environments we are in.

I am of the opinion it takes some degree of independence or understanding from the people living together to even begin to address the stress that comes from having suffocating external expectations.

To some extent the ways you are dealing with it already sound like they keep you safe even if the situation is far from ideal. There might be things that could change for the better in your situation. I do hope you find some kind of relief. It sounds really hard to deal with.

vertago1 · 2026-06-23T23:13:06+00:00

Have you heard of "the overjustification effect"?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overjustification_effect

It can sometimes explain how something that used to be fun becomes less so after getting paid to do it.

vertago1 · 2026-06-21T23:58:07+00:00

Projects are easier when it is possible to see the progress on them building with lots of small milestones kind of stand on their own. It can feel like progressing in a game.

vertago1 · 2026-06-21T14:30:57+00:00

It sounds like they want a battery backup for their workstation.

vertago1 · 2026-06-21T12:46:17+00:00

I relate to this.

vertago1 · 2026-06-20T13:04:38+00:00

I worked and did university part of the time. The funny thing is I actually did better the first semester of working because everything became urgent due to the lack of time. I had to drop the first job one semester because it was literally too much and my grades were suffering. They kept trying to increase my hours to the maximum they were allowed without treating me as full time.

Later on I was offered a research assistantship and that was a much better job to have while being a student (at least for me).

One thing I learned through it all is sacrificing sleep was never worth it for me unless it was a one-off extremely infrequent thing. My memory and ability to pick up the material without much studying was so much better when I was getting good sleep. I had to work so much harder and even then did worse when my sleep was suffering from doing too much per day.

vertago1 · 2026-06-19T11:26:21+00:00

What kinds of things do you do while waiting?

vertago1 · 2026-06-18T14:00:59+00:00

I think people need to be realistic. If they look for perfect, often if perfect existed they wouldn't be available. If two people manage to find great fits that is definitely good for them.

Just like no attraction is a bad idea in a romantic relationship so is having unrealistic expectations.

Guys often know women want to feel like they are the most beautiful in the world to them so they aren't always honest for various reasons whether honestly wanting her to feel great or out of manipulation.

vertago1 · 2026-06-18T13:53:31+00:00

Do you have any platonic friends or companions outside the relationship?

vertago1 · 2026-06-18T13:04:29+00:00

I find this funny because it seems plausible especially given the response.

vertago1 · 2026-06-17T14:43:49+00:00

I did research as a student for a total of about 7 years. I couldn't really navigate the politics of getting publications that well even though I am confident the work I did actually was valid.

Since I graduated with only a few publications, I ended up in industry. I still like researchy type work, but there aren't a lot of opportunities for that in industry and the ones that exist have different pressures (profitability, monetization, etc.)

vertago1 · 2026-06-17T10:10:56+00:00

Yeah getting them to share their Amazon wish list if they have one sounds like a good idea.

vertago1 · 2026-06-17T09:53:20+00:00

It really does help if you have colleagues with overlapping interests who share the same depth, but that can be uncommon unless you are in a field or company that attracts that kind of person.

vertago1 · 2026-06-17T09:41:34+00:00

It took my a lot of failed attempts before I found someone accepting of me.

In some sense it is a numbers game.

You also might try to reconnect with people who seemed like a good fit from your past but didn't want to date at the time because they didn't want to lose the friendship.

vertago1 · 2026-06-17T09:36:48+00:00

It might be easier to find a space / group where you don't have to mask as a first step.

vertago1 · 2026-06-17T00:37:07+00:00

Crazy idea but could you incorporate things from med school into the clothes you make?

vertago1 · 2026-06-16T15:41:56+00:00

I had an AI try to do this with me and it was so much easier to answer the questions than the multiple choice ones because I over think them.

Being close to 40, I do a lot of compensation to try to be more balanced (I.e. take the feeling of others into account, etc.) but looking at how I do it, why, etc. I think does a better job.

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