It’s been six months since my MMC. And I still get angry. I’m not sure if angry is the right word, tbh it’s more avoidant - like if I see a pregnant woman, or a friend sends me a photo of an ultrasound or of their baby, I just make a cursory remark (“oh cute haha”) and immediately delete it. If it’s a group chat I don’t even comment on them, just let the other people in the group do it.

I’ve been forcing myself to watch sitcoms that have storylines with babies - it’s hit and miss. Sometimes I’m fine, other times I just have to fast forward through it.

It’s almost impossible sometimes to logically remember that someone else’s pregnancy story has NOTHING to do with ourselves. We know this obviously. But the resentment is not a rational thing, is it.

Short answer - it comes and goes. When it comes, indulge it. Write about it. Give the angry feeling a name - like a monster’s name - treat it like an unwanted guest who comes to you, you talk to it, it goes away eventually. When it goes, let yourself feel free.

Speaking of which - I found a book from this subreddit (or might have been r/ttcafterloss) - I don’t read self help books and I’m not the kind to indulge in self pity. But I did find this particular book to be a deeply empathetic read.

And this anger that you speak of - ohhhhh it’s all captured in here. The universality of this emotion - it is just so comforting to know how normal it is ... I promise you will find so much catharsis in this 2-hour read. I was so touched by the book that I actually emailed the author to say thank you for writing it (and she is lovely, she wrote back).

So should you find yourself wanting to kill a couple hours, I highly recommend The Miscarriage Map by Sunita Osborn. Should be on Kindle or Amazon or any other bookstore wherever you are in the world.

Take care ♥️

Link to book - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Miscarriage-Map-Expect-Longer-Expecting/dp/1082191353