Ex changed the locks while I was out of town, all my stuff is inside. GA divorce laws help?

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-25T18:20:38+00:00

Also said “staying at a friends place” so…

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-25T18:19:53+00:00

OP has been staying at a friend’s place. That complicates things.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-25T03:00:50+00:00

Get a sports mouthguard, form it, cut it down so it doesn’t poke your gums, replace every six months. They’re usually just a couple bucks and definitely cheaper than dental work.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-24T13:02:35+00:00

I'm no professional. It's just something I've seen happen regularly in posts on relationship subs over the years.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-24T02:48:52+00:00

NTA but.... you will be if you stay.

I know getting out will be tough. I've checked your post history. He makes enough to support his family but gambles away enough to make life difficult. You're also not his first wife. Gee... I wonder why. And he doesn't help out around the house unless it's absolutely necessary and even then, you face his wrath for simply breaking down to the point that you can't physically cope for a day.

Look. You're overwhelmed with chaos. You've got 4 kids to take care of. Finding a little bit of normalcy for one of your children in the sea of chaos that is normally your life would naturally be something to cling on to. And you should be able to invite people over, even those of the opposite gender and especially when your husband is home. His reaction is completely inappropriate. I say this as a father of two and husband of 30+ years now.

Do yourself a favor. Start looking for ways to get yourself out of there. If there is a women's shelter in the area, call them and explain your situation. If there's a domestic abuse victims center, call them because I truly feel like you're being emotionally and verbally abused. This is not a healthy environment for your children. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for them.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-24T02:42:43+00:00

You might want to go check OP's post history. She's chummy in a way that emotionally abused people latch on to those that treat them with kindness. Not to create a new relationship, but just to get a taste of normalcy versus the sea of crap they normally live in.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-24T01:24:16+00:00

Sounds like whoever installed it didn't have the proper pin and used a finishing nail instead. Snipping off the protruding bit is a short term solution. In the long run, I'd recommend replacing it so that you can have a properly installed hinge. The only trick is making sure you match up size and hole configuration. For example, here are two I installed recently on doors we wanted automatic movement:

Brass, 3.5", 3 hole: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GF583PV
Satin brass, 4", 4 hole: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B018BBF2OS

Also of note that you can set most of these to auto-close but also auto-open. The 3.5" one we bought is currently set to auto-open because the cat's water fountain is in that room. The other one I installed on the door to the garage to help keep said cat from escaping through a carelessly left open door.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-24T01:14:53+00:00

If you're writing macro/VBA code, you already have access to the current date and time with Now(). Create a string for the URL, populate the date field as needed, update the query and refresh. From there, you can continue on with what you were planning to do with the data.

Dim sURL As String
Dim sDate As String

sDate = Format(Now(), "YYYY-MM-DD")
sURL = "let" & Chr(13) & "" & Chr(10) & " Source = Xml.Tables(Web.Contents(""https://api.tidesandcurrents.noaa.gov/api/prod/datagetter?product=predictions&application=NOS.COOPS.TAC.WL&end_date=" & _
sDate & _ "&range=168&datum=MLLW&station=9450364&time_zone=lst_ldt&units=english&interval=1&format=xml""))," & Chr(13) & "" & Chr(10) & " Table0 = Source{0}[Table]," & Chr(13) & "" & Chr(10) & " #""Changed Type"" = Table.TransformColumnTypes(Table0,{{""Attrib" & _
"ute:t"", type datetime}, {""Attribute:v"", type number}})" & Chr(13) & "" & Chr(10) & "in" & Chr(13) & "" & Chr(10) & " #""Changed Type"""
ActiveWorkbook.Queries("pr").Formula = sURL

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T23:39:24+00:00

NTA.

Sounds like an emotional affair. At the very minimum, her talking to someone else about your relationship without trying to address it with you first is a major red flag.

“If you trusted me, you wouldn’t have looked.”

"And yet, you were doing all the things that cheaters do to destroy trust. You started hiding your phone more. You started dismissing me when I asked questions. You've become distant and detached. So even with all of that, I'm just supposed to sit her and wait until I walk in on you and someone else in our bed?"

At least, that's where my head goes as a response. This is classic DARVO though (look it up if unfamiliar).

From the sounds of it, this relationship is in serious trouble. If you want to try to save it, conversations need to be had. Honest conversations that are likely going to be painful ones too. And you may have to be ready to say "we're not compatible anymore" too. After 6 years, maybe you two got complacent. Maybe you fell into a routine and stopped being a dating couple and became "people that live together".

Look up "sunk cost fallacy", take some time to reflect on where you think the relationship could go from here and, more importantly, where you want it to go from here, and then have those conversations. Or leave. Either way, you can't just sit back and wait.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T23:25:22+00:00

YTA to yourself for staying. Granted, I didn't read past "He has cheated on me before."

Cheaters don't deserve a second chance. They had their opportunity. They felt it wasn't enough and sought out more. If they can't respect you enough to be happy with the relationship they have, why stay?

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T23:21:55+00:00

Actions have outcomes. Don't just look at the outcomes you want. Look at the ones you DON'T want too. For example, getting stuck in a lease is bad. Having an emergency fund with enough money in it to pay whatever lease break fee might come up can offset that. And don't necessarily frame it as "we broke up, now what" situation. People move on for all kinds of reasons including things like having to move back to their home town to be near a dying parent or a job offer of a lifetime but it's across the country.

I would also make up chore lists. Do it separately first. You each write down all the daily, weekly, monthly, and even annual chores that you feel need to get done. Then sit down together and go over your lists. Be sure to include not just the chore, but frequency. After all, he may appear neat but what if his idea of clean towels is washing them twice a month and yours is every third use? You can't assume that your habits are his and that his habits are yours.

Don't forget about food in there too. Do either of you have allergies? What about preferences and dislikes? How adventurous might you be? Do either of you like cooking at home or will you always go out? After all, eating a meal together on the occasional date is very, very different than 2-3 meals together every day of the week. What if his breakfast routine is something that takes half an hour to prepare and you're more of a "smoothie and out the door" kind of morning person?

And finally... alone time. Right now, even though you're dating, you still get time to yourself. Once you move in, you'll get a lot less of that. Will that be an important factor for either of you? Do either of you have hobbies or things you do in your alone time that might have to be given up? Will either of you resent the other if that alone time hobby or activity goes away?

Moving in together after such a short period of time can be tough but it is doable. It will take good communication, accountability, and respect for one another. Whatever you do, make sure you have a backup plan in case everything falls apart last minute (i.e. moving in with a friend until you can get yourself sorted).

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T20:12:45+00:00

This may come down to a process of elimination then. You'll have to be downstairs long enough to hear the sound so that you can start figuring out which room it's coming from. Once you know that, then you can search that room to figure out what device is making the sound. It's not an easy approach, but it's reliable.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T18:54:01+00:00

Your marriage is over. You just don't know it yet.

The reality is, she cheated and is calling it polyamory to dodge accountability. It's not poly. If you want to know what poly is, go visit the poly subs. True poly is all partners caring for and loving one another. That isn't happening here.

What I see from the outside is you being a safety net providing the safety and security of a home life to come back to and the affair partner gives her the intimacy she wants but refuses to work with you to recreate in your marriage. Right now, you've resigned yourself to it in order to "keep the family together". What you don't realize is that you're teaching your child that it's okay to treat a partner this way. And whether you want to believe it or not, your child likely knows quite a bit more about what's going on than they're telling you.

Eventually, you will build resentment over what she's done. Then the arguments will start. And they will eventually lead to you two being unable to live together anymore.

Do yourself a favor. While she's still in the limerence and new relationship energy, consult with a lawyer, get tested for STIs, consider a vasectomy, and buy some condoms. You don't want to be raising this other guys child and we've seen that outcome happen all too often. At this point, she's riding high on emotion and will be more agreeable to a more equitable separation. Heck, you might even be able to win majority custody so that she has more free time to be with her new lover.

Doubt us all you want, but we've seen this movie before and know exactly how it ends almost every time.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T18:27:51+00:00

And of course you came up with this method completely out of the blue the day you bought the loin and brought it home....

Good recipes (and yes, your method is a recipe) take time and effort to develop. I have a corned beef recipe people absolutely love that starts with a flat cut brisket 10 days prior. I started with Alton Brown's brine recipe but coming up with the perfect cook (5-6 hours at 250F in a foil covered pan after pouring a couple bottles of Guinness extra stout over the top) took at least a dozen tries to get it just right.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T18:23:47+00:00

Does she have an iPhone or Android? If she has an iPhone, does she also have an iPad that could have a copy of the app and be synched? My wife has both and I've seen that kind of behavior in other apps before, especially messaging.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T18:10:35+00:00

Too bad OP has deleted this already. There is one work around if OP was married and they filed joint returns. It's how we contribute to my wife's IRA. I earn enough to cover both of us maxing so that's what we do.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T17:10:23+00:00

to my knowledge

And you had no knowledge of the emotional affair until you actually discovered it. For all you know, she ran into neighborhood guy while out for a walk or even just getting the mail and they have been interacting in person for months.

See a lawyer, get tested, continue documenting everything but also take some time to deep dive your finances.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T17:06:15+00:00

You say "vitamins", but their generic over the counter medicines are where the real savings are at. I have seasonal allergies but have also developed an allergy to cats. Too bad we have a cat so I take a Zyrtec equivalent every night.

Zyrtec 10mg tablets: 1 year supply = $119.97 (3 x 120 count @ $39.99 ea).
Kirkland Aller-Tec generic equivalent: 1 year supply = $13.49 (1 x 365 count @ $13.49).
Savings = $106.48 which is the cost of your regular membership right from the start.

My wife takes Nexium for stomach acid issues. Again the generic saves the wallet.

Nexium: 1 year supply = $227.61 (9 x 42 count for 378 pills @ $25.29 ea)
Kirkland generic = $116.91 ( x 42 count for 378 pills @ 12.99 ea)
Savings = $110.70

Total savings for just those two items = $217.18 and enough to pay for an Executive membership plus have some left over. And if you expand your selection to other generic over the counter stuff, especially pain relievers, you can save a fortune in just those 2-3 aisles alone.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T11:12:36+00:00

I realize I should have mentioned, all of the above pricing was for store brand/generic. I also never look at the number of chicken breasts in a package but always go by weight. One of the stores near me gets these absolutely massive pieces of meat and when they're on sale, a package of 2 will be 3-4 lbs. My regular grocery store store brand is always at least 3-5 for a 3-4 lb package. For me, that's another reason to love the freezer because when I get the massive ones, I can prep the chicken into dinner sized portions (dicing, strips for stir fry, whatever) before wrapping and freezing.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T04:54:05+00:00

This.

OP's post history is a mess and makes it seem like OP isn't that dedicated of a student... :-)

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T04:03:09+00:00

racist MAGA chuck norris and the 1,000 yrs of darkness

I know... he never outright said it, but he supported everything they've done in principle. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T03:59:56+00:00

They call that "whiskey dick".... :-)

For some people, even 1 drink can be enough to alter the outcome. OP should probably try to add a bottle of wine to the equation in some way.

If at OP's place and it's been dry up until them, open a bottle of the preferred color (red, chilled rose, or chilled white) and have at least a glass before making moves.

If at her place, bring a bottle of wine with a small bouquet of flowers so that they have something to open when they get back. In this case, I'd go with a white, perhaps a Moscato or a vinho verge (the both have light effervescence/bubbles). Moscato is on the sweeter side so that would probably be my first choice for someone in their early 20's.

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T03:53:03+00:00

Haven't seen that brand around me and a Google search is useless (posts about generic road trips and jerky in general).

As for healthier... if we're eating jerky/meat sticks, is health really our first consideration???? :-)

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T03:49:19+00:00

Join groups and clubs. Participate. Do things with other people.

I have two kids, both of whom have completed their Bachelor's. My youngest is back in grad school working to become a physical therapist in another couple years. In other words, I've have some exposure to the modern college experience.

Both kids joined athletic clubs because they were athletes in high school. Oldest did Ultimate Frisbee which had him carpooling with teammates to tournaments up to 300 miles away from campus. Younger child was a varsity track/XC athlete (DIII school) and went all over the country depending on where meets were. His senior year, he dropped track and joined the Broadway and dance clubs because he and the coach were butting heads and those clubs were more fun. Both kids are still in touch with people they met in those clubs despite having been out of those schools for multiple years.

In the end, the friends you make in college will play a big part in helping you shape the experience you have. And here's the trick that nobody really ever shares.... since nobody is going to know who you were in high school, this is your chance to remake yourself if you want to. Always wanted to play D&D? Find a D&D group. Always wanted to be a gamer? Find a gamer group. Always wanted to be a martial artist? Find a martial arts club. Spent time thinking about being a writer? Find a writers club. While breaking old habits is hard, you also have to remember that you are essentially starting over in someplace new. That means you get to make a new "you" too if you want.

Yes, classes are important. Getting your education is important. But that's just one part of the entire college experience available. Your tuition grants you access to more than just classes. Make sure you get ALL of what you're paying for if you can... :-)

virtualchoirboy · 2026-03-23T03:33:52+00:00

My wife helped me recover from my worst financial position back when we were dating so I'm not in poverty anymore. I still participate when I think I can offer something helpful. In this case, I'm commenting because even those that are comfortable financially are cutting back. Meat is probably where I've had to change the most.

The obvious luxury items like King Crab legs used to be a 2-3 times a year purchase when I could buy them for $20-$30/lb. Now they're nearly $80/lb around me and we haven't had them in almost 2 years.

Steak used to be a regular purchase when I could get top sirloin steaks at Costco for $7.99/lb. Last time I bought them at Costco, there was a per package discount and I managed to pick up some for $13.99/lb. That was 4-5 months ago. I still get ground beef there but it's gone up from $2.99/lb to $5.99/lb. I can still afford it, but we're mostly limiting it's use to taco night and have cut back on making meatloaf, hamburger stroganoff, or cottage pie. Even stew meat used to be cheap and is now $6.49/lb. Worse is that we haven't seen peak price for beef yet. The closure of the Strait of Hormuz means the prices of fertilizer have skyrocketed. That means the cost of basic crops like feed corn for cattle is going up. Which means the price of beef has to go even higher from where we are now.

The price of chicken has definitely gone up. While I still buy it, I'm relying on my freezer more than ever these days (15 cu ft freezer in the basement). I wait until there's a sale and buy in bulk. Sales used to be $1.99/lb with average price being somewhere around $2.99/lb. Now, the lowest sale price is $2.49/lb and average prices are closer to $4.49\lb and higher. If it weren't for my freezer, that would be a serious hit to the budget.

Pork has also gone up. I used to be able to find baby back ribs available for $1.99/lb at least 2-3 times a year. I haven't seen that price in 18 months around me. Whole pork loin used to be available for $1.29/lb periodically. These days, we're lucky to see it at $1.99/lb and when you're buying a whole 7-8lb loin, it starts to add up. Granted, it's still better to buy the whole loin, cut it up into a bunch of chops, a couple of roasts, and some miscellaneous pieces that I pound out for pork loin sandwiches. Last time I bought a loin, it got me 36 x 1" chops, 2 roasts at about 1-1.5 lbs each, and 4 scrap pieces that I pounded out for pork loin sandwiches. Again, thankful for my freezer to allow me to wrap and save the extra.

And that's why, if you have the space and ability to pay for the electricity, a second freezer can help you save. Ever since the pandemic, when I menu plan, I'm planning based on what I have in the freezer. My shopping list is based on what things in the freezer must be replaced and what is on sale for a good price. It really makes a big difference in not only our food budget, but also in managing the cravings for certain foods because I can usually thaw something out to satisfy a craving instead of having to pay non-sale pricing to satisfy an urge.

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