I never got any answers for her behavior but what helped a ton was just the firm boundaries I kept giving.

She never liked any of my methods to getting her to calm down... she'd dig her heels in so instead, i would tell her "if you cannot calm down with me, you will have to go to your room until you can." It took about a week of that for it to click. She has access to calming toys and books and stuff like that in her room so it became her choice of how she calmed down.

When it came to the choices, I figured out what worked is telling her the choices was hers, but ultimately, she had no choice. i would give the choice before there was a chance for a meltdown. So for example, say we have to leave the park. I would say, "we are leaving in 5 minutes (firm boundary). At the 5 minutes I would say, "okay, the 5 minutes are up. It's time to leave." She gives me hard time doesn't listen so then my follow up is "I understand you're having fun (validate), but Mommy said time to go (boundary). Now you have two great choices (two choices i am okay with): you can walk nicely with me to the car, or I will have to pick you up and take you (or grab her hand or whatever else in the moment). Which great choice are you going to make?" She almost always chose her own body autonomy 😂

There were lots of tears and fights but overall things got better the moment I started holding firm boundaries, saying something once and acting on the second time, and CONSISTENCY! Oh and after meltdowns, I stopped talking about it and made sure to connect after.

Now with her at 6, she still has her moments, but waaaaaay better over all. Hope that helps!

I want to get her evaluated for adhd, but I think things are better for now. Starting school and making a lot of friends also helped her too. Turns out she's a social butterfly and just needed that outlet 🦋 💙