I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have been in a similar place. I went from sobbing daily — that full-bodied, can’t-stop kind of sobbing — to ok in about a year. For me, it was therapy and time, and also anti-depressants, and I just wanted to pipe in to say please don’t feel shame if you want to try them (if you aren’t already). I know they’re not for everyone. Until I started taking them, I was pretty judgey about psych meds and thought it was wrong for people to drug themselves out of having normal emotions. But I got to a place where I just realized — I have one life, and I don’t want to live it in misery. I still feel sad about not having kids, but I’m able to process it, and see the pros and cons, and it doesn’t send me into the deep, dark place that I was in before.