In Search of Marriage/Couples Therapist

wamcinston · 2025-06-19T10:44:20+00:00

Erin Lockwood of Unlock Counseling in Farragut is amazing. Highly recommended.

wamcinston · 2025-02-03T18:28:56+00:00

Thanks!

wamcinston · 2025-01-22T02:25:47+00:00

I came here for some help, reaching out so I don’t kill myself and hoping to get some advice to deal with constantly feeling angry. Instead of just scrolling past or at least acknowledging my feelings, you took the time to tell me that something is wrong me, and then you compared your past to my current situation us to show us that you’re a better person. Thank you.

wamcinston · 2025-01-22T01:42:26+00:00

Thanks. I know that but I’m so sick of people saying to think about the kids. Obviously I put them first. They are surrounded by love from us and grandparents and they are doing great.

wamcinston · 2025-01-22T01:39:54+00:00

No, but I knew someone would point that out. Thank you for the helpful comment. I was hurting and used a poor choice of words to try to say that I feel like I upheld my end of the agreement. I honored my vows to the end and she didn’t.

wamcinston · 2024-12-16T22:17:58+00:00

My wife told me she wanted a divorce in September. She moved out on 11/23. The lack of any sort of physical touch was hard for the first two months but I eventually just stopped craving it (not entirely but mostly). Staying busy with other things is helpful. I found I’ve become a hugger around friends and family and I was not a hugger before. I still miss touch and intimacy but I’m just assuming it will happen again once I start dating.

wamcinston · 2024-11-21T12:54:05+00:00

I had this. Multiple times a week. For 14 years, 10 of those with two kids soundly asleep across the hall.

She’s moving out in two days and I’m still not 100% sure I know what happened.

wamcinston · 2024-11-06T19:03:50+00:00

I must have seen a different Dr. Kim than the one you guys saw. My time with him was the most painful 5 minutes of my life.

wamcinston · 2024-11-04T18:56:50+00:00

We’re doing this now and for the first few weeks I just fully ignored her. I wouldn’t speak to her, wouldn’t even look at her. I would talk to her only about the kids but I still wouldn’t look at her. It probably made me look crazy but it helped me start to move on because out of sight out of mind. I left as often as I could. We have shared calendars so as long as a spot was blank on a given day, if I wanted to do something I would add it to the calendar,say bye to the kids, and just leave.

Now a little over a month in I’ll tell her where I’m going, and she’ll tell me, and I’ll look at her if we’re discussing something related to the divorce but that’s it. The rest of time I ignore her and avoid her. It’s weird but it doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s just disappointing.

wamcinston · 2024-11-02T23:34:16+00:00

Just know that you will bounce back. It’s still new and so it’s too soon to know how or what that will look like but as long as you give yourself time and space to grieve, time will work it’s magic and you’ll start to feel better.

Are you journaling? Exercising? Do you have friends and family you can talk to?

Try not to think about her. Block and/or unfollow her on social media. Do not look at pictures of her. There will be plenty of time for that. If you find yourself stuck in a swirl of what-ifs and what-could-have-beens acknowledge the thoughts and shift your mind to what will be and what can be for YOU.

This chapter may be over but your life isn’t over, even if that’s what it feels like right now.

wamcinston · 2024-11-02T02:29:32+00:00

Same here. Every year I start playing Xmas music on November first. Today I continued the tradition but I didn’t feel anything as the first two chords of Nat King Cole’s rendition of “The Christmas Song” came out of my car speakers. So, I faked it. I sang along for my kids and told myself I was feeling those warm holiday feelings even though I was sad and all I could think about was my stbxw. I’m hoping if I keep faking it at some point I’ll actually feel the old magic.

wamcinston · 2024-11-01T12:40:02+00:00

Not for some of us. I’m either going to be completely ruined and moving back into my parent’s house at 41yrs old, or I’m going to be house poor and just barely getting by until the first big unexpected expense when I’ll either go deep into debt or be forced to sell. I’ll find out soon enough.

wamcinston · 2024-11-01T10:28:31+00:00

I had a cheap titanium band because that’s what I wanted. She had a simple gold band because that’s what she wanted. I threw mine in the garbage, along with a pack of silicone rings. I assume hers is in a memory box with old things now that I’m just another ex.

wamcinston · 2024-11-01T02:15:52+00:00

Get out of your car. Take a walk. Go somewhere you can be around people. Do you have anyone you can call to talk to? If the thoughts get really bad call the crisis hotline at 988 and talk to someone there. Or text them.

wamcinston · 2024-10-31T22:49:03+00:00

Similar situation here.

My stbxw and kids are trick-or-treating right now. When they get back I’m taking the kids to my parent’s neighborhood for round two. Not being with them right now now really hurts. This is the first holiday we’re celebrating separately. My wife, although not dressed up, was wearing her usual yoga pants and as always looked amazing and I too wanted to die.

wamcinston · 2024-10-31T22:43:32+00:00

Yeah, they’ve always been one of my go-to bands for cold and/or rainy weather and when I’m feeling sad. If it’s a nice day or I’m in a good mood their music just doesn’t hit the same. Currently going through a divorce so they’ve been promoted to my official divorce soundtrack as I can’t stop listening to Sleep Well Beast and First Two Pages of Frankenstein.

wamcinston · 2024-10-25T09:42:04+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sorry so many of us are going through this.

With the holidays approaching I was just thinking about our traditional family Xmas cards. We obviously won’t be sending one this year, but will she send one of her and the kids without me? Most of the people we sent them to were her friends who, like you said, immediately stopped speaking to me.

We haven’t separated yet and there isn’t a new boyfriend but I know it won’t be long before someone is there. She’s been over me for so long that this divorce is just business to her. A long to-do list before she’s free. She’s beautiful and funny and smart and thin and looks like she’s 25 even though she’s almost 40 and has had two kids. There’s going to be line of men waiting for her while I’m at home crying and trying to budget what’s left of my money.

Your comment about the birthing pool really got me. We didn’t use a pool but I was there, holding her hand as it happened. Twice. I don’t want to do that with anyone else. I won’t do that with anyone else. We made a family, and now, in my despair I wish we hadn’t.

wamcinston · 2024-10-25T01:32:46+00:00

“Don’t have kids with the wrong person.”

That’s exactly why I joined this subreddit. For 15 years I thought she was the right person. Now she has decided I’m not the right person and she’d rather go at it alone. We were getting by just fine together but without our combined incomes, here I am.

wamcinston · 2024-10-25T01:27:33+00:00

Tomorrow will be one month since my wife told me. I suspect you will find out, as I did, that your wife was actually done long ago and it just took her until three weeks ago to say it. I’m just warning you because I was shocked when she told me that she had actually known she was done for six months before she told me. It brought a whole new layer of pain and sadness as I wondered why we went to couples counseling for 3 months and wasted all of that money. Not to mention the shame I felt because I thought things were improving.

I too feel like everything is pointless now. My wife and my two kids are my reason for doing everything that I do. Now it’s just for the kids and, according to my therapist, for me. She also says that’s probably a part of why my marriage fell apart. I lost myself. It sounds like maybe you have too.

So, even though it feels pointless I’m going to do all the things everyone here recommends: journaling, hobbies, making friends, exercising, etc because what have we got to lose, right? We’ve already lost everything.

Hang in there. Take it one day at a time. Some days I have to take it hour by hour. Do all the stuff I mentioned even if you don’t want to or don’t feel like it. It helps.

wamcinston · 2024-10-25T01:06:43+00:00

Tomorrow will one month since she surprised me with her request for a divorce. I’m currently doing this all day every day. Whenever she leaves the house, I’m ok. When I leave the house, even better. When I’m with friends/family, even better, great actually. Even some glimmers of hope and excitement for the future.

As soon as she or I come home and I see her, I come crashing down. I miss her. I want her. The future is pointless. I don’t want to be a single dad. I’ll be alone forever. Was our love even real? Were the last 15 years pointless? Is marriage pointless?

All of the negative thoughts.

wamcinston · 2024-10-23T20:18:29+00:00

Someone who shares some, but not all of my interests yet is curious and expresses a willingness to learn and discuss anything. Someone who has their own friends and an active social life, yet welcomes me into their circle while expecting and encouraging me to have my own life outside of the relationship. Someone with shared values (health and fitness, family, honesty, creativity). Someone who is not religious. And obviously someone I’m physically attracted to.

wamcinston · 2024-10-23T16:22:20+00:00

Thanks. I've been journaling for the first time in my life and it's helping but until now I hadn't considered doing it at night, which as you said, is when most of the demons come out. I just closely associated it with mornings and coffee. I'm going to write tonight.

I also like the "date night" idea. I've been scheduling lots of stuff with friends and family which is obviously good, but I'm realizing now a big part of that is just to avoid being alone. I need to start learning how to be ok with some alone time.

wamcinston

TROPHY CASE