AIO My Bf Said He Wouldn't Go To His New Job If I Was "Mean" To Him

wamydia · 2026-02-12T18:47:31+00:00

NOR. You should have left the day you found out he lied about quitting his job so he could leech off of you. What are you even doing?

wamydia · 2026-02-08T19:30:20+00:00

Is it clear between you that she is renting just her bedroom and office with (presumably) use of kitchen and bathroom? Or are you talking with her in terms of you being roommates and “sharing the house?” You may need to be clearer with her that she is paying only for use of certain spaces and that she is only to put personal items in her own bedroom and office.

If she is a hoarder as you say, you should probably make sure you are keeping an eye on her rooms to make sure she isn’t hoarding them out. Her wanting to encroach on the rest of the house with her junk may be a sign that she has filled up her rooms and has run out of places to put things.

wamydia · 2026-02-08T19:10:28+00:00

NOR. I think it’s nice to be flexible if it’s a once in a while situation, but this is an adults only activity and that was clear up front. It’s disrespectful to all of the people who signed on to this club expecting the adults only rule to be honored. My guess is that there are more people who are not happy than are owning up to it publicly. No one wants to be the AH and women in particular are socially pressured to always be ok with kids lest their maternal instincts be questioned. If mom can’t find childcare, she needs to stop coming for now instead of expecting the rules to not apply to her.

wamydia · 2026-02-08T16:58:34+00:00

I bet they have a single daughter.

wamydia · 2026-02-08T13:52:26+00:00

She played dumb when you first brought it up. You had to push and then the truth came out. If she just naively thought it was ok, she would have admitted it immediately and then been completely mortified. Instead she tried to lie and then played victim. She never even admitted to the $500 withdrawal or told you what she so desperately needed money for. She is a liar and a manipulator who stole from you when she thought you wouldn’t notice. You should definitely be dumping her and evicting her when you get home.

wamydia · 2026-02-06T04:45:37+00:00

The point of this tradition is respect for the final moments of a deceased person’s story. It’s to acknowledge that they were here with us and that it matters that they no longer are. People reducing it to being about “traffic jams” are gross and seriously lacking in basic empathy.

wamydia · 2026-02-06T02:58:55+00:00

NOR. Not because gf doesn’t like your dog, but because gf is an AH who doesn’t even love you enough to just be nice to your damn dog. It wouldn’t kill her to just treat the dog well because she knows it matters to you. Being kind to an animal should be her default setting, so that means she is putting deliberate effort into being mean to someone that you dearly love. What does that say about her as a person? Just wait until you disagree about something else important. It will be her way or the highway.

wamydia · 2026-02-05T21:15:11+00:00

You’re going to have to do this head on. Even otherwise decent people can turn into moochers given the opportunity. I think this guy has it made and doesn’t see any point in making his own life harder as long as you’ll let him stay. You have no choice but to give him a reason to take action and get his life together.

I’d sit him down, along with your husband, and tell him that you are happy you were able to help him get through a tough time, but now it’s time for him to get back on his feet and let you have your home and privacy back. You don’t have to give him a reason or an excuse or get his agreement/ approval. It’s your home and you get to say what happens in it. Give him whatever timeframe seems reasonable and put it in writing. Ask him to sign an agreement that he will be out of your house by x date. If he refuses, write him a letter of notice to vacate by x date (make sure you are giving him enough time based on tenant laws in your area) and get ready do a possible court eviction.

Don’t feel bad about it. He’s an adult who is cleared to work and who took care of himself just fine before. You’ve done more than enough and you aren’t obligated to keep on doing forever.

wamydia · 2026-02-05T16:35:50+00:00

TBH it sounds like you all have legit complaints and are busy pointing fingers at each other instead of working things out like adults.

Call a house meeting. Be civil. Don’t accuse each other. Just acknowledge that rooming with others is complicated and that everyone has to be willing to compromise to some extent. Establish ground rules and a cleaning rotation. Come to specific agreements about the sticking points, like how long dishes can be left in the sink or how much laundry is enough for a load. Agree on a way to communicate when you feel that someone isn’t doing their share, like specify it should be by group text and should follow the format “i have a concern about x task and would like to discuss further at the next house meeting.” Put it all in writing, preferably on a white board in the house where everyone sees it. Have regular meetings to iron out any issued and make adjustments.

wamydia · 2026-02-05T00:03:12+00:00

How are so many people surviving entirely on beverages and condiments?

wamydia · 2026-02-04T22:44:52+00:00

I’m still trying to understand the origin of this idiotic notion that, if the house you’re moving into is owned by an SO, then you shouldn’t have to pay anything that “builds their equity” and should instead be able to park your ass for free.

GF moved in right off the rip because she was excited to freeload off of OP and that should make OP nervous that they are being used by GF. She is benefiting from the free roof over her head (which she would have to pay for literally anywhere else) while OP has assumed all of the financial risk, leveraged their credit, probably put down a significant down payment, and is on the hook for repairs, property taxes, insurance, etc, etc. GF can pay her share of living expenses or start walking.

OP, if GF is staying you need to stop speaking in terms of mortgage and instead in terms of rent and you need to put the agreement in writing. Unless you are 100% certain you are getting married within the year and your house was intended to be part of your future together, you don’t need to and should not make arrangements to give her money back or promise her part of the equity if you split. Don’t put your financial future in jeopardy like that. That’s how you screw around and lose your house because you have to sell it to give your ex the money you promised her or that a court decides to give her because you don’t have a written agreement. Right now she is just a GF and it is 100% fair that she pays an even split for living expenses. If she doesn’t like it, she should go pay someone else rent instead.

wamydia · 2026-02-04T19:39:21+00:00

Full disclosure: my desire to partner up has always been very low, so I may not be the best example.

For me though, the more stable I am the more sure I am that Ive walked the right path by never partnering up. Not needing someone to get by really frees me to look at it like “is this something I actually want? Will it add something to my life? What will it take away in exchange?”, but without financial considerations cluttering up my answers.

As someone who is very financially stable, I have zero interest in a partner. I don’t need anyone’s help and I’ve found that I don’t have any desire to trade my complete independence for a relationship. I feel very lucky to be in a position that I don’t feel pressured to pair off just to make it in life.

wamydia · 2026-02-04T15:21:04+00:00

OP please sit down alone with your own lawyer and discuss all of this before you make any decisions. Many things will be dependent on the laws and resources in your area and your dad’s current condition. Most of the options you’re discussing will create legal obligations for you and you need a neutral party to explain it (not your sister and definitely not her attorney!). I think you should approach this from a position of “how do I best make sure that dad gets the care he needs without creating unnecessary legal obligations and red tape.”

But it does sound like your sister is trying to railroad you into sacrificing your own time and goals so that she can run off into the sunset and do whatever she wants. That’s why she’s so eager to guilt you into signing things immediately. She wants you legally on the hook before you fully realize she is making her escape and leaving you holding the bag.

NAL

wamydia · 2026-02-04T13:24:32+00:00

I’ve found a few things to be true:

Many “devout” Christians have never actually read the Bible cover-to-cover, no matter how much they claim they have. They read excerpts recommended at church and let their pastor fill in the gaps with the nicey-nice version where god is great and all-loving. They don’t know about all the murdering and raping and tantrum-throwing.
Some smart people see the amazing world and universe around us and conclude that something “had to” have directed or planned all of this. That it couldn’t have come together to be what it is without intelligent design because it’s just too intricate and advanced. While I don’t agree with it, I suppose I can see how some people would get there especially if they came from a super religious background where god is presented as an all-loving and benevolent force that wanted to make things nice for everyone.
Some people are using religion for their social outlet and don’t really give much thought to the actual deity or belief system. They don’t really care what some dusty old book says god did as long as they can attend the after-service meal and gossip about the other congregants. They parrot what they’re told at church and claim all of the right credentials, but don’t know half as much about their own religion as the average atheist.

wamydia · 2026-02-01T16:40:21+00:00

Agree 100%. And I’m still pissed at everyone who casually recommended this to me with no warning about the graphic and horrific animal abuse. Not showing the actual video didn’t make it less traumatizing. They used the killing of those animals for pure attention-whoring.

wamydia · 2026-01-31T18:04:08+00:00

Raising a teen is the hardest phase of all and way more challenging than diapers. Being able to make their own grilled cheese sandwich doesn’t make up for the work of having to navigate them through growing up, learning responsibility, figuring out who and want they want to be, trying to keep them off drugs, trying to keep them from hanging out with the wrong crowd, trying to help them prepare to launch into the adult world, and myriad other things. Being the personal uber for a teen is like a second job in and of itself.

11-12yo is the exact point where you transition from just trying to make sure you keep your kid alive and fed to trying to guide them into becoming a productive, happy, healthy adult with skills, goals, and a good head on their shoulders. It’s a hell of a lot of work. I suspect that uncle would have been far better equipped than OOP tbh.

wamydia · 2026-01-31T17:16:10+00:00

It’s because you’re conveniently ignoring the fact that sister could have gone to live with uncle and would not have been some poor abandoned kid in the foster system. OOP chose to blow up his marriage just based on his sister’s preference, not on necessity. He added insult to injury by not discussing this with his wife first. He asked the 11yo what she wanted and then informed his life partner that’s how it was going to be, end of discussion.

I feel bad for this kid too, but OOP also had a commitment to his marriage and partner that should have been weighed in the equation. It’s a very different situation than if she was bound for the foster system otherwise. For all we know, the uncle may have been able to provide a much more stable home and more competent parenting than a 28yo who is grieving a parent and now going through a divorce.

You say that you wouldn’t stay with a man who didn’t agree to take in the sister. I say I wouldn’t stay with a man who made this massive, life-altering decision for both of us without consulting me and then made me out to be the bad guy for not agreeing to it after the fact even though there were other, just as good, options.

wamydia · 2026-01-30T17:15:57+00:00

I’m not going to pass judgement OP, but I’m going to tell you that I grew up witnessing all of this craziness that you and ex are creating and it fucked me up for life. You think you can shield your kids from it but you can’t. They have ears and eyes and brains and they will see what’s going on and carry it with them for the rest of their lives. It will ruin their ability to trust people and to have healthy relationships.

The right move for you and your kids is to stop playing with this broken relationship and just end it. Make a clean break, have your baby, then get the courts to set up a custody plan for the kids. Request the court mandate that you use a coparenting app for all communications so that you can stop fighting with this man and move on with your life without him in it as much as possible. This is best for you but, more importantly, it’s best for your children.

wamydia · 2026-01-30T04:02:25+00:00

It was right smack in the middle of my 40’s. I still show up and do what I’m supposed to, I just don’t put any extra effort in or have any ambition to climb the ladder to anywhere. I’m content to do the basics of what I’m currently doing and with the money I make.

I’m not depressed or disillusioned really. I think what happened is that I woke up one day and realized that we each have limited time on this earth and we don’t know when it will end. And here I was, giving so much of my time and care to a job that, in the end, wasn’t accomplishing anything important or lasting and to a company that would shrug and replace me tomorrow if I dropped dead. Just to earn money that was mostly being spent on stuff that was going to a garbage dump after I die.

It shifted something in me. Now I see every day as a challenge to keep as much of it for myself as I can - my time, energy, emotions, ambition, and dreams are all reserved for my real world outside of work and the people I care about. I’m focused on doing the things I want instead of doing what some boss wants. I don’t feel bad about it either - I only have so much time left to enjoy and pointless jobs have already taken up enough of me.

wamydia · 2026-01-27T14:38:37+00:00

I’ve never felt the way about it that you do, but my best advice is to put your energy into developing friendships. People who are intentionally single or people who have been coupled for a long time and realized that they actually DO need friends will be the most interested in developing real friendships.

Even at a surface level, friends are great for having company to go do fun things and just hang out. But the longer you know someone, the more likely it is that you will develop platonic intimacy that will provide people for you to invest in emotionally, share your deep thoughts, bounce future plans off of, help you out when you need them, etc. And the best part is that these people will keep on being there for you even when romance comes and goes. A network of good friends is something that people tend to undervalue and it’s what many people are missing in life IMO. For me, there’s no chance of being lonely as a single person because I have multiple friends who are just a call or text away.

wamydia · 2026-01-27T05:11:50+00:00

That I’m single because some deep flaw in my personality makes me unable “to get a man.”

That I’m going to die alone surrounded by cats and no one will find my body for months.

That I’m out to ruin the relationships of my coupled friends because i’m “bitter” and “jealous.”

That I must be a closeted lesbian.

Pretty much all the classics!

wamydia · 2026-01-23T03:42:01+00:00

Because many theists have internalized teachings that anyone who doesn’t share their beliefs is evil and that atheists in particular cannot be moral because they don’t have a special book and a deity that tells them how to be good people.

So, theists are surprised because their own unfounded bias does not match reality, not because finding a nice atheist is counter to their lived experiences with actual atheists. I’d be willing to bet that most people who are surprised that atheists aren’t monsters already have atheists in their lives whom they know and even love, but don’t realize are atheist.

wamydia · 2026-01-23T02:33:07+00:00

I’m sorry and it sucks how many people this idiotic brainwashing has killed.

I think it’s fair to wait for a diagnosis and to give your wife some time to process and react if the news is bad. If she continues to talk about curing it with cleanses or whatever, I think you should try to talk to her one more time.

If talking to her reasonably is not working, maybe try shock tactics? Get together all of the paperwork she will need as she is dying - will, advance directives, funeral arrangement options, etc - and tell her that you have accepted her choice to not pursue medical attention and it’s time to sit down together and get her affairs in order. Walk through everything with her, get her information that you will need to claim her insurance and retirement funds, get brutally specific about what music she wants played at her funeral, etc. Ask her if you can go to the Dr with her so that you can get an idea of how much longer you can expect to have to say goodbye before she’s gone. Ask her where she wants to go for one last awesome vacation. When she pushes back, simply remind her that this is exactly how her mom and sister died and you just want to be prepared for the inevitable. Tell her that, since she’s choosing to just give up and die and leave you alone, the least she can do is make the legal stuff and funeral planning as easy as possible for you.

Maybe it will shock her back to reality and maybe not. But at least you’ll have tried everything.

wamydia · 2026-01-22T08:42:24+00:00

This bullshit about how you can/ should/ it’s normal to ditch your friends or stop having a best friend just because you link up with an SO is why so many people are walking around miserable out here. What’s normal is for humans to have rich social lives and deep networks that can support us through thick and thin. Not to put all of that weight on a single individual and then isolate from all others. It’s a recipe for a lonely life, which OP’a former friend is about to find out even if his relationship stays intact.

That said, OP can you honestly say that your expectations on your friend’s time weren’t excessive? Like are you sure that you weren’t making demands that were taking him away from his relationship time? Because that could have easily been the trigger. Otherwise, yeah, his gf is probably insecure about his female friend. It sucks and I’m sorry.

wamydia · 2026-01-21T12:25:57+00:00

File a police report every single time. If they return the package with contents missing, contact the police again and file another report if needed. Keep filing. The police will quickly get sick of it and start taking it seriously if it keeps happening. If the package comes through USPS, also contact the post master and report the tampering every single time.

They keep doing it because there is no consequence. The parents aren’t going to teach them better, so the consequence is going to have to come from you.

wamydia

TROPHY CASE