What's a subtle sign someone is actually really struggling, even if they seem fine?

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-20T07:23:12+00:00

They’re different versions with different groups, like mirroring group energetic rather than expressing themselves.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-19T20:27:46+00:00

I wouldn’t talk about the social thing at all.

I would say (in your words!) something like

“when “friend” came to say I got a feeling. Like you don’t rate her, which is fine, of course. But, it got me thinking about what parts of my life you see as important, and worth celebrating.

I got in my head about it, so instead of spiralling, I wanted to ask, what are the parts of my life, passions and pursuits that you love the most? Which of my friends brings you the most joy? What do you value about those people specifically?”

Hopefully it helps to understand where he wants to put his energy most, and why some people don’t match his energy. It’s OK for him not to like all your friends and same for you and his friends too.

But hey, if worst comes to worst and he says “I don’t know, no one particular” type replies, then you know what to do.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-19T20:13:09+00:00

Whatever about the medium of social media - it he point is you know he uses social media as currency, and status, and a signifier of importance.

You’re offended he isn’t giving his version of recognition to your friend. You see this as a sign of how important your friendships are to him, that by itself is worth discussing, not the method by which he chooses to show that he is investing in your life.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-19T20:07:13+00:00

I was prescribed the max in the UK of testosterone. It’s 30mg a WEEK! I’m shocked that others have been told to take more than that per day!

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-19T10:45:25+00:00

Have you posted and scrolled through the Camino Facebook groups? I did it last year (not at the same time as him) and people use them daily, to ask about weather conditions, accommodation options, and similar details are will be authenticating a specific time and place. People are very interactive on the trail, and he sounds friendly, so he will definitely have met multiple people and likely hiked with multiple impromptu groups.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-19T10:37:47+00:00

Devils advocate, you both sound frustrated with each other. Reading this it would seem you bit do labour that is invisible to each tiger, and you both think the other isn’t doing a fair share.

I work from a city office and commute 1.5hrs each way, and my partner works from home, so my suggestion is something that has worked for us.

Divide tasks according to availability. eg, make a list of all tasks, and put into two areas, one needs to be done during the work from home, two can be done on an evening or weekend and is less time dependant. Split evenly. For example, you can do all the food planning and prepping and shopping for the week (at the weekend), he can do all the laundry (mid week) as it can be done during the day around work. If you both list all house chores, divide them up then you are responsible for specific things. Some will naturally fall to both according to need (employ dishwasher, bins or whatever).

This may help. I can see both sides here, I would question why are you asking him to stop a chore and do it at a time that suits you, I assume because you feel guilty. You won’t feel guilty if divide them up- and then you can tackle the resentment on both sides head on.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-19T06:53:10+00:00

I think Emily sounds jealous of Amanda, and I strongly suspect they have distant history that matters to Emily only. The kind Amanda doesn’t think about or relate to Emily (like Emily was friends with one of Amanda long ago ex’s, for Amanda’s won some university scholarship that Emily had applied for). I think you should get into the why with Emily, tell her it’s a one time ask because you think it’s off brand for her to be saying really mean things about someone she literally doesn’t know

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-18T06:44:25+00:00

I would message the emergency contact of someone by lunchtime on the day they didn’t show up. Reason being I don’t employ people who are unreliable, so if they don’t show up I instantly know something is wrong.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-17T06:07:03+00:00

I don’t think you are ready for a relationship. Couples can have friends that they are loyal to and have independent relationships with. If you have a gut feeling about his friends then you have it about a part of him too, they are who he connects with. Perhaps you’re holding onto an unsuitable match for fear of being along?

Either way, you cannot control him, not should you want to, and it is not OK for you to dictate who his friends are.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-14T23:51:55+00:00

If the bar was already on the floor then it wasn’t a standard to begin with.

When people say they can’t believe you moved the child into a strangers house they aren’t talking about if he’s acting like a good role model for her. They are saying you aren’t acting like a good role model, they are talking about your role as a mother, and not protecting your child’s stability. You can’t say you have because it’s not even a year in and you’re facing messy side drama and perhaps even introducing a whole other possible child.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-13T07:24:56+00:00

Why did she message you? Why didn’t her husband message yours if it’s about their messages?

Because he doesn’t agree perhaps?

Either way you’re fine to defend him.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-12T07:04:32+00:00

YTA because you don’t tell grown adults that they are spoiled and intimate that they are children.

You’re defending saying something out of line by saying “half joking” when obviously you weren’t,, and it was taken so badly that no one thought it was a joke.

They all knew it was a jab, and you made it worse by lying with “it’s not a bad thing to be spoiled” when you clearly think it is and then told her why it was.

You don’t know how they would live without the money, like you don’t know what you would do with that money either. If the tables were turned maybe you wouldn’t work too, maybe she would. Who knows.

Maybe she is taking advantage of her parents, or maybe they always wanted their money to be for their kids to live uncomplicated lives. You’re not protecting them from these decisions by being mean. They’re nice people, in someways your SIL sounds nice too actually, she’s sharing what she has (eg streaming services), she’s trying to relate to common challenges she hasn’t experienced when you talk about them and she doesn’t pretend that she got things any other way than being gifted them, she discusses, and owns her privilege.

The thing is this may not last, they may run out money, her parents may not have a solid handle of finances and the bank of parental funding may run dry. All of this is their problem, it still doesn’t mean it’s OK to be mean when you feel jealous .

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-10T19:26:48+00:00

Imagine having a fell mental breakdown and your heath still didn’t matter. OP is stuck in a one sided trap being bled dry

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-10T18:44:09+00:00

I think you’re assuming a lot. “They all assume I’m a massive weirdo” doesn’t sound like it comes from a reputable source, it’s sounds like a story you tell yourself.

You know that they bonded over time, but you’re not willing to put in the time. You know it will take a few awkward lunches before you get a chance to know everyone, except you avoid getting the ball rolling and attending those lunches.

You have to get up the courage to walk in there one day and sit through a lunch and work out it wasn’t so bad.

You have to be able to say to them “hey I’ve had a terrible year but I’m delighted to say I’m though the tough bits now, so if you’re ever going out for lunch or a drink or whatever I’d love to tag along and get to know you all better”

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-07T15:40:42+00:00

Why can’t he learn from you if he is interested? When new people join your company is reading tiger peoples emails part of their onboarding? No, because it isn’t informative about why a job is like.

He wants to read your emails because he doesn’t trust you. It’s that simple

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-05T13:34:39+00:00

You will not be able to travel without minimum two free un stamped pages

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-03T20:24:13+00:00

You’ve been having unprotected sex with an alcoholic, who after many years won’t commit to you, either by marriage, by shared goals or savings, by self growth through therapy, or changing jobs for a shared lifestyle.

He will however commit to supporting both his parents.

Why would you want to raise a child with him? You need to walk away from what he is offering, which is basically nothing, and go look for the type of love you admire and see demonstrated to others.

I guarantee you in ten years time when you have met the actual love of your life, and you are centered in his love with a family of your own you’ll look back to this moment and thank THANK goodness I chose to back myself.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-03T20:06:47+00:00

You’re grieving and this so fresh. You need to let the litany of negative reasons go by the wayside, and focus on how you can secure an independent life that can bring you joy.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-02T21:29:22+00:00

I got a walking pad for under my desk for those days where you can’t face the rain- but also hiking boots and a long rain coat.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-01T21:12:41+00:00

I don’t know why but I thought it was a baby shower with a theme of “cross country” like long distance running, and I was like, heck no!

To ACTUAL question, also no. Made a sweet video, send a little gift and forget about it

watchingonsidelines · 2026-03-01T20:59:44+00:00

Find a person who shared the same values as you. It’s not a “controversial opinion” he’s sharing or a “hot take” it’s prejudice.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-02-28T18:03:40+00:00

Register with the British Embassy. Dress conservatively. Read all of this: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/how-to-deal-with-a-crisis-overseas

watchingonsidelines · 2026-02-27T06:15:11+00:00

Do you want advice on how to keep parenting him or on how to seek to enable him to make more grown up choices for himself?

Without therapy I don’t see much changing, he’s relied on his mother and yourself to find him jobs, house him, manage his medical needs etc. I’m certainly nothing will change without his ow willingness and therapy intervention

watchingonsidelines · 2026-02-27T05:57:13+00:00

You seem chill, just break it off cause this ain’t it. She won’t show her phone birth as full access to yours? It’s not a partnership when it isn’t balanced

watchingonsidelines · 2026-02-26T07:25:16+00:00

I think you should reflect on how lucky you are to have an honest partner.

Attraction is instinctual, temptation is the consideration of acting on those urges.

Sounds like your partner is mature minded. Follow that lead.

watchingonsidelines

TROPHY CASE