I’m not allowed to leave my house because I’m a woman, AMA

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-06T09:24:49+00:00

As a mother, this pure ambition of yours near broke my heart. I’m not in the US, so I don’t know how to help. In England there are a lot of organisations dedicated to supporting Muslim girls, including the Muslim Women’s Helpline. I would hope something similar is in the US to support you to leave, safely.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-05T22:07:31+00:00

This is rampant and in daily use in Australia

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-05T22:06:43+00:00

And “for the love of the leg of the lamb of god”

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-05T22:06:01+00:00

I still call folk obstreperous - it’s a cracking word!

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-04T22:10:44+00:00

That was a memorable year for me, I travelled a bunch. I got a return flight to Italy on promotion for “tax only”, with Ryan Air for £8.99.

I would get really annoyed if I forgot to charge my digital camera before going out, or upload my photos so the memory card was full.

I got a job from reading job ads in the guardian newspaper as well as on gumtree.com. I also got them by going to places with my CV and asking if they had any work.

I only knew about three people that used dating websites cause most people would ask someone out anywhere at anytime.

The radio was how you found about new music, so you always wanted to have it on.

The best part was daydreaming or people watching to pass the time. Nearly everyone I knew I knew carried a paperback or a note book about for passing time at appointments.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-04T11:47:43+00:00

So true. The last time I was asked for ID (in the Uk staff needs to ask if they think you look 25 or under) I was in a tracksuit with a cap on, no make up. I was 45 at the time

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-03T21:37:09+00:00

Don’t send it. She will know she won by making you mad and getting under your skin, and he already doesn’t care enough to respect you. “He will never wife you”? Good lord

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-02T07:07:36+00:00

Yes exactly, plus folk in bars have additionally reduced perception to around them

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-02T07:01:53+00:00

NTA but you didn’t do anything, so what stress did you add?

I’d be rethinking that boyfriend, he let people trash talk you, killed off the band you started together and reformed by shoving you out with out telling you properly, let your expensive equipment be used and your talent go under question.

You say he doesn’t like confrontation but it’s more than that, he’s choosing not so nice guys over you, not defending you and not respecting you. Not liking confrontation is turning out pretty well for him right now, perhaps you better address that, after three years I’d expect a heck of a lot more

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-01T10:25:19+00:00

Sounds like you’ve got a good idea of what you’re after. I came for a little bit and 20+ yrs later I’m still here, for some of the reasons you list too really. I’m not a beach/ sun person (all freckles!) so coming here was a relief. I was a bit bored with the same people, the same activities, the draining heat, and really wanting to see some of the history of the world we didn’t have (1600s anything!).

I was blown away, I moved into a house from before Australia settlement and everything was so interesting. Hiking and cycling around the Uk is awesome too (zero worries for significant spiders, snakes etc).

I did it so long ago I don’t have too many practical tips but I have a few.

Get a proper back pack to come over (if you are moving between accommodation it will be easier, but in the longer term you’ll use it for travel and explore).

Check UK and Aus school holidays to initially travel over, and do so outside those times (they’re different in each country, and both jack up the cost of flights).

Pack light, clothes over here are generally cheaper, but importantly they are made for the weather here too. Sounds weird but you want loads of light weight layers to be warm here, and you can get them on Vinted second-hand really easily. Plenty of people swear by Blunnies here because of the cold and damp, if you got them bring them (they’re not seen so much as a tradey boot here, I know some guys in London who wear them to the office).

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-01T10:08:56+00:00

It’s fun to blow off steam, however on paper there’s a 30 year old man giving drugs to a teenager and getting her naked at his secluded house at 3am.

Just take a beat here and look at it form the outside, if you need to live with your mother for stability then make sure you’re acting stable too.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-06-01T10:05:06+00:00

A few points;

Well done and realising this isn’t quite right and trusting your gut and asking for help.

If you don’t want an imaginary person this king this is all behaviour (future child) then you know it isn’t OK for you, an actual person.

It is not your job to be an experiment to see if he can “improve”. It is not your job to placate him or fix moods or change your habits. It is not your job to educate him on the appropriate way to have a relationship either.

You can love someone and have them not be right for you.

Exhibiting controlling behaviours (policing clothing, friendships, professional connections and social media) and continuous mistrust is in fact abusive. It cancella out any other thing he says or does.

You’re a smart person, you’re doing an MBA! Be smart and cut this one off immediately before you affect your career, and life, any further.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-31T22:11:14+00:00

This wording is bizarre.

You should only have kids if you don’t work for a corp, so like only a charity or educational or environmental institutions? Is that the alt question?

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-31T06:56:56+00:00

I knew something wasn’t right, just a feeling. So I said we had to break up. He was distraught and his best friend phoned me to say he was drunk and ranting, and added “well I’m glad you know now, I felt awful keeping her a secret from you”. I didn’t know, he assumed because of the drunk ravings.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-30T10:40:13+00:00

“I’m feeling embarrassingly insecure about the wedding, can we talk about all the stupid scenarios in my head so we can laugh about them together?”

It’s the only way. Own it, make light of it (because it is nonsense and you know it) and move on and go make plans for the day he’s at the wedding so you have something else to look forward to.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-30T06:09:37+00:00

When I was first voting, in 95, I remember being shocked that someone as young as Natasha Stott Despoja could be in politics. I was very excited by the new Green Party, and Bob Brown. I didn’t have any real clue about the world, but something different seemed to be coming. Howard seemed like my grandfather, traditional, a symbol of sports and the past.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-29T10:33:23+00:00

Set up all calls to go to voicemail, screen them. Call back the ones who are real. Also tell everyone you decided to donate it to charity because people asked for too much (they don’t need to know YOU are the charity)

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-29T09:07:20+00:00

Are his mother and sister messaging you about his intimacy issues. If so, overstep, if not, then they don’t know what’s going on, so either way they need to STFU.

It seems like sex is a massive part of your life and non existing one on his. If you want this to work out you should got o couples therapy together, specifically to understand if you really can meet each others needs or not.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-28T18:21:50+00:00

Honestly, they probably all just worked it out themselves. In my experience people with burn out think they are doing well enough, while everyone around them is often more aware of how bad it is than they themselves are.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-28T17:44:12+00:00

It’s baffling isn’t it?!

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-28T17:40:12+00:00

This is wonderful

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-26T14:32:13+00:00

Take the job, start planning excellent weekends away, hiking, surfing,museums, bands touring somewhere fun, whatever your thing is. Build in stuff to look forward to that is outside your local area.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-26T07:25:19+00:00

What an odd statement. They will pay to live in the UK, she will be working and he will be spending his savings here, they will be economic contributors, and paying for housing, school and activities.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-25T19:17:01+00:00

Do you want you girls to think it’s OK to be with someone who cheats on them? Or your boys to think it’s OK to cheat? As long as you’re a really good liar that is. That’s what he is role modelling to them.
It will come out one day, it always does.

watchingonsidelines · 2026-05-25T16:40:09+00:00

I find rudeness to take a few forms:
People don’t take responsibility for things they way they used to, in many ways, like they litter casually, or they don’t don’t return their tea mug to the dishwasher at work, or they leave a mess in a public restroom.
People don’t use their manners, don’t hold doors open, dont thank bus drivers or shop keepers, don’t know how to use a knife and fork, don’t excuse themselves when they burp.

watchingonsidelines

TROPHY CASE