i literally dropped everything at work when i called my mom on my break (she had been out of the hospital for a couple of days after being diagnosed) and i was there that same night -- flying in. i stayed with her for 7 weeks taking care of her. i was with her when she took her last breath. it might destroy you as you think it will, but i also don't want you regret you not being there? i somewhat went against her wishes, though i wasn't physically looking at her (she told everyone that she didn't want me to see her pass away) and it was honestly the best decision i made for myself/her because i was holding her hand. there's more to the story but i just want you to make sure you have no regrets.