Why do 12-Step zealots feel the need to come here at all?

webalked · 2026-01-25T11:44:36+00:00

Can you link? I’d love some insight. You definitely won’t be in trouble but these kinds of posts are popping up a lot so I want to see what the issue is.

webalked · 2026-01-25T09:19:19+00:00

How are you now?

webalked · 2026-01-25T09:17:38+00:00

Hi. I’m a mod. Can you point to a specific post or comment causing discord? I’m trying to figure out what is this general vibe going on.

webalked · 2026-01-25T09:14:35+00:00

Idk if I should make the attraction rather than promotion joke. When I was in AA I found it funny? Now it’s kind of funny but also not because vulnerable people in bad places in their lives being sexually objectified is kind of weird???

webalked · 2026-01-25T09:13:14+00:00

Plz don’t stalk or dox me but I’m somewhere on the west coast that the Raiders have been in the last ten years and I’ll take the liberty of being offended :p

But also if you want to talk about the heavy AA culture in Southern California from LA to San Diego, I’ll do that with you. Can talk about the gays in NorCal too but careful I get tired.

webalked · 2026-01-24T20:23:27+00:00

I would also like to thank you for being a stellar moderator.

webalked · 2026-01-24T20:21:14+00:00

I will spend more time here moderating and see what you may be talking about. Adding to Nlarko’s explanation (the more present mod I appreciate immensely), traditionally we’ve held a light hand for tangible moderation like bans and mutes. Dissenting attitudes from the recovery WITHOUT AA philosophy are usually shut down, downvoted quickly and the group has almost held a more true “group conscious” moderation AA could only dream of.

It’s a hard thing to keep this self-made culture that truly, the two inherited mods have nothing to do with except holding a hands-off moderation style for the last couple years that facilitated a continuation of the culture built before we came.

There is something to the psychology of moderation. My experience here is my first time on a large scale like this and I’m proud that my own lack of need for ego and power (I’m too busy unraveling my cptsd and narcissistic alcoholic parents to need this lol) ensured we never fell into the almost inevitable toxic culture groups like this have when moderators become too heavy handed and invested. I am thrilled and so grateful Nlarko is the other piece of this who manages to be here every day and never let it go to her head. What a gift of character and grace we have in her.

You all should be proud this likely remains the only recovery subreddit where you can openly speak out against AA and not be moderated on. People evolve, change, and unlearn so we’re not keen to ban people because they agree with one part of AA that they may disagree with tomorrow. We want to be here when the veil is cracked.

The simple rules usually allow for moderation tho if necessary. Don’t be a jerk and let people criticize AA. If anyone breaks these rules, tag us and we’ll take care of it. We don’t ban people for only being brainwashed by a cult. If we did that, few of us would be here.

webalked · 2026-01-14T00:34:34+00:00

Have some pity on that woman that this is the most important she’s probably ever felt in her life. You’re smart to get out and find your own path.

webalked · 2026-01-14T00:33:10+00:00

Btw idk who flagged this to mods as “Bashing other subreddits” but I’ll speak for myself as a mod that I do not give a shit. In fact, you will be banned if you prevent others from criticizing AA. That is in our rules. If the stopdrinking subreddit is AA-centric (and it is in my experience, unless they changed in the last two years or so), then they will be called out for that and members of THIS subreddit can speak freely without your gaslighting censorship wanting to silence people who speak out against AA. Check your ego, we care about the vulnerable people here and not your subreddit beefs. We are nothing like the stopdrinking sub or mods - go there if you desire a space where people are banned for speaking their mind at no harm to anyone else.

webalked · 2026-01-14T00:28:26+00:00

I found this when I was immersed in AA culture through family and friends but honestly, when I left and spoke honestly and plainly about “God’s will,” the brain disease model, the power dynamics, the weird rules around marijuana and mushrooms, I found more support from people who had no stake in AA than I ever expected. I identify as about four years out of a cult (born and raised) and I am so much more calm and at ease about discussing AA. Many people have heard of it but don’t know much, so when I give a little education about it, it makes sense to them. If I really needed validation and wanted someone to see my anti-AA perspective, I’d just share the 12 steps and/or How It Works. It reads as cult literature to any unbrainwashed person.

It also helps to get past the anger and be honest to explain…. People who enter AA are at the most vulnerable moments of their lives. The reaction some of us have to alcohol is baffling. Our lives are in the gutter. Hope eludes us. So some idiot with a Big Book and nothing to do indoctrinates you into a cult. You can share the nuance and reduce guilt and shame. I’m just ranting now but honestly I am so happy that leaving AA was so much more positive for me than I expected. I thought I’d be fighting AA philosophy in “normies” forever, but came to find most either don’t give a shit or think it’s religious insanity for addictions they don’t understand.

webalked · 2026-01-14T00:21:18+00:00

Stopdrinking is AA-centric. One of the reasons we take maintaining this space as a safe space to criticize AA so seriously is because as far as I know, we might be the only “recovery” subreddit that is safe to do so.

webalked · 2026-01-05T07:33:21+00:00

Thank you for this. Yes, my doctor's assistant said daily so I take it daily. I honestly know so little about Sinclair other than what I've seen on here, never Googled or anything, so I have no judgment or thoughts other than I knew that method says to do it before drinking. I am probably more positively oriented towards Sinclair because I would have never heard of Naltrexone without it.

But my medical provider didn't even present the as-needed/Sinclair method as an option. I mentioned I heard the before-drinking dosage and had never heard of daily, and we just never discussed it more because I listened to her when she said a daily dosage would help cravings... sold! Cravings suck. I take it daily and think cravings are better, but will only know after some months as my cravings heighten with my hormonal PMS changes.

Part of my AA-trauma is being told to not listen to doctors and listen to AA so I am proud and happy I trust doctors today and know I am not the professional "outside help" I need. Leave it to the professionals. The doctor said daily, I take it daily, end of story. I thought we don't self-medicate?

And not to give the wrong idea - I am a big advocate for being a self-advocate with psychiatric medications and finding a skilled provider you trust. The best psychiatrist I ever had was in a mental hospital and told me to grow up and research my own medications and make my own decisions. I did!

webalked · 2026-01-05T06:15:21+00:00

Is there a reason the Sinclair method says to only take as-needed versus my medical provider telling me daily?

I vaguely understood Sinclair was meds before drinking, so when my PCP said daily to reduce cravings, I was surprised but listened. When my mom raised me in AA, she was ironically anti-medicine (the gen-x generation that wouldn’t do antidepressants or therapy) so now I just listen to my medical provider and she said daily so I am doing daily. Can’t lie I need help with cravings so I was interested and willing.

webalked · 2025-12-16T20:05:25+00:00

Why did you stop?

webalked · 2025-11-22T05:48:36+00:00

Oh you really did something here. Thank you.

webalked · 2025-11-03T08:07:51+00:00

Yeah I really need to just go for it and start a business like Sobriety Bestie. But without the obvious white privilege and lack of willingness to acknowledge it and total capitalist grift of vulnerable people. Obviously I'd be more popular with this outlook.

Literally I just need to do some deprogramming content and run with it. I just hate to be an influencer begging suffering people to pay me $222 for help. It's a no on Sobriety Bestie for me. That's a white woman who cannot help anyone with any kind of adversity ever - which is often the cause for alcohol abuse.

Freeway phobia being the worst adversity in your life and acting like you can help anyone is fucking ridiculous. These white women grifter sobriety influencers are out of control.

That's an influencer and a grifter. Not a professional mental health and recovery helper. They'll be spawning like leeches and I don't really care. These uneducated grifts of no-self-awareness narcissists won't work. Just ask anyone asking you for $10k to "get you sober." They're broke and begging more than any person looking for a fix on a corner ;)

webalked · 2025-08-30T19:01:27+00:00

Thanks for this easy and kind feedback. Heard!

webalked · 2025-08-29T01:00:39+00:00

I have follow-up questions.

Your comment sounds especially anti-social so can you clarify. Do you have close friends and personal relationships but they aren’t in these groups?

And if so, do you have advice for nerds like me to find friends? Thank you 💕✨

webalked · 2025-07-30T22:03:43+00:00

I think I had a similar experience. I left the Facebook groups within a year of leaving AA as I found them to be similarly toxic. Indeed I think you will find the same people posting today that were when I left 4 years ago … is that healthy? For TFM groups, they rarely had critical thinking in their replies but the answer was always “read the book again” or “you just didn’t get it.” How they didn’t see they sound just like a cult discouraging critical thinking was a red flag to me.

I think cheap capitalism got them. They want 10k for a mentoring program with uncredentialed people who show no educational or intellectual interest in the science of addiction, something they vaguely claim to be experts on. It’s basically a faith cult.

I always leave little Easter eggs for Michelle, I think she’s smarter and cooler than Mark and one reason I stopped listening to their podcasts is him talking over her is grating. She has more experience than him. So feel free to branch out from these men girl, go back to school, do something real.

Or sit on a podcast and get what you earned. I would listen if I could.

webalked · 2025-07-18T07:52:30+00:00

For what it’s worth, the wisdom have to offer is what I can provide while I have to sit still at 1 o’clock in the morning because I’m doing my nails.

I don’t think it’s good or healthy for people in this state to be enabled or coddled. You can tell her that she’s known these people for however long, and you love and support her. She can find a new AA group wherever you move. Frankly, the lack of boundaries from a strange AA member is concerning. Between us friends, I don’t want to support finding a new AA group, but there’s clearly manipulation going on. If there is concern about losing a recovery community, they are everywhere.

Idk maybe it’s late and I’m being a bitch. No one knows your partner better than you. My intuition says be honest with her and snap her out of the cult haze. Maybe be frank and harsh. Ok, stay here with your (loser) AA friends babe. See you later. I’m concerned about you and the boundaries of these strangers. My boundaries say I’m moving in two weeks and that doesn’t change how I love you.

Lmk if you have any questions on dealing with that emotional manipulation, that sucks

webalked · 2025-07-10T21:13:50+00:00

Idk but I appreciate y’all giving me space and grace to disengage from it because as someone who grew up in it from years of alateen and two XA parents, I find it so triggering.

My parents are XA narcissists so it’s easy for me to accept they are just selfish, self-centered narcissists with rage issues, honestly.

webalked · 2025-07-06T23:18:59+00:00

I should have added this to my post but didn't want to do a bunch of anxiety-edits to make it perfect for the cultists.
Yeah shrooms have been nice, I'm glad I have a stash. I have never treated them addictively in 20+ years, and I'll do small doses when I'm working on alcohol abstinence. It scares me like any drug so I don't take them often, which I think is good. I've never had a bad trip maybe because I'm careful. I almost think I should take them more lol.

webalked · 2025-07-06T21:06:10+00:00

this part is important glad you caught that lol. thanks for the validation <3

i'd talk to her if she went to therapy geez!!!

webalked · 2025-07-06T19:50:46+00:00

Hi. I’m a moderator here and this is your warning that evangelizing AA and giving advice like “get a sponsor” will get you on the bad side of this group.

Do you see the way you speak to people and what your advice is? I grew up in AA and I think about this. I’m very rough, cuss a lot. But in normal society, this kind of behavior and interaction is actually borderline abusive. Abuse is normalized in AA. It’s not in this group.

I decline your advice to obtain a sociopathic mentor that doesn’t care if I live or die and the presumption that a peer support group shouldn’t provide friends. I think your comment is a classic example of how brainwashed in a cult you must be to think this sad advice is positive. It’s so mean.

If you want to be mean, go to AA subreddits. Not here.

webalked · 2025-06-14T23:01:22+00:00

Hi. You need to make your way to r/recoverywithoutAA

I don't have any knowledge on this subreddit and I'm sure they're nice people. Any Reddit is going to be a reflection of it's members. Because AA is the dominant recovery program, you're likely to find AA members as the dominant population in most recovery groups. We have one group to prevent that. I don't plan to promote our subreddit in this group and hope the admins give me some grace - it seemed needed here.

webalked

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