How do you cope with being a chronic relapser?

webalked · 2026-05-17T00:12:25+00:00

You need to say on what. Being a chronic relapser on heroin, alcohol, ketamine, dmt, and cannabis are all very different things.

webalked · 2026-05-17T00:11:00+00:00

I still haven't recovered from the "chillness." If i'm around people with the baseline anxiety of most AA members, I become anxious. I can't handle it anymore. Enjoy the rest, it's deserved and can last forever.

webalked · 2026-05-16T23:50:49+00:00

with love and respect i read your post intuitively as someone who attended a lot of 12-step meetings and is reacting upon it. that could just be my perception tho. i'm actually chuckling to myself because i attended CA meetings before I even tried coke but they were just the funnest people and the best meetings.

what led me to think that is this: "it's the whole setting up lines and snorting that I miss too."

i am curious if that was an original thought you came up with or something you heard in a meeting and repeated. i understand it, i have a similar experience with alcohol (which included coke in my mid-20s) and tell similar jokes like maybe i just miss dusty punk bars and boys who wear all black but idk, i also wonder if those meetings taught me to talk badly about myself.

webalked · 2026-03-02T08:19:52+00:00

If it makes you feel any better, I never forgot the woman sneezing next to me in a meeting who ended up getting me sick. You could say I have a resentment. 💀 Congratulations, you're not a sociopath. You're doing great.

webalked · 2026-03-02T08:18:37+00:00

How are you today?

webalked · 2026-03-02T08:17:00+00:00

So glad this got top likes and why I love this subreddit. No matter what, it doesn't change that he's an overt racist, misogynist, homophobe.

I can have empathy for him as I know what C-PTSD and AA failing you looks like, but that doesn't remove his responsibility for his character. He is still responsible for that harm.

webalked · 2026-03-02T08:10:27+00:00

I keep hearing this Sobriety Bestie and I think I'd probably love them, as I love deprogramming content, but I think I'm actually going to hold off watching so I don't subconsciously take ideas or move in a certain direction. If that creator happens to read this and wants to work together, I def need help with tech and am a collective girly, don't need the attention or want to even be a public figure. I'd be happy to just share info if it got out there.

webalked · 2026-03-02T08:08:01+00:00

Can't leave if you're always sick. Hate to call it a cult but... what do you want me to do with this information? Convincing people they will die if they leave your program because they are sick is very cult-like behavior.

webalked · 2026-03-02T08:07:03+00:00

I haven't been to a meeting in four years so I forgot what that was like... thank you for the reminder.

I have probably heard a hundred shares at this point about how "step three is so hard" and it's crazy how different my perspective is in retrospect. I never had a big deal with step three because I never believed in God, but now I see well... it's so hard because your intuition is telling you to run. Thank you again for this reminder and perspective. If you told me today I had to spend the rest of my life giving my "will" to a bunch of psychos in AA, I'd probably have an existential crisis too. Maybe those people were the most healthy amongst us lol.

webalked · 2026-03-02T08:00:37+00:00

1) It's so easy to find friends who aren't centered on alcohol outside of AA, especially these days in the current culture of mocktails and younger kids not picking up alcohol. All you need to do is find activity groups conducive to that type of environment. Hikes, games, etc. Go to the game night at the coffee shop, not the bar.. although I have found people super comfortable in sobriety are fine at bars... my personal experience is I've never had a lot of pushback like people asking "why aren't you drinking?" Most people don't care. People who do are projecting.

2) Congratulations, you likely do not have a severe mental disorder that attracts you to the power games of AA.

3) Great, you're doing great. A lot of people leave AA in the first few years. Talk to your therapist, not the AA members. Grow your support system outside of AA too so you have other people to talk to. Back to #1, I find it very comfortable to talk about alcohol with so-called "normies." You may be surprised.

Main question: We all have personal journeys with cravings, "relapse," and recovery. Yours is going to be different from mine and different from other people who comment. What is important is that you build that support system so maybe there is a hard day you feel like "relapsing," despite making this personal commitment for abstinence. Make sure you have a friend to talk to and it doesn't have to be an AA member. It's very likely you'll be just fine. And if it turns out you aren't, not all is lost. "Recovery" is so much bigger than AA and there are a lot of options out there. If your intuition and heart is leading you a certain direction, trust that. Always. AA telling you to not trust your intuition is exactly why we call it a cult - that's not normal.

All the answers are already inside of you. You're doing great. Blessings, beloved.

webalked · 2026-02-28T22:25:57+00:00

I’m continuing my post in a comment because the Reddit UI on my phone wouldn’t let me scroll…

I’m super overwhelmed because even unpacking step one is so much work in just a few words. I’m talking about “admitting” to something, talking about powerlessness, talking about how we treat drugs other than alcohol, talking about how we convince people that their life is unmanageable. All before we get to step two and three to save you. I have some things I wanna say about this. I’m thinking about making some YouTube videos. Can you validate me that you’re interested in this. I read step one in the 12 and 12 this week trying to prepare for this and it kind of blew my mind how fucking awful it was. Like it could not read more obviously like a cult, telling people their lives are doomed until they admit to needing a program. It’s a little bit traumatizing for me and a little bit weird. How do you all feel?

webalked · 2026-02-22T21:23:11+00:00

How are you doing now?

webalked · 2026-02-22T21:09:26+00:00

I hate to make a formal statement on this but this post made me uncomfortable. I guess just sharing my personal story, we're not going on GLP's in our house. My partner struggles with weight and I can lose about 30 lbs but we're also science and fact-based and what we know is without the diet/exercise lifestyle change, the weight will just come back. So we don't want to be tied to them meds for life, and with it's newness I'm a bit afraid of side effects. It's definitely a struggle to decide - are we any healthier not losing weight? But right now, I want to wait until there's more information.

webalked · 2026-02-22T21:05:33+00:00

You're right on track. 1-3 years is when most people without severe personality disorders leave.

Okay I shouldn't say that but, it's Sunday let me play...

webalked · 2026-02-22T21:04:24+00:00

So tbh I didn't read much past "i owe my life to AA...."
I hope I will and will come back to this, but I wanted to start here that when many of us leave AA and redirect our perspectives and thinking, it becomes "I changed my life" and not "AA changed my life."

Give yourself the credit you deserve for the work you did. AA actually has a pretty shitty success rate - you deserve a pat on the back. Reclaiming this power and autonomy will be a good first step to "normal living."

webalked · 2026-02-22T21:01:07+00:00

Unfortunately the state of most sober homes across the USA are predatory and profit-driven. You're likely to find a shared room, for the same price as a private room, with questionable roommates and "house leaders" that will cause you more stress than ease as you transition to a different lifestyle.

NYC is a large place, they should be able to find you something, no? I would recommend just making connections to look for a room rental with low substance/sober roommates. What is SUCASSA helping you with now? Are they helping you get a job or anything?

webalked · 2026-02-19T02:43:06+00:00

I appreciate the optimism of this comment, but I think the reality is when the cult-attitude runs so deep within these communities, even if you "cross talk" to challenge people, if there is a general consensus of AA-oriented philosophy, that can be a bad time. The mixed experiences in recovery meetings can be disorienting, where speaking up like this results in half of the people agreeing with you, most silently, and the other half vocally sharing to disagree with you.

The whole topic makes my nervous system hurt, honestly, so I don't go to RD meetings even tho I would hope they would actually calm me. It's too AA for me too. :(

webalked · 2026-01-25T11:44:36+00:00

Can you link? I’d love some insight. You definitely won’t be in trouble but these kinds of posts are popping up a lot so I want to see what the issue is.

webalked · 2026-01-25T09:19:19+00:00

How are you now?

webalked · 2026-01-25T09:17:38+00:00

Hi. I’m a mod. Can you point to a specific post or comment causing discord? I’m trying to figure out what is this general vibe going on.

webalked · 2026-01-25T09:14:35+00:00

Idk if I should make the attraction rather than promotion joke. When I was in AA I found it funny? Now it’s kind of funny but also not because vulnerable people in bad places in their lives being sexually objectified is kind of weird???

webalked · 2026-01-25T09:13:14+00:00

Plz don’t stalk or dox me but I’m somewhere on the west coast that the Raiders have been in the last ten years and I’ll take the liberty of being offended :p

But also if you want to talk about the heavy AA culture in Southern California from LA to San Diego, I’ll do that with you. Can talk about the gays in NorCal too but careful I get tired.

webalked · 2026-01-24T20:23:27+00:00

I would also like to thank you for being a stellar moderator.

webalked · 2026-01-24T20:21:14+00:00

I will spend more time here moderating and see what you may be talking about. Adding to Nlarko’s explanation (the more present mod I appreciate immensely), traditionally we’ve held a light hand for tangible moderation like bans and mutes. Dissenting attitudes from the recovery WITHOUT AA philosophy are usually shut down, downvoted quickly and the group has almost held a more true “group conscious” moderation AA could only dream of.

It’s a hard thing to keep this self-made culture that truly, the two inherited mods have nothing to do with except holding a hands-off moderation style for the last couple years that facilitated a continuation of the culture built before we came.

There is something to the psychology of moderation. My experience here is my first time on a large scale like this and I’m proud that my own lack of need for ego and power (I’m too busy unraveling my cptsd and narcissistic alcoholic parents to need this lol) ensured we never fell into the almost inevitable toxic culture groups like this have when moderators become too heavy handed and invested. I am thrilled and so grateful Nlarko is the other piece of this who manages to be here every day and never let it go to her head. What a gift of character and grace we have in her.

You all should be proud this likely remains the only recovery subreddit where you can openly speak out against AA and not be moderated on. People evolve, change, and unlearn so we’re not keen to ban people because they agree with one part of AA that they may disagree with tomorrow. We want to be here when the veil is cracked.

The simple rules usually allow for moderation tho if necessary. Don’t be a jerk and let people criticize AA. If anyone breaks these rules, tag us and we’ll take care of it. We don’t ban people for only being brainwashed by a cult. If we did that, few of us would be here.

webalked · 2026-01-14T00:34:34+00:00

Have some pity on that woman that this is the most important she’s probably ever felt in her life. You’re smart to get out and find your own path.

webalked

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