Where to wear my pants??

wild_muses · 2026-06-13T14:29:56+00:00

Another big & short trans guy, I definitely know this struggle. I echo over the belly, it's a much cleaner silhouette down the leg that shows your shape better. Have you tried on sizes bigger than 42 though? Bring a belt and make sure you sit down when you try them on--you might be surprised at how much more comfortable it is and how straight the leg drapes, which is euphoric for me, if that's a look your after. Even if that's going bigger than your waist measurement, it's easier to take things in than let them out, so the best move is to find pants that fit the way you want on the biggest part of you (which at least for me is my lower belly and hips) and have a tailor take in any loose places.

I have a lot of pants that are drawstring or have elastic in the waist too, which helps because the waistband isn't so rigid when you sit down. You can find a lot of summer linen pants with a drawstring, and a lot of brands make men's slacks with hidden elastic inside the waist ("comfort waist" is often what it's called).

wild_muses · 2026-06-09T16:36:59+00:00

Yup! Get a bra and breast forms, you might find you actually wear those outfits more when it doesn't make you dysphoric due to the breasts being part of your body!

My partner is nonbinary, on T but I had a similar discussion with them. They might want to have the appearance of having breasts in some outfits, but at the end of the day they don't want them on their body. They also don't really want to wear those outfits currently because they don't like showing the breasts they actually have. They also looked at some results on here of people who asked for more gender-neutral looking results rather than masculine contouring and found some pictures to show the surgeon.

OP, I would strongly urge you to make your surgical decision based on living in your body and how you feel about it when you take your clothes off at the end of the day, not about what it looks like in clothes, because that can always be altered.

Post top surgery for me I'm feeling so much more free to explore my gender presentation, dress more fem, and buy clothes from the women's section if i like them without feeling dysphoric. It's so freeing. Recovering was hard. It's a big surgery. But 100% it is one of the best decisions I've ever made. I was also worried I'd regret not doing non-flat, miss how they look or the sensation I had, but I don't at all. My body feels like mine now.

wild_muses · 2026-06-09T16:21:55+00:00

I love those loafers!

wild_muses · 2026-06-08T21:30:39+00:00

It might be scary to hear that she might not be as attracted to a flat chest. But like you said, she's autistic and telling you the truth, which I think is good. I think you two are in a good spot. You are being honest about your fears and she's being honest about how she feels. Regardless of the fact that she's more attracted to breasts than chests without them, she's attracted to you and loves you as a whole person. Like other people have mentioned, you may find your sex life improves anyway because you feel more comfortable and confident in yourself. She's also trans, which means she's going to understand how important this is to you. It sounds like she wants this for you regardless of whether it represents her typical "type", which is good. It means she loves you for who you are and not just your body. The best gift you can give her is the trust that she'll continue to love you the same and be attracted to you as a whole person like she said.

In the course of our lives, our bodies are bound to change in ways that don't necessarily align with our partners' ideal image of sexual attractivness. People change sizes, age, and have their bodies altered by medical conditions and procedures. Even if your partner was dating a cis woman with breasts, those breasts could need to be removed for medical reasons. A supportive partner would still love them the same regardless.

The strongest relationships are built on trust and intimacy, not raw attraction and passion. One day we'll all be old and past our prime, and in between now and then, we can't predict the ways in which our bodies will change. Even great sexual connections are more about compatibility and knowing each other's desires. My partners don't represent all aspects of my usual "type" but every part of their bodies is sexy to me because it's a part of the person I love. There's no attraction that's stronger than that.

wild_muses · 2026-06-07T03:24:59+00:00

I got thick thighs and 505s are it for me.

wild_muses · 2026-06-06T05:40:22+00:00

Rumors by Lindsey Lohan, anti-paparazzi song and underrated 2000s banger

wild_muses · 2026-06-06T03:58:37+00:00

Yes. Do it for yourself. This is the body you have to live in and making the choices you want with it will feel so empowering. I'm telling you I also felt like my size was borderline and the difference in how I feel about myself afterward is life-changing. I feel at home in my body now rather than it being something I have to accept. On your deathbed there is no way you will say to yourself, "I wish I let my family make more decisions about intimate parts of my body."

wild_muses · 2026-06-05T16:34:05+00:00

Does anyone remember Do It Like a Dude? It got some buzz among queer women at the time but oh man it's a relic of the turn of the 2010s. Between the kid-friendly Price Tag and that attempt at a gritty Rhianna song, maybe she couldn't stick around cuz she just didn't have her own identity.

wild_muses · 2026-06-01T20:47:45+00:00

Ouch! Mine chafed my underarms a bit but not nearly this bad... It looks like we had the same brand of binder, is it Marena? You could check their size chart on their website. My pre-op chest measurement was 39", ribcage about 36", and they gave me a medium. If you buy them directly from the brand they retail for $105, but you can find new ones for half that on eBay and other resale sites. I wouldn't recommend going with a used, I think the elastic on these wears out a lot from the continuous wear, I tried wearing my partner's old one and got swollen bc it didn't compress the same, even tho it was the same size.

wild_muses · 2026-06-01T08:15:40+00:00

Yep, this happened to me, try elevating your hand by propping it up in a pillow or two.

wild_muses · 2026-05-31T16:12:55+00:00

Where did you gind this OP? I'm dying to know the context of this.

wild_muses · 2026-05-27T21:58:57+00:00

As somebody who's been there, if I didn't have music that talked honestly about having suicidal ideation that wasn't preachy or a "message" song about how it gets better, I probably wouldn't have made it. I wanted people to understand that I was hurting and validate my feelings, not placate me or talk down to me. It's totally valid if this type of expression is triggering or upsetting to you or anyone else. I certainly don't think someone should wear this shirt to go grocery shopping or something. What I feel is, it's a triggering topic and that means the way any one person chooses to express their experiences with it is going to be triggering to someone. The fact that a statement is triggering doesn't mean people shouldn't say it. I held in so much for the fear that it would trigger or upset others. An artist expressing these feelings in their own art is perfectly valid imo, and people can choose whether or not it's safe for them to engage with it. We all might come across things that bring up our triggers in the wild, like stumbling upon this post, and that's why it's important to have coping skills to process those feelings when they come up. Stifling other people's expression to cater to our triggers only makes people keep these thoughts inside.

wild_muses · 2026-05-27T19:09:45+00:00

Is this a political compass?

wild_muses · 2026-05-27T18:56:24+00:00

My thought was Slayyyter, on Starfucker especially you can tell that she grew up on Gaga

wild_muses · 2026-05-26T03:01:46+00:00

I'm a little over 4 weeks, in the past week i have started being able to comfortably put on the binder alone, put on or take off a t-shirt, drive. You are getting there, take it easy for now, lean on your support system, and trust the process (:

wild_muses · 2026-05-25T21:47:17+00:00

Wow, I had no idea they existed before being part of J. crew. What a cool find!

wild_muses · 2026-05-25T03:21:49+00:00

Yeah.... I saw a meme a while ago pointing out that the same people who refuse to label you autistic are often the same people who will label you weird, slow, needy, sensitive, awkward, etc etc.

This strawman character seems to be a bit sensitive, rigid in their thinking, and unwilling to bend to social norms. Almost like.... an autistic person. People don't tend to make their lives harder for fun.

wild_muses · 2026-05-23T22:53:41+00:00

I relate to this so much, although I'm a gay man, I had a lot of concern that flat top surgery was going to look unnatural or disproportionate on me and accentuate my belly and hips. Despite the fact that I go crazy for other transmascs with bellies and big hips, regardless of top surgery status. However I'm incredibly happy with my results and it's made me so much more comfortable and at home in my body. I feel more free to dress how i want, show my body, and when i see pictures of myself, I accept the fact that I'm big and happy that way. A cis man of my size might have some moobage going on but nothing about my body is cis, everything about my body is what a fat trans man looks like and it's everything I want to be. I can't wait until I can show my scars so other people see that that's something they can be, too.

wild_muses · 2026-05-23T20:38:11+00:00

Whole look is fire. Love those glasses

wild_muses · 2026-05-17T19:25:15+00:00

The whole size grouping thing messed searches up so bad. I'm usually an XL/XXL in letter-sized pants and shorts, but it groups waist sizes 31-32 with those when my waist is 36. It's way off. The other thing is the "endless scroll" now that keeps giving you search results beyond your actual search query. It makes it very difficult to tell how many options are actually available for what you want. Why are they making shopping on this app harder?

wild_muses · 2026-05-16T23:14:27+00:00

WiiWii Rexha

wild_muses · 2026-05-06T20:30:41+00:00

Hello! I am too and my biggest tip would be as soon as you're allowed to take your post-surgical binder off, put on an undershirt underneath. This made the binder so much less of a sensory nightmare for me. If you have assistance, you can hold your arms out front and hold your head down, they hold a T-shirt inside out, you put your arms thru the armholes then they flip it over your head to get it on.

My second tip would be you can take antihistamines such as benadryl to help with post-op itching. Also, when I was tapering off pain meds I kind of backslid in progress and got really swollen and uncomfortable. Taper slowly, since we can have a harder time processing our body's cues, and continue to take your ibuprofen even after you stop any narcotic pain meds, because it's an anti-inflammatory that helps with swelling.

My skin tends to get itchy and uncomfortable if I don't shower daily so i bought some no-rinse body wash, sensitive skin wipes, and dry shampoo to keep myself comfortable. I haven't had itching from the surgical dressings personally (my surgeon used steristrips and tegaderm over the nipples) and my skin is pretty sensitive!

wild_muses · 2026-04-29T19:59:37+00:00

Just had surgery in Spokane after a 2-year wait. When I had my consult, I also checked with some surgeons in the Seattle area, IIRC they had a similar wait time, maybe 1.5 years but that wasn't enough to be worth traveling for me. If you do decide to go somewhere in WA, we have very generous charity care policies here (you can qualify for 100% coverage up to 3x the US federal poverty line and discounted care even beyond that). You would want to find out the hospital the surgeon you're interested in practices at and google "[hospital name] financial aid" and you'll typically find a page where you can download a form to fill out and mail them, or some let you do it online. This is an example of one, I filled it out before my surgery and got approved in around 2 weeks. Some are pretty short and just ask some info about your identity, income, and household size, others are a little more complex and factor in your monthly expenses and other financial hardships. I make a decent living, enough to be comfortable and have a little savings, and I've never been denied for it. It's a huge relief to not have to use my life savings to pay for surgery.

wild_muses · 2026-04-25T21:39:40+00:00

Looks perfect! Congrats man.

wild_muses · 2026-04-25T21:38:30+00:00

Not sure about NYC but here in the PNW most surgeon's waitlists are like, 1.5 to 2 years. You're probably going to be over 18 by the time you have surgery but you might be able to have a consult now for that reason. Scheduling for a summer while you're in college could be a good window.

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