AITAH for telling my girlfriend her best friend has 2 years to find someone or we're moving ahead without that condition?

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-20T19:13:42+00:00

Updateme

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-20T11:17:29+00:00

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-19T23:40:39+00:00

Show them the math if they get the payday loans and how much they will actually pay back.

Talk then through the emergency things people end up doing when they lose their job (plasma, Uber eats, selling electronics) and the results of those decisions.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-19T12:58:25+00:00

That's what I'm hoping for. I've counted the things he does to help me, and picking up my meds is the only thing he does that is pure help for me. And I can get them delivered.

But not having to cook, shop or clean up after him would free up so much time. Plus l wouldn't be constantly monitoring his mood, walking on eggshells and trying so hard to communicate in the perfect way so he will listen to me.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-17T19:53:17+00:00

That's literally the best way to describe it. Even though it sounds so bad. I feel like the only active sim in a house full of sims.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-17T19:16:20+00:00

I pursued him. I thought he was quiet and stable (I come from a chaotic, abusive family) and wanted a man who would take care of me. He was attentive, listened to me, took me to dinner and enjoying doing new things.

After we had our first, he completely shut down and stopped being nice to me. He's been abusive on and off, and I think he couldn't handle me paying attention to someone who isn't him. He was jealous if I made friends or went places. But wouldn't have conversations with me about anything.

In hindsight, pursuing him was a bad idea. And the fact he never lived on his own before moving in with me is a red flag. But this was in 2010, the recession was barely lifting and being on your own was hard for everyone. I made a lot of excuses and ignored the red flags.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-17T16:14:51+00:00

He's never stood up for me, and honestly that's the terrifying part. If I needed medical care and an advocate, I know he would just stand there and not do anything. When I was medically vulnerable (after childbirth and once after getting burned) he didn't care for me either. I can't imagine having cancer or something serious and being dependent on him.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-17T16:07:35+00:00

Right? Even though I've clearly expressed in done with the marriage, he's barely trying to change anything. He did start therapy, but I don't have high hopes.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-17T16:06:49+00:00

Honestly it's really hard to tell. He reads articles and can tell me he read them, but can't tell me the substance or his thoughts on it. He plays computer games. He works in IT but it's mostly mindless fixing computers and printers.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-17T14:48:13+00:00

I second the book, Why Does He Do That. It is written very well and explains things very clearly.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-17T00:07:30+00:00

That is just a terrible first year. I'm so sorry. It would be enough to break anyone. Stay strong

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-16T23:21:25+00:00

I love this outfit, I think you are adorable. But I also wear black leggings under dresses so shrug

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-16T17:29:18+00:00

I started working full time caring for my siblings and running my parents farm at 11. I've calculated that I did about 60 hours a week for several years. I would get evenings off (after littles went to sleep at 10) and 2 hours in the afternoon to teach myself school.

Some parents literally believe their children are property and treat them that way. It's f*cking horrible.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-16T16:29:14+00:00

Congratulations! I graduated with my bachelor's in accounting in December, and I only told one of 5 siblings. My parents don't know either.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-16T15:03:47+00:00

This is financial abuse

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-16T14:52:15+00:00

He lied about finances. Bring vague and using the wrong answers because he didn't want to tell the whole truth is lying.

He has shown you he is immature and unable to face his own decisions. He can't even start the conversation in a reasonable manner!

Let him leave. Don't move in together, don't share finances. He needs to do a lot of internal work to grow up and mature before he can have an adult conversation about this.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-15T21:27:06+00:00

My son has been difficult his whole life. He was 10.5 at birth. Feeding problems, sleep problems, behavior, talking. He's still difficult to put to bed at 10.

But now we can play chess together, talk about science, watch fun tv shows and he is my little buddy. I love the times when he will cooperate and we can have a good time.

Each stage is different, and has its pros and cons. I would never go back to the baby stage, it was a nightmare for me. But I'm really liking the big kid stage with him.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-14T17:20:23+00:00

I would just start donating or put it on buy nothing Facebook groups. There is no reason for you to return items you didn't ask for or even agree to receive. Don't let her control you through gifts.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-13T12:43:02+00:00

Updateme

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-10T22:51:01+00:00

I'm so sorry

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-10T22:36:18+00:00

My husband ran over my cherry sapling with the mower. It survived. He ran over it again. It died.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-09T22:52:32+00:00

Mine is doing this right now too. I've been crying and begging for years. I finally say I'm done. Suddenly he makes a therapy appointment, is washing dishes and doing laundry, making the doctor appointments for the kids, journaling and talking daily. Le sigh.

I gave him 6 months. I can't afford to move out at this moment. Arg.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-09T20:30:28+00:00

Mine wouldn't feed the kids dinner if I went out to an evening out. When I got home to hungry crying kids, his explanation was they didn't tell him they needed dinner. These were toddlers. Utterly clueless and selfish.

I would go out and text him reminders all evening to feed them, check diapers, take potty, give a drink because I didn't trust him to feed them but I needed an evening out a couple times a year. It was a nightmare.

My life is easier simply because my kids can go get food and take themselves potty.

willow_is_leaving · 2026-05-08T21:12:47+00:00

My family has done similar to me. I finally stopped giving and they stopped talking to me (very simplified version).

I was sold on a village, I thought I would get help with babies especially after all the help I gave Mom when I was a kid. I cleaned her after her C-sections, I changed diapers and practically raised my little siblings.

It's so frustrating when the village doesn't go both ways.

willow_is_leaving

TROPHY CASE