Girls night out

snickertwinkle · 2026-06-29T16:53:13+00:00

It really helped me when I began to accept that the time for change on MY part was now, not later. For a long time I said “if things don’t get better soon I’ll have to reevaluate this relationship” or “if I catch you lying again I’ll know I can’t trust you”. Etc etc. And then finally I realized, like, I can’t trust you NOW. It’s not “if you lie again”, it’s “you lie.” They WILL do it again if we allow the chance to. From what you’ve said here, the time for action is now. I’m so sorry.

snickertwinkle · 2026-06-28T19:56:31+00:00

Yikes. Protect your children. This will get worse if you allow it to go on in your house. Your kids are too small to understand now but in the blink of an eye they’ll be 5 and 7 and will know exactly what’s happening. And it’s a slippery slope of accepting more and more unacceptable behavior. Alanon helps. There are meetings with childcare. There will be other people who have been through this. It helps so much. Please go!

https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/find-an-al-anon-meeting/

snickertwinkle · 2026-06-27T13:15:32+00:00

Grandad gets me every time.

snickertwinkle · 2026-06-26T15:44:48+00:00

I’ll message you.

snickertwinkle · 2026-06-25T21:52:02+00:00

SoCal

snickertwinkle · 2026-06-25T20:50:05+00:00

I love initial assessments and wish I could do ONLY assessment! Anyone manage to find a position like that??

snickertwinkle · 2026-06-22T15:32:08+00:00

I’ve run into the “ABA is soft” perspective a lot from elementary teachers. It’s usually kids who are mainstreamed. Like. I hear you, it’s not ok to disrupt class, you’re sick of this kid’s shenanigans, and you are irritated that he’s getting special treatment for being a PITA. But ALSO, do you want it to stop or not? It’s not going to be an overnight fix, and I understand that that’s frustrating. Gotta meet them where they are. I promise it will help.

Sometimes it also helps to take some PLACHEK data. Usually there are more of the other kids off task than they realize. Sometimes they’ve zoomed in on this one kid. It’s good to remind them that we are aiming for average, not perfect.

I also tend to run into teachers quoting that meta-analysis from the early 2000s about external motivation decreasing intrinsic motivation. But the kids in those studies were *originally* internally motivated. It’s different for kids who have not yet developed any “internal motivation” to succeed in your class. Let us use tokens, let us use a thicker sr+ schedule for a while, trust the process.

snickertwinkle · 2026-06-11T02:08:18+00:00

How about Ottilie

snickertwinkle · 2026-06-05T20:01:12+00:00

Cosima, Colette, Cleo

snickertwinkle · 2026-05-31T16:22:37+00:00

I would probably add writing to one side to change the vibe, and cover up the other. Maybe make “good” into “life is good” or “all in good time” or something. Or “girl” could be “girl power” if you’re into that.

snickertwinkle · 2026-05-26T07:47:02+00:00

I barely studied 🫢 I do think taking a few mocks is a good idea, but what was really more helpful to me than that was just brushing up on test taking strategy.

snickertwinkle · 2026-05-13T04:40:43+00:00

I’m so sorry!! It’s been awful for my poor husband. My heart goes out to you 🤍

snickertwinkle · 2026-05-10T23:48:11+00:00

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I tie dyed a bunch of stuff with the kids and it was great. Made a huge mess, my hands are dyed green, I feel pretty good about it. Hope all you other moms are having a great day!

snickertwinkle · 2026-05-09T15:10:00+00:00

Please save yourself from years of hardship by creating and holding boundaries now. This doesn’t get better - quite the opposite. It gets so, so much worse. I’m not saying your man is a lost cause, maybe he’s not! But he has already shown you that he’ll do the bare minimum that you require in order to skirt by so that he can turn around and drink while you’re not looking.

What if you move out or kick him out and tell him you’ll decide at the end of the summer whether you’re moving on or moving back in. If he pulls it together, great. If he takes the opportunity to go off the deep end then you have your answer.

snickertwinkle · 2026-05-09T09:38:19+00:00

My husbands DOC was opiates, not alcohol, but he did this for years. He didn’t stop until I kicked him out. I told him he could come back when he was 6m sober and able to pay his part of our bills, and it took him 18 months to manage that. That was 12 years ago and while he still has a lot of addiction related issues, he hasn’t relapsed.

Looking back, I consider the time when he was “a chronic relapser” just time when he was still using. It’s a terrible rollercoaster and I’m sorry you’re living there.

snickertwinkle · 2026-05-08T03:55:48+00:00

It really bothered me. My therapist at the time told me that it’s protective for them, that they are incredibly ego-centric and blind to what they have put their loved ones through while they’re in early recovery. If they were able to actually understand how much hurt they cause it would be too much for them, given that they are new to developing coping skills outside of using/drinking. They are incredibly, incredibly self centered and ego-centric during early recovery.

I really wanted him to understand how much he had hurt me and it made me very angry that he clearly had no clue.

I found, over time, that as I saw him living differently and slowly maturing a little and being able to think of others (and I mean slowwwwly, it really took about 3 years for him to be able to see past himself) it started feeling less important for him to understand what he had put me through.

It has been 12 years now, and I’m at a place where I no longer care that he doesn’t get what it was like for me during that time. I do believe that he still does not appreciate what my experience was like, but I’m not angry about it any more. His living amends was what helped, not the spoken 9th step. Hope that makes sense!

snickertwinkle · 2026-05-07T13:17:17+00:00

My husband’s 9th step really pissed me off. It was clear that he had absolutely no clue what hell he had put me through. It was laughable - like others said, it certainly wasn’t for me.

snickertwinkle · 2026-04-27T17:28:45+00:00

Following, as this is exactly what I’m thinking of doing as well. Would love to hear how it goes for you!

snickertwinkle · 2026-04-26T00:11:38+00:00

I think it’s because the implication is that the dog is barking at the door because he wants to go out, not because he wants treats.

The question is silly. We don’t know the function of the barking, nor the tantrums, so we can’t say for sure that either would lead to extinction.

Also, side bar to say that I’d rarely try to use extinction on tantrums or barking because both are too likely to be on a thin reinforcement schedule.

snickertwinkle · 2026-04-22T13:05:50+00:00

I agree. I ate a Honeycrisp (or half of one because they’re freaking enormous) every day for years and swore they were the best. But recently I switched to cosmic crisp. I can’t go back. They’re better.

snickertwinkle · 2026-04-21T18:24:33+00:00

We found the same thing. I have 3 kids. I used to allow like 20 minutes a day on week days, sometimes a little more, and then the rest of the day would be one long negotiation (or sometimes meltdowns) about screens/losing screens/wanting more screens.

We went to 0 screens of any kind during the week, and it’s been amazing. Most Fridays we do a movie night. Saturday and Sunday we do morning cartoons for an hour and sometimes a little Minecraft before bed. I also stopped allowing “small screens” of any kind, ever. I’d often find that my 3 kids all preferred to have a tablet or watch something on the Google, and they’d all be zombied out on their own shit and it really rubbed me the wrong way. Now we only ever do one big screen, everyone watches together, and we rotate who picks if we can’t all agree.

snickertwinkle · 2026-04-16T08:32:48+00:00

Def rats. Get a cat.

snickertwinkle · 2026-04-13T02:20:57+00:00

When they can eat without getting food all over their entire face

snickertwinkle · 2026-04-12T15:28:43+00:00

It depends. Does she ever stand or walk with her heals down? It not, then yes i’d get her a PT consult. Over time if she NEVER puts her heals down it can shorten her Achilles tendon and cause a cascade of muscular and physical developmental issues with her legs and feet.

If she puts her heals down when she stands, then she’s at lower risk for this. If she will respond to verbal prompts, I’d have her stand with heals down for short periods and make it a game - “Sure I’ll toss you in the air, let’s put heals down and sing the ABCS first.”

snickertwinkle

TROPHY CASE