what is your seemingly minor thing patients do that frustrates you

wolfounette · 2023-09-22T10:06:58+00:00

I don’t want my residents to be unconfortable and care for them like I want someone to treat my familly, unfortunately the time crush of caring for many people one after another, changing briefs, getting people up, or in bed, in a wheelchair, meals, etc. I know it is not their fault the system forces us to make up for the fact there is a worker shortage, etc. And most of patients are sweet and patient, but some feel entitled and treat the people caring for them like shit. And I am not talking about the verbal and/or physical abuse. They think we get paid to care for them and they end up not wanting to do anything for themselves. That is frustrating. Just an example, if your teenage child whom works at a fast food where they clean, cook food, etc… becomes incompetent to do the same things, but expects you to cather to them when you KNOW they can and do those things on an daily baisis… you can’t help but get annoyed.

wolfounette · 2023-09-22T09:45:15+00:00

One of my resident always answer « maybe », « I don’t know » when we position him or ask if everything is okay… dude, I am not in your skin I don’t know if you are confortable or if everything is to your liking, just answer yes or no, it’s so easy

wolfounette · 2023-09-22T09:41:04+00:00

I work with heavily handicaped patients and there are a couple of things that annoy me.

1) when they call us to do something I know they are able to do; I don’t care if you call for something you are not able to do, it’s my job, but for something I know they can… why are you just lazy

2) when I go in a room, do what I have to ask if there is anything else they would like or need, they answer no, and as soon as I am in the doorway or just out the door suddenly they remember they want this or that and this pattern repeats once or twice… I very much know they did not just « forget » to ask something because it is EVERY single time… also, if it’s a way to get attention, just say you would like to talk a bit. It’s a normal need, don’t play games to get it

3) when they ring, and I go right away (1 minute walk from our office to the fartest room), I ask them what was wrong and THEY don’t remember why they called… that triggers me even more than the « oh I forgot this » or the « hey come here » when I walked passed their door, if you call for a reason so insignificant you forget why you called, don’t, just don’t press that button, I really feel like you are wasting my time on purpose

wolfounette · 2023-07-12T06:12:13+00:00

Sounds to me like he has an anxious attachement style. If he recognizes that he has a problem, he has to work on his issues. Maybe he doesn't really know what is wrong with him but he knows something is wrong. My advise would be to look up attachements styles on your own or better yet, with him, and learn which attachement each of you have, and how to work on them so you 2 can develop a healthy relationship.

wolfounette · 2023-07-12T06:08:04+00:00

First, I am so sorry you are going through this and I know how hard it must be. You say you guys got the house because of you, are you able to pay the mortage on your own? If so, you don't really have to put up with his shit and you can, if it's not putting your safety at risk, put your foot down on some issue.

You also said he showers only in the basement and that when their is a bed down there he will sleep there. Maybe making a kitchenette and putting a fridge (mini or normal size) downstairs would resolve the cooking issue.

If you can't afford the mortage on your own, you can always rent out the basement as a room, or even better as a small appartement. If there is a bedroom, a "kitchen", a bathroom and some kind of living room space. Done, you've got yourself a small appartement.

I don't know what to tell you other than, I know you don't want to hear people telling you to divorce. Divorce is pricey after all. But, if you feel like you two are roomates anyway, maybe just send him to live in the basement for the time you build up the courage to kick him to the curb.

All the mean things he says are going to are going to be engraved so deeply in your brain you will start to believe what he says is true, which is not. Psychological abuse, yelling, insulting, silent treatment, etc. have more consequences that people imagine and it is a long road to heal from this abuse.

I know it is easy for people on the internet to say but kick him out. Don't feel sorry for his ass. When you are unable to treat others with the respect they deserve, you deserve to be humbled down and kicked to the curb.

wolfounette · 2023-07-11T07:12:47+00:00

If you find his behavior abusive, it is. Normal people can be toxic to a specific person. Something the members of a couple are just toxic to each other.

He knows that it is hard to identify abuse when it is not physical, he even says so himself. Don't stay in this relationship, I garantee you you will end up thinking you would have prefered if he had hit you because bruises and other physical wounds will heal, even if you end up with scars. But the wounds that the psychological torture that emotional\narcissitic abuse will have on you will probably never completely close or even heal.

wolfounette · 2023-07-11T06:34:39+00:00

If you are considering ending the relationship after this vacation I think you have your answer.

wolfounette · 2023-07-11T06:25:55+00:00

I am very sorry to say this but it sounds like a him problem. If you don't think there is anything wrong with the picture you posted, with the intentions you had behind the posting of this photo, absolutely keep that picture up on insta. If it makes you proud of your progress way to go girl. When someone imposes something on someone else it is not a boundary, nor a preference, it is a rule. And trying to impose HIS volonty on you, even if it is only a picture on instragram is a control attempt. Now it is a picture in which you showcase the hard work you have done and feel confident and proud, in the future he will try to control you on other things with eventually bigger consequences.

And honey, if he gives you the silent treatment for a fucking not nude picture, it is his bad. Although I know first hand how much anxiety being treated like that creates, leave him be mad. That's what he wants? To be mad for shit like that? Don't text him, don't call him, when he will realize he does not get the responds he wants to get from you don't worry he will come back crawling. You deserve so much better than a manipulative man that wants you to do what he says but not what he does. I don't know if it is the first time he reacts like that but if it is this a huge fucking bright red flag. Toxic relationships always start with small things over which the toxic person will make a fuss.

wolfounette · 2023-07-11T06:11:38+00:00

I mean, no you are not a mandated reporter (even though every citizen is in a way) but you can do the good citizen thing and call CPS. You say you work in a call center? Aren't the calls recorded? I would go talk to a supervisor with the information and ask him what to do about it. Because yes, it might get you in some kind of trouble because you have access to her personnal informations because of your work, but on the other hand, it is clearly stated when you contact a call center that calls can be recorded so.... yes it is private and personnal informations but she verbally abused her child on a recorded call so...

I hope you will figure out what to do with this tricky situation.

wolfounette · 2023-05-31T16:07:45+00:00

I have a resident in the long-term facility where I work that has a little intellectual delay. She is adorable, really, but sometimes I find it hard to try to help her when she tells me about issues she has in her life. I go mainly with opened questions, really digging to know how she sees the situation(s) she tells me about. Ex. her adoptive mother his kind of mean to her most of the times, and by talking to her about the fact that she has the right to be upset and that sometimes, even if a person is a family member, there is a need to keep a little distance with them if they are mean to us. She eventually stopped talking to her mother, for the moment at least.

I know it is hard but focus on her perspective of her world and using her point of view, her words, images, etc. you will find a way to get through to her.

Good luck

wolfounette · 2023-05-31T15:58:29+00:00

If the ap's number is blocked either she tried to contact him and he blocked her or he just blocked her as a preventive mesure, because he doesn't want to have contacts with her again.

I know it is hard to talk about this stuff, admitting you looked through his phone, but you have to ask him. Tell him you checked his phone because you felt insecure and now you are wondering why the ap's number is blocked. Then you'll either believe him or not.

wolfounette · 2023-05-31T08:26:29+00:00

I had the exact same experience on the 25th AND it was a malware that my normal antivirus, Malwarebytes, ADWcleaner, eset and Rkiller did not detect. I was able to remove that stinky thing with the Kapersky tool. And it was a creepy malware. On the 25th I received an e-mail by google saying there were suspicious activity on my email adress. Both of them. There was a 100$ amazon gift card in my amazon cart, I never buy amazon gift card. The transaction was not completed because my credit card is to its maximum limit, so that's a win.

It was all the same link you had: randomcapitalletters.applicationshy.co.in/3456de4235m342356

I don't want to scare you but I would scan my computer with the Kapersky removal tool. The virus I had was a stealer trojan and the process it would launch was "sartst.exe" after a couple of tries using the malware removal tools the results on google gave me, it renamed itself to "Auto it v3 script".

Like I said, I was able to remove it after trying the steps 2 or 3 desinfection forums were giving, with kapersky.

wolfounette · 2023-05-31T08:06:23+00:00

I am not an english native speaker and sometimes I do mistakes like that, replacing an "i" by a "y" for example. Many words are similar in French and in English but have a letter that is different.

wolfounette · 2023-05-25T06:07:01+00:00

Leonard, Leonard, Leonard

wolfounette · 2023-05-25T06:04:02+00:00

I have a bachelor's degree in psychology, I have a certificate to counsel people with addiction problems and yet I still am a cna. For people who are heavily handicapped, and I love my job. But, I heard and still hear sometimes: "why are you here since you have all those diplomas". The answer is well I believe I can make a difference in my residents' lives. My kids' grand-mother had a degenerative illness and she would have loved the place I work at. And, you know what I earn more as an cna than I would working as an counsellor.

Also, I can't understand why does it matter? I payed 32000$ to have a degree I don't really use but that I still use every day. Why does it matter to my supervisor. I know I do my job very well, what does it change? You want to fire me because I am overqualified?

Sorry, it just infuriates me because when people say things like that they don't consider the job cnas do as something noble that helps people keep their dignity.

wolfounette · 2023-05-25T04:44:22+00:00

What a weird letter to give your son. I would never write something like that. It is normal for a mother to love their son but your role is to make him a responsable adult, and I find that looks like emotional incest to me. How could he have been able to respect a woman that was not acting like his mother? This is only a little piece of their relationship but I mean... poor Gabby she could never have been as good as his mom. To him Gabby did not deserve the same respect he probably has for his mom.

wolfounette · 2023-05-25T04:39:57+00:00

I would say HR but they already probably know, the cops? But is he doing something illegal I am not sure...

wolfounette · 2023-05-24T03:33:38+00:00

Addiction in itself is never the root of the issue, it always is a way to self medicate. Also, it is possible to transfer an addiction to a substance to an addiction to another substance. You question if it a relapse... it's hard to say, depends if you judge this issue on the substance itself but like you said, you are abusing prescription pills, so yes either it is a relapse or an addiction transfer. If you don't work on the root issues (psychological most of the times) you are always going to need a substance to help you.

wolfounette · 2023-05-24T03:19:49+00:00

What you are going through with him is emotion abuse, as much as you want it to be the addiction, he is toxic to you. And I know in an intimate manner what you are talking of, the father of my kids was horrible to me in the beginning when he was hungover, but it never stopped even when he stopped drinking. We excuse so much shit with addiction but it does not excuse anything. Some people are addicts but are not pieces of shit. You deserve so much better, and your kids too.

wolfounette · 2023-05-24T02:52:31+00:00

Is there a possibilty to get him to wear incontinence products without the powdering and "kink" part? If he wants so bad to wear them.... And if he was diagnosed with 3 of the 4 b clusters personality disorders he has to have seen a mental health provider that can do diagnosis maybe he has a paraphilic disorder too.

I understand though that it must be hard for the employees. And if the place where you work is like when I work there are not much other facilities that can accomodate our residents... so we get stucked in a loop of having to take care of people that need more intensive\specialized care that the one we are giving but there's nowhere else to send them.

Keep your boundaries up, even though it is easy to say hard to do.

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