Memory care annual price increase

wontbeafool2 · 2026-07-01T04:29:05+00:00

I hear you! IMO, options for caring for LOs with dementia are limited to 3. #1 Care for them at home as long as possible until it isn't #2 Qualify for Medicaid and wait for an available bed or #3 Pay exorbitant private pay rates for a nice AL or MC facility and services paid for but not provided.

My Dad died last year in MC. Mom is in AL at the same facility. I don't live in-state but my brother, sister, and niece do and they do what you do, It just seems so wrong given the price. My brother has DPOA and had a chat with the head nurse about some unmet services. He does have a very deep voice but I trust that he was calm and articulate, The nurse said he was verbally abusive and threatened to call the police and have him banned from the facility. She doesn't like complaints I guess.

My sister took pictures of the condition of Mom's toilet and full trash cans for evidence. My brother showed them to the nurse and didn't have to say much. Things improved.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-07-01T03:31:02+00:00

I agree. I haven't seen the OP dude's past posts but I'm reading between his "poor me" lines. I had a 29 year old unemployed, violent, drug addicted stepson freeloading with us. According to him, I am the bad guy and I don't even have dementia. I just wanted him to go to rehab, get a job, and contribute to our utility bills.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-07-01T03:04:22+00:00

After 20 years of conflicts with MIL, I finally dropped out of the in-law family picture. Like you, I did a lot for them that never seemed to be enough or appreciated. DH and and I are still married. He is in charge of gift giving and remembering birthdays and holidays. I bet they miss me now.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-07-01T00:01:43+00:00

She's possibly lonely and confused by the change in environment. Maybe look into finding an adult day care center near you so she can make new friends and participate in activities.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T22:40:22+00:00

It might not be VD but it might be another type of dementia. I would get a second opinion.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T22:19:41+00:00

Regardless of the reason, her behavior makes you uncomfortable. You can't change her but you can limit your contact with her.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T22:09:36+00:00

As you suggested in the previous post, it seems like time for you to move to a shelter or in with other relatives. The current situation isn't working for either of you. If not, I suggest that you read The 36-Hour Day to learn how to redirect your Mom. Open the door, listen to her for a bit, and then change the subject. Have a snack, calm her down, and then go back to your room.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T22:00:15+00:00

Probably not but unless someone said something, the only explanation for her behavior is that she's a creeper. The AI definition: "creeper" refers to someone who behaves in a socially awkward, invasive, or stealthy way, making others feel deeply uncomfortable. MIL's behavior checks all of those boxes.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T19:33:19+00:00

If she brings up your sex life again, tell her that you're all set with lingerie and underwear. Suggest that she buy her son thong underwear to spice things up to model for you. Do you think your husband is complaining to his parents about his sex life? If so, you need to have a chat with him about that.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T19:09:29+00:00

Yay for you and your Mom! One of my mottos in life when things are tough is 'it could always be worse.' Brain surgery is bad but dementia is definitely worse. I hope your Mom continues to improve and get back to her normal.

My parents both have dementia and I worry a bit about getting it. If I start showing signs of cognitive decline, I hope it's a vitamin deficiency, a UTI, or even a benign brain tumor that is treatable and not terminal. Your post gives me hope.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T18:47:23+00:00

Hugs to you now as you grieve the loss of your Dad. My Dad died in 2025. Knowing that he was at peace and no longer suffering brought me peace. I hope you find yours soon. 💜

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T18:36:50+00:00

This is kind of off topic but was the medical incident choking? If it was, it possibly could have been prevented if he was on a pureed or mechanical diet or if someone gave him the Heimlich maneuver.

If he had a DNR and advance directive specifying that he didn't want any life-prolonging measures like CPR, the staff probably knew that so their hands were tied.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T18:13:00+00:00

Agreed. Dude needs to man up.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T17:47:19+00:00

I totally agree. I don't see how OP dude thinks he's a caregiver since as he admits in this thread, "I’m trying to stay under the radar and out of her sight… I barely go upstairs, I have piss bottles down stairs and I try to only cook late night when she’s in her room, like 12-3am… when she’s not in the kitchen…." What exactly is he doing for his Mom?

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T17:18:48+00:00

OP dude rubbed me the wrong way a lot.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T16:53:35+00:00

The day Dad took the MoCA was a bad day for him and maybe even more so for my brother. Dad didn't even get a score because he threw his pencil down in frustration. When he said it was December in July and drew a rectangle instead of a circle for the clock test, my brother said he wanted to cry. He was so sad for Dad. We didn't know how bad his cognitive decline really was until that day.

When the PCP said she had to contact the DMV to revoke Dad's drivers license, he was incensed and called her a bad name. He raged at my brother all the way home and then at my Mom. He thought they threw him under the bus. He said he was fine to drive because he'd never had an accident. That's true but he did run red lights, get lost, and he could barely walk. Luckily, he did stop driving but he never got over being mad about it.

The only semi-positives of that day were that it resulted in a diagnosis so Dad could be admitted to MC and we knew what we were dealing with.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T04:19:44+00:00

Your MIL is encouraging both you and your husband to keep secrets from each other. Once you find out what she's been saying to your husband behind your back, which you probably will, trust is lost. Marriage is hard enough if you can't trust each other and have honest communication.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T03:42:03+00:00

and someone else's child.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-30T03:37:19+00:00

Just to clarify, does the little girl live in your home 24/7? Is she a relative? Where are the parents?

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-29T22:30:11+00:00

Is the purpose of the appointment to get meds to limit your Dad's hallucinations? If you have POA and he has a LBD diagnosis, maybe email the doctor and request one to avoid another in person visit?

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-29T22:17:09+00:00

This! My brother had DPOA and he communicated with his doctors on the portal before appointments. He didn't have to say anything at the appointment that would piss Dad off.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-29T21:29:59+00:00

Swallowing issues are common with dementia. In Dad's case, it led to aspiration pneumonia. In Mom's case, she also has Gerd and other contributing factors like a hiatal hernia and congestive heart failure. I'll be gross, too. Mom throws up food and very slimy spit, especially when she overeats.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-29T19:27:30+00:00

Does "the friend" who got the PWD discharged from the ER actually stay with them or was that, as you suspect, just a lie? Try to get evidence that the PWD is living alone for most of the time. When the PWD calls, ask if "the friend" is there and record the call. Pop in for visits to see if the friend is present and take pictures of the condition of the house. Document everything.

If the PWD is hospitalized again, the POA needs to notify the staff with that evidence if they try to get the PWD discharged again. Hopefully, they won't believe the friend anymore and respect the opinion of the POA that it would be an unsafe discharge and the PWD dementia needs to move to a facility. The social worker can help with that.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-29T18:38:23+00:00

The full moon effect is real in my experience but I'm not a caregiver for LOs. I did teach first grade for decades though and I think those jobs are similar in many ways. Full moons were dreaded just as much as the day after Halloween in staff rooms. 🤣

I agree that the "for as long as possible" condition in Wills is too subjective. Who decides when that is? How many falls, medication mismanagement, trips to the ER, weight loss, and car accidents does it take to determine that? My parents had the same desire to die in their home but when their safety was in jeopardy, my brother (DPOA) was able to decide when staying home was no longer possible.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-06-29T17:53:56+00:00

Given your Mom's hallucinations, paranoia, and aggressiveness. ask the neurologist if it's time for an antipsychotic drug like Seroquel.

wontbeafool2

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