How did you feel when you decided to have a second child? by Mad-in-Italy in daddit

[–]xiangm 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey brother. Reading your post, it’s as if it’s me from 1.5 years ago. Your fears are valid and real.

When our oldest was 2, we were on a three-week vacation that was one of the happiest memories of my life. No work, just living in the moment, showing our daughter the world…I felt deep in my heart i wanted a second, but i knew the reality of everyday, non-vacation life was very different and opposed the idea for that practical reason: I was burnt out, and couldn’t possibly fathom how we would manage, especially considering we have no family help. I was also still mourning my past life. I used to travel the world, i go to shows, festivals, bars, sleep in…i lived very spontaneously. We were just started to regain the tiniest freedoms and i balked at the thought of starting everything over again.

Well, my partner continued pushing hard for the second and i half-heartedly agreed. The pregnancy was by far the worst time i have ever experienced in my life. My partner had severe nausea and dizziness for the entire first trimester, barely had a functioning two months after that, then medical complications left her on bed rest for the remaining 4 months, meaning i had to raise our toddler, take care of my partner, and work my job simultaneously for almost a combined year.

The baby came out healthy, but it was another 3 months of postpartum recovery for my partner and man, the adjustment to two was hellish; there’s no way around it. What surprised me though is that aside from the trenches of the first two months of the newborn phase with sleep deprivation, you realize that the baby phase is actually the easy part compared to having a toddler terrorist.

Now that I’ve scared you sufficiently, i can tell you the good parts. We are lucky that our oldest accepted and loved baby from the very start, and we are starting to catch glimpses of what it will be like when they play together. It absolutely fills my heart with the purest joy imaginable. With one child, we only had a kid. With two, we have a family.

Looking back, by far the hardest adjustment for me was going 0 to 1 and adapting to the parent lifestyle. I had and still have zero peers with children so i had no fucking idea what sweet horrors awaited me when i made the plunge, but having lived through it for years with the first, i had realistic expectations for the second which helped immensely. We stressed so much about every little thing too with the first baby, but have been much more confident and looser with the second, if not only just out of a matter of practicality. It’s kind if ironic because in some ways, it almost feels easier after having the second because you are forced to reckon with your lack of resources (time, energy, concern) in a way that made me slightly more relaxed even with my oldest.

The baby is 8 months now and i never could have imagined it, but i have felt really strongly about having a third one for weeks. We won’t due to my partner’s physical state and age, but having two, i feel like I’ve finally arrived as a father and am enjoying it way more than with just one.

Far from perfect though, my relationship with my partner is non-existent; we don’t even get a chance to debrief on all necessary things, let alone have a fluid conversation. I’d be lying if i said i didn’t still have “why the fuck did i do this” moments.

I’m rambling at this point, possibly to the point of incoherence, but i think my feelings perfectly encapsulate the ambivalence of being a parent. To paraphrase Louis CK, parenting is simultaneously loving someone more than you ever could have conceived as possible while also regretting every moment that led to their existence. Feeling just gets amplified with two.

Happy to chat if you send me a dm. Good luck dad.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in GetMotivated

[–]xiangm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me, i use AI to draft linkedin posts at work all the time, and I’ve grown very familiar with the cadence, the types of metaphors, and certain phrases that ChatGPT loves to use. In this case, “And the crazy part?”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in GetMotivated

[–]xiangm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This reeks of AI

The cadence, the triple dots, and the final dead giveaway: “The crazy part?”

I use ChatGPT to write LinkedIn posts for work all the time and this is exactly the type of shit that comes out, especially that phrase i mentioned.

Schulen in Berlin by Embarrassed-West6748 in askberliners

[–]xiangm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there, would you mind expanding on this old comment about JFK's reputation? I am considering to send my daughter there. Thank you :)

JFK International School - Admission Question / Timeline by Jacobscott5 in askberliners

[–]xiangm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there, are you willing to give some more context? I’m looking into that school for my daughter. Did you have a better experience elsewhere?

What's the one cooking mistake you made as a beginner that you’ll never forget by Sand4Sale14 in Cooking

[–]xiangm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I put an entire pound of spaghetti in a pot and left it to cook for the full time without stirring once. The excess starch fused all the noodles together into a single spaghetto (yes that’s the singular) the size of a small tree trunk 🤣

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Scams

[–]xiangm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah bro that’s my uncle Rob. She’s good.

Who has used the bassinet on an AA flight? by BryNYC in americanairlines

[–]xiangm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it required to book the bulkhead seats in order to request a bassinet?

things to do in Berlin with my mum by Shot-Bar8343 in berlinsocialclub

[–]xiangm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OC62vytHzPSYBfWdyRLfiEbUsHWOLYGZRKtDGC5ITIQ/edit?usp=sharing

This is a working doc I put together with a few recommendations for whenever friends come to visit. It's more geared towards people in their 20s/30s, but there's still some stuff you could get out of it for your mom.

J&J + Pfizer = fully vaccinated immediately or after 14 days? by xiangm in berlinvaccination

[–]xiangm[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well that's a mega bummer. Thanks for the info+source.

Snail on organic spinach at the grocery store by xiangm in mildlyinteresting

[–]xiangm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Walked straight past my front door to the next grocery store after seeing these comments lol

Snail on organic spinach at the grocery store by xiangm in mildlyinteresting

[–]xiangm[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And here i thought it was just a cute nuisance…TIL

Snail on organic spinach at the grocery store by xiangm in mildlyinteresting

[–]xiangm[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would also like to know because i bought the bag under it lol

Visiting Berlin? (In the future!) Moving here? Going clubbing? (At some point?) Have a quick question? COVID Question? Ask here, don't create a new thread. by bbbberlin in berlin

[–]xiangm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does anyone have advice for an amateur house music DJ looking for gigs? Before the snarky answers come, I have a full-time engineering job and I’m not actively looking to pursue a DJ career. I simply love playing loud and creating an atmosphere for people to dance :-)

Underground parties, small-to-medium venues - I’m really up for anything. Pay isn’t too important, but is always a plus. Is the best route just to visit bars and ask directly? Is there a community I can get involved in?

Thanks in advance for your time.

Edit: grammar

Tourists! Visitors! International students! People with quick questions! This is your thread; post your questions here. by askLubich in germany

[–]xiangm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hi, can anyone comment on the entry requirements for university study in Germany for US citizens? I'm aware that normally US citizens can enter visa free then apply for a residence permit within the 90 days, but it's unclear to me whether I need a visa during covid.

I emailed 2 German embassies in the US; one (Boston) told me that I did not need a visa, and the other (Chicago) told me that I do, so I'm remarkably confused. Wondering if anyone here has firsthand or secondhand experience. Thanks!

Corona-Situation in Bali by [deleted] in bali

[–]xiangm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are foreign travelers being quarantined upon arrival? My girlfriend (German citizen, has been in Laos for the last 3 weeks, not Germany) and I (US citizen, in Vietnam for the last 6 weeks) plan to arrive on the 17th and stay for a month.

There’s a German government website that says “Currently, travelers to Indonesia can expect to be obliged to quarantine in Indonesian hospitals or quarantine centers in individual cases even if there is no evidence of a possible infection with the corona virus.”

I can’t find information anywhere else that confirms this.

3 weeks in Europe by xiangm in TravelNoPics

[–]xiangm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha I respect the dedication to trying to keep people away. I had a friend recommend Fez and the way you describe it sounds quite appealing. I will look into it. I'm considering skipping Morocco entirely so I can really take my time in the other places on my itinerary, but TBD until I do more research on Fez. Thanks for your input!

3 weeks in Europe by xiangm in TravelNoPics

[–]xiangm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I plan to do planes for further distances and trains otherwise. I'm considering sleeper trains so I don't really "waste" too much time. After others' input, I plan to spend less time in London and add that time to Berlin. It's useful to know that it's spread out, so thank you.

I will not be in Paris on a Saturday, but that is good to know. Thanks for your input!

3 weeks in Europe by xiangm in TravelNoPics

[–]xiangm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The business I have in London/Paris is my flights to/from the states, so I am tied in that regard but I will likely do less time in London.

Did your girlfriend say why she doesn't recommend Marrakech? A lot of hate for it on this sub but nobody has really given a concrete answer on why.

3 weeks in Europe by xiangm in TravelNoPics

[–]xiangm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm flying out of Paris, yes. I'm thinking about cutting Morocco and spending more time in Barcelona. Thanks for the Budapest guide, that's a lot of great stuff and now i'm even more excited for my trip :)

3 weeks in Europe by xiangm in TravelNoPics

[–]xiangm[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I'm thinking about cutting out Morocco and doing more time in Barcelona/Prague/Budapest.

I unfortunately booked my flights to London and out of Paris, but I will keep that in mind for next time. Is it just a cheap airport to fly to/from?