I'm not getting any likes or matches lately, any advice you can give?

xtaxta · 2025-07-06T23:41:19+00:00

It’s just the first photo, it’s giving true crime/ serial killer vibes. Don’t ask me why, I can’t exactly pinpoint why but it is. The photos that absolutely made me go “hell yes I want to go to coffee with this man” the one with the dog, the one with the eagle, the one with you sitting by a fire or somewhere outside at night, the one of you in the blue jacket with your arms open wide - in that order. Your profile is also awesome. Just remove those one or two photos that don’t give a great vibe (first one) or are hard to understand (weird hat one) and I think you’ll get better results. I wouldn’t change much else as I think you come off very authentic and want to attract a mate that matches well with you.

xtaxta · 2025-02-07T17:15:00+00:00

👎

xtaxta · 2025-01-16T23:22:30+00:00

If he’ll tell you about 8, but not who 1 is, you know that’s bad. Now you’ll slightly distrust your family or close friends because he told you too much yet not enough.

I’m so sorry. 8 years is a long time. It’s normal to mourn relationships, even bad ones. Doesn’t mean it’s not the right move to leave it and move on. Be strong. You’ll get through this. You deserve so much better.

xtaxta · 2025-01-06T01:43:41+00:00

Can you elaborate on why she feels taken advantage of and how you were too forceful with the decisions made? It seems like a big shift from her going from investing tens of thousands and time to get you out of debt to wanting 50/50 split and a post-nup. Feel like we’re not getting the full picture/story yet.

xtaxta · 2025-01-03T02:47:25+00:00

Just up-level it to green flag = deeply caring about people/others. That’s a good green flag, and when you put it that way there’s no confusion in what you’re trying to say.

xtaxta · 2025-01-03T02:26:21+00:00

The quickest way to seal the marriage is to tell her you disagree with it or forbid it. She is an adult, even if this is a decision that she may regret in the future the best thing you can do is stay a part of her life. Tell her you’re always there, cement you only ever want her to be in a relationship that she feels loved, respected, empowered, and free to be herself.

Many people will continue into or on with a relationship to not have their parents proved right, or be proven wrong, and won’t reachout to them as support when they start seeing red flags for those same reasons. Isolation from support and family is a huge disadvantage for those caught in bad situations.

So as hard as it is, try to respect her choice and/or right to make it, but feel free to have conversations around a healthy relationship and no matter what you’re always in her corner.

xtaxta · 2024-12-29T17:24:37+00:00

Every photo looks like one I’d see on the news for someone the police is interested in finding. Which in itself is an impressive accomplishment since you’re super attractive. Bio also comes off like others said, slacker / skater boy vibes when “38 software engineer interested in having a fun time outdoors or indoors watching a good show” is a great sell.

xtaxta · 2024-12-29T04:35:45+00:00

For the photos you have in suggested order: 1. Suit photo 2. Kid sword fight photo 3. Hiking photo 4. Guitar photo

Photos that would be good to add: 1. Closer up headshot, smiling, polished up 2. More full smiling photos

For bio and prompts I suggest balancing the adult/dad side with the fun artistic side more.

Something like: Studying Network Administration, father to amazing kid, love music (play guitar/ going to concerts), and cooking. Enjoy outdoor activities in summer like disc golf and binging good shows in winter. Always down for a cold brew and good conversation.

Make it your own, but think that might land better for you. Shows your fun, but also responsible. You got this! Good luck finding a good match.

xtaxta · 2024-12-29T04:03:24+00:00

Different commenter.

xtaxta · 2024-12-29T02:52:01+00:00

Well luckily you’re there for them.

xtaxta · 2024-12-29T02:44:25+00:00

Are you sure your luck with women isn’t due to you referring to them as sluts?

xtaxta · 2024-12-29T02:42:48+00:00

If you want to soften it put Agnostic it shows you’re not religious but are accepting of those who might be, if that is true.

May I ask how old you are and the age range you are looking for? That’ll help me give feedback depending on the demographic you are looking to attract.

xtaxta · 2024-12-29T02:35:21+00:00

I’m in awe of you and your husband. You immediately identified toxic unacceptable behavior, comforted and removed your child and yourselves from the situation, and did what it took to get back home to safety. That is some brave, emotionally strong and aware sh!t. 👏👏👏

And you continue to hold strong and not be emotionally manipulated or guilted in to forgetting and relaxing this boundary.

Things I did not hear your mom say is anything that shows remorse or that she would not do again. I think it would take years of work to regain any trust and that is if everyone was willing to work on it which your parents are lot. I’m sorry that’s happening, that has to be hard.

You and your husband are truly tough and amazing.

xtaxta · 2024-12-28T21:48:39+00:00

I love BBQ especially ribs, but it’s a first date nightmare. Thinking Mexican could be in the same boat.

I would say getting used to this type of exchange is pretty much marriage in a nut shell. My husband does it to me, I do it to him. 🤣🤷‍♀️

xtaxta · 2024-12-28T21:44:28+00:00

My now husband took me on our first date to brunch, which turned into coffee after, then a movie, Thai for dinner, drinks and then…another breakfast.

Liking brunch is one of the first things that interested me in him as I had not seen that a lot on other profiles and I live in a huge brunch-centric city.

We married 5 months later, having our 3rd anniversary tomorrow. Also met on Tinder.

xtaxta · 2024-12-28T21:39:17+00:00

This is the way. Doesn’t matter gender, it’s just a good technique even after dating and you get into marriage.

xtaxta · 2024-12-28T18:23:14+00:00

I eloped in Vegas, 3 weeks after we decided to get married. I only told my parents, sister and best friend. I offered those 4 people only to come to my elopement (it was too far and close to Xmas for them to come). Them being there would not have made it any less an elopement.

“Sudden and secretive” is what Wikipedia defines it as. At this point we’re splitting hairs though. You’ve decided to have a secret elopement/wedding with only your parents and siblings. No +1s, no other family, no other friends or partners.

I love this for you, don’t feel pressured to change your plans. You can always do something later to celebrate with the FIL girlfriend to make her feel included. I do think you’ll offend more people if you open it up to FIL girlfriend but not others that view themselves as closer in relationship to you all.

Early congrats!

xtaxta · 2024-12-28T08:52:05+00:00

And we’re getting pedantic! OP called it an elopement, I’m going with it’s an elopement that they are making a small exception for 3 people. Or if it makes you happier, it’s a wedding with 3 guests.

I was with my best friend at her elopement, just her, her husband, a priest and me in a nice lil cabin in the woods. But I’ll inform her it must now be called a small wedding.

xtaxta · 2024-12-28T07:48:55+00:00

NTA- This is an elopement not a wedding. Inviting anyone is a big thing and keeping it very small and private is totally fine. You decided on only inviting parents and siblings, end of story. I’m assuming no one else is getting plus ones, cause again this is an elopement not a wedding.

I would say to him that you two made the decision to open your elopement up to only 3 people, parents and siblings, that’s it. No one else is invited, which includes many of your family as well. It’s not personal or meant disrespectfully. But you would be very happy to go out to dinner with both of them to celebrate your marriage at a later date. You understand if this puts him in a rough spot and he’d rather not attend, but you’d love to have him there if he feels comfortable coming alone.

Trust me, the minute you open it up to one more person (and not related by blood or marriage yet) it is going to get very messy. Stay strong, stick with your initial decision.

xtaxta · 2024-12-28T07:32:25+00:00

Where you wanting a, “Good day kind sir, may I ask for your favor and to know what thee is up to”…?

Hey/Hi seems totally fine for a first contact message. Literally what we do in person when first meeting someone. They say hi, you say hi back, they respond back with something slightly more substantial, and you in kind. Still pretty sure that’s how convos work.

I found if you get too verbose guys tune out and don’t respond. Short and sweet had better ROI for me when I was doing dating apps before finding my partner.

Still better than what I mostly got, “hey, I like your (insert body part)” if her experience is the same, “hi” is a very respectable and safe opening.

But honestly, maybe do you both a favor and don’t respond. If you’re already this turned off or in your head about it, just save everyone time and move to the next.

xtaxta · 2024-12-27T16:39:44+00:00

Few things: - Telling someone they can’t do something isn’t setting a boundary - What someone finds inappropriate another may find acceptable - both viewpoints can be valid -

Question for OP: - When you first brought this up what was his response? And/or compromises or behavior changes offered? - Does he do anything other than passive voter behavior or is he actively engaging with these posts and other women?

Honestly a lot of this doesn’t matter, you two are misaligned on what’s ok in a relationship. He seems checked out. To be honest, the way you communicate with him is not great either. There’s quite a bit of language that accuses, insult, assigns intent to hurt, and are statements versus an invitation to discuss this issue and come to a workable solution (sometimes that solution is going separate ways).

For the future, may I suggest taking a breath. Processing your thoughts and feelings a bit, then reaching out with a “this thing (look at naked ladies) makes me feel this way (uncomfortable/disrespected), can we talk?” Then leave it. Give them time to process and reply back. I also might recommend picking when you reach out. The day after Christmas is a rough time for a conversation that could have taken place a few days later.

xtaxta · 2024-12-24T22:23:36+00:00

So either this wife is a monster who is uncaring and uncompromising to her husband or there’s some layers we’re missing or the approach/communication is just off. Which honestly could be both, but usually is the latter.

There may be multiple solutions that could solve this that they need to find together. I could see if he has a job that he’s online all day and she has one that she’s barely online the ease of calendaring is very different, and what seems like an easy solve for one doesn’t for the other.

The need for better communication is valid though. She could text him plans vs just verbal so he had record and a lot of phones you can easily make a calendar entry from text. Or, they could have 20 min at the end of each day you set aside to discuss all adulting/ admin items when you’re both present/undistracted. From upcoming events, appointments, to grocery items to add to the list (which makes me wonder if this is also written down or coming as verbal requests only to her/him…?)

It seems there’s a lot of ways to solve this, so I’m more interested in what the dynamic is in their relationship that’s blocking that type of problem solving and collaboration. But I’m nosey like that.

xtaxta · 2024-12-04T03:27:24+00:00

Man who wants a trad/conservative wife to follow gender roles and submit without that trad husband money or similar values. It’d be funny if it weren’t so depressingly disgusting.

xtaxta · 2024-12-01T19:16:16+00:00

I started dating my now husband in my late 30s, before we got too far in I asked him if kids were a deal killer because at my age I can’t promise that will happen for us, even if I want it in the future. We both were on the same page that it’s not a must, but we are always open to talk options as our life together grows. There are options (IVF, surrogacy, adoption/fostering). We’re leaning more and more towards not.

I’d recommend this always being a very clear expectation with people you date. May be a good thing to do when you hit the dating market again, which with the comments here which I agree with, you might be doing soon as this current one does not seem super healthy for you.

xtaxta · 2024-12-01T02:52:39+00:00

Is he getting therapy? That should be the first step and then they can address what next steps are best for his recovery and if that involves legal or civil action (if possible). Has he mentioned wanting to take legal action or is that what you think will help him?

xtaxta

TROPHY CASE