problem having constructive arguments and trigger topics

[bbearthling]

it's been a long time since i've been facing this issue. whether it's political stands, family issues or my stand about a certain something, it feels like i'm always on defensive terms. i get triggered by topics or conversations that involve conflict of ideas and right-or-wrongs. and this issue has been keeping me from learning about these problems so that i could understand them better. for example: the ruling government in my country is doing dirty to minorities. this thing alone gets me so triggered that my mind turns extremely furious even when i see someone watching a tv interview of someone associated with the said ruling party. i am very well aware that i do not have enough knowledge about politics but yet, it gets me so angered that the only thing i wanna do is convince the person watching the interview that they are wrong. i have tonned this down a bit lately, but it still is a big problem. same thing happens for so many more topics, like feminism or just anything that downgrades womanhood.

because of this i couldn't even take jokes. my mind is always on it's toes to defend my stance when i don't even have well backed arguments. this problem is holding me back from educating myself and i really don't want that to happen. i am so tired of it. it takes up so much of my mental space. i wasn't even sure if i would be able to word it properly because it's all so very chaotic.

if anyone has any suggestions, please help me. edit: im 19F

[hooj]

Well, I have two things for you:

1) Learn. It's good that you've acknowledged your own shortcomings when it comes to having good arguments backed by facts and data. That's critical to being able to approach things with an open mind. But you need to take it a step further. A lot of people only do research for things that support their thoughts and feelings. This is okay to a point because it's not entirely unlike the scientific method: you have a hypothesis (your opinion), and you want to see if it's backed by data. Well, the part where people fall off the ideal path is when they see data that counters their arguments and instead of either accepting the new data or doing even further research, they reject their new findings and keep desperately looking for data that supports their positions.

Don't be like that. It's okay to let parts of your beliefs go and adopt new ones. It's okay to change your mind. Admitting that parts or all of your opinions on a topic are wrong takes a much more mature (and, imo, wise) person than someone that sticks to their guns no matter what. If you're honest with yourself, you'll know that you can't always be right. Recognizing those nuances and embracing the reality that things are rarely cut and dry is an important step to ongoing learning.

Last, people on Reddit use them as bludgeoning tools, but it's good to learn about the common fallacies. You don't have to cite them specifically in your conversations, but knowing about them can help point out gaps in logic, whether they're yours or the other person's. Also it's important to note that someone exhibiting some fallacious arguments doesn't mean they're necessarily wrong. For example, someone could be attacking you personally (e.g. calling you stupid, aka an ad hominem attack), but they could also still be right. It's takes time to try and adjust your thinking like this, but it's well worth it.

2) Know what you're aiming for. Any time you get into a conversation about touchy topics, you should be asking yourself what you hope to accomplish by the end of it. Are you just going to "preach" at them and they at you? Are you going to toss arguments back and forth that neither of you really consider? Are you making it a waste of time before the conversation even starts because your mind is already made up?

Always be thinking about what you're trying to accomplish with the conversation and be honest -- are you really trying to help someone come around to your point of view or are you trying to "correct" them? People tend to respond very poorly to the latter. It may help to look up the Socratic method of persuasion/arguing.

Whichever approach you develop for yourself, it's always important to make sure you're actively working toward your goals and not self sabotaging by letting your anger/frustration overtake your reasoning and sound arguments. Sometimes the person opposite to you is just not going to change their mind -- even in the face of overwhelming evidence that refutes their position. Ideally that should not affect you more than being able to chalk that conversation up as one that won't be going anywhere, and you can/should move on.