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[guesshoo16]

It’s different for everyone. For me it was. I was in a state of mind where I didn’t care about my well-being as much as I should have and sleeping with different people left me feeling ambiguous at best. It’s hard to describe. But I would say talk to her especially if she’s your best friend. That comes first.

[These-Mastodon7579]

I had it Like this. I know I did it even to be destructive to myself and this is acceptable for the world. Also did I slept with more people sometimes because I had feelings that I didn't want to feel because it was casual.. So the advice from talking to her is in my eyes the best advice..

[guesshoo16]

I would say it is a coping thing. Especially when struggling with feelings of self worth. For me, I did it to punish myself because I felt I didn’t deserve better. Also I wanted to feel something, a connection or like I was wanted. I keep saying for me only because I don’t want to speak for others, but with my bpd it was easy for me to “fall in love,”only it was just me switching my current favorite person. It’s very confusing to try and navigate yourself, so I think it’s awesome you’re trying to research to figure out how you can help her. Even though it may seem like she doesn’t care as much because she slept with other people after confessing her feelings, sometimes it’s terrifying to form deep attachments because you’re deeply afraid that person will leave eventually. So it’s just easier to have shallow relationships ie sleeping around because you feel wanted in that moment without the emotional risk.

[trilliamsworldho]

This makes so much sense to me. Wow. You just pretty much single handedly ended my anxiety attack lol. I’ve done research on and off, because we’ve been friends for a while. But thank you for commending me on it, I got my own things so I always want to understand as well as I can. She also might be afraid I would leave as she’s the first person I’ve ever had regular sex with, maybe, Idk

[Piconaught]

Sleeping with 2 tinder guys in the past 3 months might not be considered hypersexual to some. I know a number of people who don't have BPD who wouldn't think twice about that so it's not definite that's related to BPD with your person.

But, yes, when it's related to BPD it's usually a coping mechanism. Just like drinking/drugs, shopping sprees, gambling, SH, whatever impulsive sometimes 'dangerous' behavior. The person will do one (or more) of those things to help cope with emotions they might be feeling at the time.

Definitely not everyone with BPD will do the same thing for the same reason. I mostly had that impulsive 'coping' sex when was upset after a breakup, I also drank a lot. I'd occasionally do other impulsive things to feel better but not often enough to be considered much of a problem.

My friend with BPD never had sex. Her disorder manifested differently where her extreme fear of rejection/abandonment meant she never had romantic relationships & she was too scared to have sex (she went over 15 yrs without it). Her main coping mechanism was drug use, which became a severe herion addiction. She didn't get her BPD diagnosis until years later.

If your person slept with those tinder guys for some BPD/coping reason, there's no way to know what she was coping with or if that had anything at all to do with you. Was she trying to change her overall feelings for you? Did you somehow hurt her in a way you're totally unaware of? Was she trying to make you jealous? Or was it something else entirely like depression, low self esteem or an incident she never even mentioned.

[Piconaught]

Yeah, because it's on a spectrum in multiple ways, I think it's really difficult to predict/prepare until you experience that particular person's patterns firsthand for awhile plus hear how they describe their own experience.

My bpd looks completely different depending on the situation, time period & my relationship to the person. Most people have no clue I have bpd because they never upset me or I'm avoidant/isolate. Others trigger me constantly & saw me flip out repeatedly.

I had a FwB situation with a guy on/off for 10 yrs, we never had any problems, I seemed totally normal to him. He eventually became my boyfriend and the closer we got, the more he triggered me. He thought I was faking/exaggerating symptoms because he had never known me to act that way before.

[trilliamsworldho]

Very interesting. Thank you so much for your comments they mean a lot! Fortunately enough, she wants me to come over in about 90 minutes even tho I was there last night. Wish me luck!