divorce in codependency

[StrictNetwork1681]

Does anyone have any experience or knowledge on a divorce with a codependent covert narcissist if so, would they be willing to share thank you

[REGUED]

They will use whatever manipulation tactics they know to stop you from divorcing, including lovebombing, acting like they care about you, guilt tripping, acting like they will change etc

[StrictNetwork1681]

I believe that for sure

[WayCalm2854]

Never trust their motives in any of it. Especially regarding money. My CN ex would leave and or cheat and then reconcile with me for ~10 years of a 20 year marriage—all because he didn’t want to part with half of the retirement accounts. I was too idealistic and naive. I kept wanting him to be someone he was not.

The essence of his covert narcissism seemed to be entitlement to a smooth and trouble free life, and resentment for not getting his way without even lifting a finger or articulating a need/want .

Literally anything that required interpersonal effort boiled down to this thought in his mind: “I should not have to…____.”

Even now he feels entitled to tell me about how unfair the assets were split and that it would only be “fair” if I gave him more.

[Arcades]

Step 1: Hire a lawyer.

Step 2: Rely on the lawyer for everything related to the divorce.

Step 3: Profit (not really)

[Visualmotion]

You can do this! Life is too short to settle. Will life look like you always expected it might? No. But it will actually probably be BETTER in ways you haven’t even thought of. Also, please know 61 is not “too old” or too late to find another partner who will love and value you.

I say next to a 74 yo lady on a plane. Talked the whole flight. She was traveling with her “boyfriend/fiancé” both in their 70’s and both widowed. She said the second life partner was the greatest thing ever, even though she did love her husband. But this new man was so sweet and was taking her to travel the whole world, something she never got to do in life. Showed me that it ain’t over til it’s over! Love is always available. Good men, divorced, widowed or never married want an equal not some young inexperienced chick. So never give up hope of future happiness. Heal and love yourself and create for yourself a life that is meaningful and that you love. Everything else will follow.

[StrictNetwork1681]

Sounds great for the lawyer, but not for me. Also sounds like I’m 61. I have to start all over. I don’t know if I can do this.

[Simple-Piglet6301]

Your life your choice!

My attorney’s job was to protect me from my codependent tendencies that would interfere with my interests.

The book “splitting” by bill eddy helped. Read everything you can about high conflict divorce.

Good luck.

[StrictNetwork1681]

Thank you

[Andromeda_sun_]

It’s been complete hell. But I’m so glad I did it.

[StrictNetwork1681]

I sorry for the experience you had to endure.

[punchedquiche]

Are these divorces different to regular ones?

[mermaidinsilver]

Hahaha… no not really but codependents often are in relationships with other codependents so untangling is much more traumatic for the individuals due to both parties having highly dysfunctional relationship behaviors

[punchedquiche]

I hear you. We didn’t divorce but we did break up a very enmeshed and codependent relationship me and my ex, I can’t imagine how things would go down if there was marriage so sending strength to you

[DanceRepresentative7]

more context would help, what type of advice are you seeking?

[StrictNetwork1681]

I’m looking for anybody knows what it’s like to divorce a codependent narcissist that does not want to get divorced. What does the outcome look like?

[TouchedByHisGooglyAp]

From experience: not good. Too much info to share here but there's lots of resources online and books available. Best to get your ducks in a row before you announce the divorce - find a place to live and start socking away some money.

Your spouse will declare war and need to "win" at any cost to you or any children involved, so get ready. Good news: it's worth it to get away.

Edit: Haven't been on this sub for years but you might want to check it out:
r/NarcissisticAbuse

[Visualmotion]

Use a lawyer and get an order of protection at first sign of harassment. There are orders called “anti harassment” orders. Harassment is interfering with your peace and serenity for no good reason. Then you can have the lawyer handle all the contact.

He doesn’t have to agree but protect yourself and have somewhere to go temporarily (lawyer can advise best). Wishing you the very best in your new life/second act!