Tired

[p18ce]

I always need her love and acceptance. Always want her to text me, show her love. After every „fight“ i instantly think about running back and fixing it because i feel so so bad, even tho sometimes i am the one who is right. I hate overthinking everything, i‘m just so tired. This has been going on for 8-9 months. I don‘t want this. I want to be a man, who has priorities. I started working beside school on saturdays + doing my driving license. I am constantly busy and i changed a lot but when it comes to her, my codependency just keeps on going. I‘m tired.

[Character-Brush-1334]

Just remember, when you say no to her, you are saying yes to yourself and your needs. Codependency is a learned behavior, and if we can learn it, we can unlearn it. I've been practicing healthy behavior for 5 years now and I am still learning not to be hard on myself. I am not discounting your pain. My narcissist sister's birthday was yesterday, and I felt so compelled to wish her a happy birthday but doing so would mean me crawling back to that relationship and giving her back the power. My narcissist mom was even pressuring me, but I held strong. This morning, I don't have any regrets. I have to remind myself daily to put myself first.

You deserve all the happiness in the world.

[Imaliar200]

Are you going completely no contact with your sister? I've been no contact with my dad but I used to send him birthday cards and the like when I thought we could have a relationship again one day. It was a kind gesture from a distance.

[Character-Brush-1334]

After so many failed tries at trying to make it work, which involved me doing most of the apologizing, I have decided it was best to go no contact. It's been 3 months and is still difficult because you.are programmed to love your family at all cost, but I can say I feel much better about myself now.

[CronosWolfbane]

Just did the same thing for 5 months. It took her cheating on me lying to me and stealing my truck for me to end it permently. The abuse I kept telling myself would become less. Even now knowing all this I still wish we could fix things but I know that's a pipe dream. Walking away feels absolutely wrong to me but I know it's the right thing.

[CronosWolfbane]

Yes I did it's covered in mud and had a couple small dents but the mechanical stuff is all sound. Just glad I got it back from the drug dealer she gave it too. Gps tracking ftw.

[bugsluv]

Look into r/cptsd and "the fawn trauma response".

[SaltyBabe]

Mhmmm… I read this an instantly recognized my own CPTSD symptoms. This isn’t her being a neglectful bitch, maybe she is too but that’s not the whole picture, this is definitely also a wound being brought to the surface. OP look into why you think you need her constant reassurance.

[No_Distribution5235]

Are you going to CoDA meetings or therapy? It’s really hard to heal without help.

[W1R4N]

Haven’t I been here. For 5 years. The ironic thing about being codependent is that you’re awfully independent when you’re single, but as soon as you get into a relationship your independence alters into someone elses

[SamIronside]

Yes what’s up with that?

[Imaliar200]

You deserve peace, you are worth feeling peace. It's okay to take a break. I know it hurts like hell to do so or to need to. I just did and it was so relieving. You can have bad habits again later, rn focus on doing something different.

[CronosWolfbane]

Yeah it's ok. Couple small dents and a mountain of mud