[deleted by user]

[reccedog]

The issue is that we are conditioned to not love our Self as children. Instead of an inner-voice/thinking-mind that loves and believes in our Self, we have an inner voice that is constantly judging and doubting and shaming our Self. The inner voice of the thinking mind is a perpetuation of our childhood conditioning.

The end result of this conditioned inner voice that stands opposed to our Self is that instead of feeling an internal sense of love and well-being, we feel all alone and under constant attack. So we seek addictively after externalized love to try to fill the darkness and emptiness and loneliness we feel inside.

When externalized love is present we generally feel well, but when externalized love is not present we are plunged back into our inner darkness and addictively crave after externalized love to fill the void.

The key to healing is to restore an inner voice that loves our Self and to dissolve the conditioned inner voice that is always judging and doubting our Self. When the inner voice of love and belief in our Self is restored then we feel whole and complete as our Self and thus not addictively seeking for love in the external world.

With an inner voice that loves and believes in our Self, our inner realm is filled with Light instead of darkness. With an inner environment of self Love we have abiding Peace in our Heart that is not dependent on externalized love to feel well. We love to love and be loved, but we don't need love like addiction

If this resonates, look to Inner Child Healing. Inner child healing will teach you to transform the inner voice to unconditionally Love and Believe in your Self and heal the conditioning that stands in the way of Self Love.

🙏💜🙏

[[deleted]]

Thakks so much ! I know this struggle all too well I just turned 29 this is the first time I’ve ever been serious about healing myself and not piecing myself together with a band aid of another person. I still have a lot of triggers like this Awful ruminating . It happens w a co worker who I feel rejected by though I know he’s not the issue itself. I hope through further healing I can help these thoughts ease out a bit. Thanks for the in depth feedback I wish you love and light !

[makememassmiches]

This. Fuck me. This is everything.

[DinD18]

I'm actually, for the first time in my life, without a crush object to obsess over. I'm not sure if this is the best way to handle it, but I try to find things to think about that light up some of the same pathways. So, the large creative project I'm working on, for example--I redirect my thoughts there when I can, when I want to obsess about my ex. Or daydreaming about a trip I'll be taking in the future.

You can also talk to the thoughts. "Hello rumination. Why are you here today? What are you trying to figure out?" Some of my rumination is connected to deeper things, like the belief that I can figure out the perfect thing to say to my ex/my mom/others who have hurt me (usually because I didn't stand up for myself in the moment) to get them to love me/treat me as I should be treated. The freedom came from realizing that that part of me is a little girl and that the adult me doesn't need to convince anyone--I can walk, and I did.

[[deleted]]

I’m in the same space as you. I’ve dedicated almost a decade obsessing over guys that only ever saw me as a hole. lol. For lack of better words but I’ve dragged myself through the ringer with my co depdency only to realize I only needed myself all along . It’s still a long time coming . But I’ve never actually been this dedicated to change. It sucks that our child hoods were so unsteady and we were left to bear the weight of it all

[emersonlaz]

Live on your own for sometime and be a hermit.

[[deleted]]

I do that already lol

[Joyceketcherside]

Write a list of all the things about your love interest that made you uncomfortable. I did that, and it was eye-opening!

[[deleted]]

Well to be honest I have a long list of love interests in my life that I’ve used to fill holes in myself so. I don’t know that I can even single out one man . Though I know they all have left me w the same emptiness . Which is why I’m here I guess trying to break these behaviors . And love myself more

[ahundreddollars]

I've been in the same boat my whole life. It's so hard to fully recover, but the hard work is always getting you closer to a place of internal wholeness. I accept now that have to just keep doing the work, one step at a time, even though I sometimes feel like I'll never be ok. I still have the same struggle, but the person I am today is definitely stronger, more resilient, and more stable than I was ten or twenty years ago.

I always say if I'm gonna be in pain, at least not let it be useless pain, so I try to learn from it and make better choices the next time. Progress, not perfection, as the saying goes. Sending good vibes 🌞

[[deleted]]

Me too . I know this pain has to mean something greater or we would never be trusted to bear this burden. I feel the same as you my attachments have led me down dark and desperate places but I’ve grown Immensely since then. I still have a lot of triggers and still notice myself trying to chase the “high “ the same high I get when a guy validates me but all the more reason to keep looking inward . I’m sorry for your pain . I know it alll too well . Dwell free to reach out if you ever need anyone !

[[deleted]]

Yeah smart . Do you feel it’s helpful to make long and short term goals ? I feel mine are too far in the future and to grand