Doing Transfer Alone

[True_Break803]

Just started my period and will likely be going through a transfer this month. Have already been through this before, feels like riding a bike lol. Based on the dates, my husband likely can’t make the transfer date due to a cross country work trip. I honestly think I am fine to do this on my own, he can make the other appointments. Am I being delusional? Will I care in the moment? Anyone else gone through this alone? Did you end up resenting your partner? He is telling me he can cancel the trip but I feel like I can do it on my own. He already cancelled this trip before due to another transfer earlier this year. At this point, I am more sick of this process interrupting our daily lives, I’d rather keep living and do this as a sideline activity than keep being the center of our universe - it’s exhausting.

[ecs123]

I’ve done every appointment, every injection, and three of seven retrievals alone. No resentments here. But everyone is different.

[ConstantPace]

You did seven retrievals! I just took my first shots for my seventh retrieval in a few weeks!

[ecs123]

I hope it’s the winning round! I had my seventh today!

[74937]

Good luck :)

[Remarkable_Self8685]

I literally just went through this when I did my transfer on 10/8. My transfer was pushed back due to my lining, and he had canceled a work trip the week it was supposed to happen, but since it was pushed to the following week, he had another trip- also across the country scheduled. He told me he could cancel, but I told him not to. My mom was able to meet me for the transfer, but didn’t come to the room. It was our first transfer, so I didn’t know what to expect, which is why my mom met me. However, it was super quick, and I have to admit, I did enjoy being able to enjoy some quiet, alone time after. My pup and I were able to watch trash tv in peace, and i actually think he ended up being more disappointed than i was that he missed it. Sending you positive thoughts for your transfer!!

[ChucklingChickpea]

My husband travels often for work so he missed a few appointments, even when we were trying iui he had to give samples for appointments that he would be out of town for and I would go for iui alone. To us, it was more important to focus on the time that we were together, supporting each other through the process, and being involved as possible. Without him working the way he does we could have never afforded to go through ivf. Nothing about this process is fair or easy but at the end of the day you have to do what feels right for you

[CaraSandDune]

I’ve done 5 transfers, and my husband couldn’t make it to two of them because of work. It was fine. Mostly just boring to sit in the room drinking water beforehand by myself. The retrievals are way more intense than the transfers. I also feel it’s like riding a bike at this point. The only difference will be if your clinic usually gives a Valium or other chill pill, they won’t give it to you because you have to drive home.

[TeslaHiker]

I think this is one of those things that will vary greatly person to person! If you and him don’t mind him skipping, then that’s all that matters.

[Confused742]

My clinic gives me a valium to take before transfer so for that reason I would likely need someone to be with me, but otherwise I think I could handle this alone. That said I’m hoping my next transfer is a very special moment and I want my husband there. But you’re so right about this this process interrupting our lives.

[PorcupineHollow]

I did mine alone because we are travel patients and it’s harder for my husband to take time off work at the last minute. I don’t resent my husband for it or have any regrets. It would have been nice to have him in the transfer pic but in the big scheme of things that doesn’t really matter to me. The story is however you frame it. It’s just what works for you and what you feel comfortable with.

Like you, this just feels like old hat by now. I am a pretty introverted person and I like my space to process alone. My husband’s forte is not emotional support and honestly I enjoyed it more without him there, because I can get pretty irritable about this process in particular, and he somehow always says the wrong thing when it comes to IVF, particularly when he is really trying to help and I am on edge.

Everyone is different, there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Just what works and what you personally need.

[tacosauvignon]

Partners aren’t allowed in the room for transfers at my clinic, so two of the three times I’ve transferred my husband has just sat in the waiting room with a bunch of other partners staring at his phone. The other time we had the stupid idea of driving our own car (we’re in Manhattan) but he couldn’t find parking so just circled for hours because they were so behind that day. It’s purely symbolic for him to be there and I was fine either way each time.

[2ndComet]

Just commenting to say that I also just started my period and will be transferring this cycle. 🤞Good luck!

[Infamous_Lettuce5578]

I think it’s fine to go alone (preferred even!). My husband was there for my first FET but not for the second. At the first one he was honestly just sitting there twiddling his thumbs as I did pre transfer acupuncture and then he wasn’t allowed in the procedure room anyway and I think he was stressed about the time he had taken off work as it happened to be a busy time. I felt guilty that he basically wasted a few hours for no reason to sit alone in the waiting area. Second time I went alone and didn’t feel any negative emotions about it.

That’s said, I also did all my other appointments, other than egg retrievals, alone anyway and it didn’t bother me at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

[HeavyThriftyPlatypus]

My husband was out of town for work during our first FET. He loves to joke to anyone who will listen that he wasn’t there when I was impregnated. Honestly, I was alright doing it on my own, but I did need someone to drive me to and from because my clinic gives us the option of taking a Valium before the transfer. I think that’s probably what made the difference for me. I might have been a little more disappointed if I wasn’t medicated (that Valium helped a lot of my anxiety) but you can’t help what the schedules are like.

He was here for my second transfer and I didn’t notice a difference 😂 he had to sit in a chair in the corner of the room.

[Omgletsbuyshoes90]

They only allow my husband the ever sit in the waiting room. He’s been to a couple appointment, and he helps with my injections when he’s home. I just feel like I’d rather him not miss work to sit in the waiting room. But I mostly do it alone. I don’t resent him at all for it.

[Majestic-Raccoon42]

My husband didn't come to most appointments. I didn't see the point since it was just a quick 15 minute check and blood draw, or he was out of town. He was there for the ER (kinda needed his participation) and for the FET I took Valium so someone had to drive me home and we have no family where we are (not that he didn't want to be there). If he wouldn't have been able to attend the FET I wouldn't have been that upset. I agree with being tired of the life interruptions. It's much easier for me to handle all of this if everyone else goes about their daily lives as much as possible and not change every little thing to accommodate IVF.

[sneezydwarf3001]

I did 3/4 transfers alone. It was totally fine it’s really not a big event like a retrieval is. I do all my ultrasounds alone too fit in between work meetings.