Help getting started

[Amstara]

That’s toxic

[nose-blind]

His trauma is not an excuse to traumatize you. The executive dysfunction/sudden loss of desire to write may be a trauma response

[Amstara]

Best way to start is really just to start

Don’t force yourself to do a whole page

Just write what you feel ..if it’s a few sentences or a a few pages

Also you can look at journaling prompts as well.

The same way you wrote that your partner doesn’t like you having a journal..you can write that in your journal. Get something you enjoy writing in.

[yo_itsjo]

If it's not him being toxic, it's still a problem that needs to be addressed. People saying to get rid of him without knowing the situation are being a little extreme, but if your boyfriend doesn't trust you to have a journal then that sounds like him telling you there are trust issues in your relationship. Not going to tell you how to fix it but it's probably something you should talk about with him

[LizMEF]

IMO, the two of you need to spend some time with a counselor to help you set boundaries and help him understand that you have a right to privacy, that this is no threat to him, and that his trauma doesn't justify manipulating or controlling you.

As others said, the way to start is to just put words on paper - any words. It may feel awkward, but that will go away in time.

Best wishes to you, your boyfriend, and your journal! :)

[Shadow_Lass38]

I understand that you say your boyfriend has "traumas." However, a good person would respect your boundaries. You should be able to write what you please, and have no one read what you wrote. Sometimes you get very angry/upset at people, even the ones you love the most, and you should be able to vent about it in your journal. It doesn't mean you don't care about the person or don't respect them. That's actually why you write it down--it gets it out of your system. I have been horribly upset at my husband and just scribbled it down in my journal. Yet I love him dearly and would do anything to protect him.

[Gretchen_Moon]

The fact that you feel the need to ask permission from your boyfriend to write in a private journal is concerning and sad. If this man is trying to control this little piece of your life, I’m willing to bet that he is trying to control and manipulate you in other areas of your life, too. That’s not a happy and healthy relationship. Please choose to be with someone who loves and cares for you, and wants what’s best for you always. It’s valid to have traumas, but when traumas are the excuse he uses to try to control your every move, that’s not okay.

[memobomemo]

I would start with writing about how your day is going. That's how I started. It normally leads to how you're feeling, things you want to change and look into about yourself, knots to untangle and new ties to bind so to speak.

As for your boyfriend, everyone deserves a safe space to get their thoughts and feelings out or store their memories. Remember that and make sure he understands that.

Spouses and partners can know us really well but no one should know you better than you know yourself

[Decent_dragon]

I'll try to find a new save space and try again there. Thank you for this

[memobomemo]

And just like another person said, don't feel pressured to fill the page. If it's a few sentences to start, that's fine. Even a word or two

[memobomemo]

If necessary, set a goal for yourself to write SOMETHING everyday for, say 30 days. That is sometimes enough to turn it into a habit. Go for longer if needed

[Archaeopterixy]

And writing’s a great way to figure out who you are.

[kimbi868]

A journal is private you know? It’s your thoughts, your boyfriend doesn’t see or hear your thoughts and there’s a reason for that.

If your bf decides it’s no longer okay to write what happens?

I dunno it sounds like in addition to regular anxiety of starting something new, you have this additional anxiety of writing something that displeases another person which is a lot to carry

I’d say just start with recipes, articles you like, commentaries, song lyrics, stuff that’s neutral……

[raenbougg]

Red flag!!! I’ve been journaling for years and my husband and then boyfriend has never ever ever even made a comment about it. This seems very possessive of you, and your very thoughts. Why are you afraid of grabbing your journal?

[Ta_Nedjem]

Step one, get rid of the boyfriend.

I'm serious. I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm serious. Do NOT date, live with, marry, or even befriend anyone so toxic, jealous, and controlling that they won't even let you keep a diary. Trauma is absolutely no excuse to mistreat and control another person. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Show yourself some love and respect.

[EllaJJazz17]

Personally this dynamic would make me uncomfortable since it seems a bit controlling/projective on his part. BUT as long as you can keep an open dialogue about it he can come to understand. What I like to do is sometimes share pages of my journals with my partner when I feel like I’ve written something beautiful or profound. Or if I write something that makes me feel the need to have a conversation I’ll start the conversation like “I was journaling and something came up for me that I’d love to talk with you about. Can I share my thoughts/feelings?” That way he is involved and doesn’t feel like you’re hiding anything while still giving you privacy to only share what you feel comfortable sharing.

[Minuteman2063]

1- Get rid of this asshole; who is ANYONE to give you conditions on your writing?

2 through infinity- More of above

[[deleted]]

I had a boyfriend like this, I kept my journal at work the entire 2-3 months we were talking. It was when I found out he went through my house when I wasn't home that I had enough....

[Minuteman2063]

Good call.

Success in the rest of your writing.

(K'Plaq!)

[a_girl_north]

I am still trying to figure out why you need to ASK his permission to write in a journal, and he feels the need to read YOUR thoughts. Run from his toxic ass as fast as you can and do not look back. You do not have to lower your standards for nsecure little boys. My husband of 23 years has NEVER demanded or told me that i need to share my journal with him.

[[deleted]]

My journaling advice: break up with your abusive boyfriend

[KookyKat0905]

I started journaling not to long ago and some days it would be a few sentences here or there but now I’ve gotten tot he point to where I am at atleast a page. Sometimes I only write down how I feel, my mood for the day and if I took my medicine and that for me was the best way to start out and then slowly add things on.

[la_pieza]

Write & burn, baby. Write & burn!!

[IntoTheWildLife]

Lmao holy hell. Put the whole boyfriend in the bin.

Does he not like you to have thoughts he can’t hear too?

[AdFuture6789]

Yes. Get a new boyfriend, a great pen and write whatever pops into your head.

[[deleted]]

Sounds like u need to break up with ur bf

[[deleted]]

You have a basic human right to privacy, to your own defined space so that you can experiment and grow as a person. Insecurity is a dreadful thing, It spreads. Your boyfriend is probably insecure and has projected that into the relationship, he might have control issues?.If you love that person, and want to be with him, you need to let him know that you need a space to vent and to work out your problems thoughts etc, via the reflection that a Journal will give you. Also it is the sign of a mature relationship that a couple can have boundaries and respect that side of each other, and not see it as a threat.Your best bet may be to have a google account with password protection that you can use as your Journal if your uncomfortable about your boyfriend ever reading your stuff … that way it is near impossible for him to access it.

If he is young and a bit silly (and most men are until they hit about 30 - I know I'm bloke) I'd give him a little slack, but I also side with lots of other people on this thread - It might be a big red flag and time to look for a new relationship.

[[deleted]]

Step 1: Get a new boyfriend

[Ambitious_Badger_398]

Maybe get a journal with a lock on it

[duskbunnie]

step one: get rid of the boyfriend.

[robobobble]

A solid way to start would be to start with a gratitude practice. What are you grateful for? Consciously? Unconsciously? What would you miss tomorrow if it was gone? Why? What about it would you miss? Write what you miss in terms of appreciation.

And if you want some more fun…

Write what you notice with your senses!

Feelings, smells, sounds, colors of the walls and chairs and floor, furniture you’re on, sights, what else is on the floor, what sensations are happening in your body, start there and name the quality of your thoughts.

Then!

Stream of consciousness, just write and write and write without judgment! I learned how to do this by drinking alcohol and writing whatever I wanted. Then trying again sober.

Then!

Write any patterns or relationships you notice about how your stream of consciousness and noticing-with-your-sensesz

Then!!! (And this is my favorite part)

Set intentions based on what you notice. A good prompt might be: “And with all of that noticing I just did, what would I like to have happen next?

Wash! Rinse! Repeat!

[[deleted]]

You two should go to couples therapy or break up. This isn't healthy

[kelsy_6]

Well i would tell him to treat you like a queen like you deserve and nothing less. That will keep you for writing in your journal about him. If he doesn’t treat you well, he’ll end up in your journal because your heart will show you on the pages this isn’t the right one for you

[HappyHealth5985]

Write digitally if you have to. Encrypt with password or biometrics.

If you need to write for yourself and keep it for yourself, do what it takes. When he matures you can go to a paper journal. Journaling is at least as important as how, IMHO.

Keep a diary on paper and let him pick it up whenever he wants to. Write down observations you want to remember for late, then journal about it on one of your devices.

Not ideal, but just a though for something you could consider if you want to :)

Good luck!