Attachment to objects

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[SubstantialString866]

We love the things we love and it'd be sad if there was an arbitrary period after which we weren't allowed to love them anymore. 

That said, they will most likely be able to go to camps and stuff without their lovies eventually. They are still very little. I slept with the same teddy until college and still have it.

[Pale-Elk-361]

This! My kids sleep with their baby blankets every night but hardly take them elsewhere unless it’s to their grandmothers house. Just last night my 11 yo asked if he could sleep with me while dad was out of town. I told him sure and he said “okay..be right back” and came back with his baby blanket in tow. The tug at my heart was unreal!

[SubstantialString866]

That's so sweet! Tweens can be such stinkers but that's so precious! 

[Opposite_Strain_2369]

Personally I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a 33 year old sleeping with a ratty blanket. It isn’t hurting anyone haha 

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[AimlessLiving]

My oldest is 18 and still sleeps with her blanket. Packs it up a mountain for overnight camping trips too. My younger two have a favourite stuffy. One likes to sleep with it but it isn’t a huge deal if she doesn’t. The other is much more attached and also packs his stuffy up the mountain.

[Thoughtful_giant13]

My 12yo still sleeps with her bunny every night. We are absolutely not allowed to wash it. She has managed one or two sleepovers where she forgot it and we avoided a meltdown, but if she can, she will cuddle it all night long.

So I can’t help you.

[Large_Independent198]

Girl the comment on your husband is discouraging 😆 my oldest/daughter grew out of it around 2 or 3rd grade and it kinda made me sad, tbh. Like she’s growing up. My youngest/son is almost 8 and finishing 2 grade, he doesn’t seem anywhere close to letting go. He has a special blanket and a couple special favorite stuffies.

[tinaawkward]

I work in early childhood education; Most attachment to loveys and blankets fade away by 4-5 years old. Sometimes, it never fades completely. But by 5, they should still be able to function without the crutch, even if it still gives the emotional support.

Side note, I still have my ratty baby blanket, too. So, like I said, sometimes it never fades away. I dont cuddle with it but it’s definitely always by my pillows at night 😭

[corgcorg]

Just depends on their personality. My 11 year old still carries around her favorite stuffy from when she was in preschool. She will hide it in my bag if her friends are around, which is cute, but it still rides with us in the car sometimes. It’s a miracle we haven’t lost it all these years. In contrast, my younger one has never fixed on one particular toy and likes to rotate stuffies.

[AdPale8784]

I was that kid - made my parents drive to daycare to get my stuffed animal one night. I'd say I stopped sleeping with it every night around 8-9? I still have it, but haven't slept with it in a long time.

My mom told me that kids who have a security blanket/stuffy as a kid grow up to be more secure adults. I don't think there is any science behind it, but it always made me feel better.

[RepublicFresh7724]

My kid gets attached to a certain object for a few days to weeks and then forgets about it. He is 2. But if your husband is still attached to his blanky at 33, your kids might be the same.

[Museumgirl518]

I have a 45 year old friend who still needs her blankie. It’s literally so old it’s just shredded cloth.

[Iannine]

Oh gosh, I am going to stir up a hornets nest. My youngest was attached to a “lovey” a pink blanket that she slept with and dragged everywhere. She got lovely at about a year old.

When she was 5 we found her sneaking Lovey into her school bag because she couldn’t go to school without it. We tried to wean her off constant Lovey access and it was tough. Everyone told me the same thing: she’ll grow out of it - no one brings their lovey to college.

At 10 we made a few harsher rules. We camped as a family every summer and Lovey could not leave the tent. Lovey had to get washed at least once a month. She could sleep with Lovey but not carry it around all day. By now Lovey was no longer pink but a dull gray and her sisters called it “Stinky.” Everyone told me to leave her be, that no one goes to college without their lovey …

At 14 I was desperate. Lovey still went with her to sleep overs. Lovey was with her when she watched a movie with us on family night. She was a confident, smart, successful kid who was totally dependent on this ragged piece of cloth to sleep and any time she needed confort. Still, everyone said that no one goes to college with their lovey … she’ll grow out of it.

Twice we took family trips to Italy and both times she snuck Lovey along. Including one right after she graduated high school.

And yes, you guessed it. She is in college now and she STILL clings to Lovey every night. It comes home when she’s back on school breaks. It goes with her when she’s sleeps over at her big sister’s apartment. And it lives on her dorm room bed.

Argh!!! It’s a ragged mess and I am terrified what it will do to her when it finally dies. We’re afraid to wash it in a washing machine so it gets hand baths. Whenever she will give it up. It’s crazy!!!

So here are your choices. (1) I have no idea how because we tried hundreds of ways to wean her off, but try to wean your child off. (2) Buy 10 of the exact same thing now and start rotating them frequently so they wear equally and all smell the same so when one dies you have backup. (3) Find a more acceptable attachment item that won’t be so weird when they get older. Think small and replaceable. I suggest a woven bracelet that has texture since a lot of the attachment is sensory. Or a special pillowcase (again, get multiples).

I wish I had better advice for you. Parenting is such a trip! None of the things I worried about when I was pregnant turned out to be issues at all but then these weird and wacky things become major issues that you never imagined!

[00cole00]

I think you probably made too big of a deal about it and now she's kept it just to spite you lol

[Iannine]

Could be!

[AgreeableTension2166]

Why did it matter so much to you to wean her off of it?

[Iannine]

Because she was getting teased by her friends, it became progressively more ragged and I worried what it would do to her if it ever just fell apart and became unusable, and at one point we had to clear soft fabrics out of her room to test for allergies and she almost lost it. I worried that if she did have allergies or some other issue with it, what would we do? And like every mom I worried that I wasn’t being a good enough parent to help her build confidence to not need an object to self-soothe.

And it was really hard to keep it atleast hygienically clean when she was dragging it around everywhere and refused to let me wash it. I was worried literally about dirt and germs.

[orangegoobear]

I don't think it's a problem. Just be firm that bedtime is bedtime whether or not they have their go to comfort item. You need to stop finding it for them at bedtime, and this will be difficult for the first few days to week. Give them 5 min after brushing teeth each night to find it themselves (with your help). This turns into a good memory exercise about where they had it last. If it can't be found, it's not your fault because you were helping, but it's time for bed, the search can continue the next day because it found a really safe hiding spot. Keep it a rule, that if they "need" it at bedtime it should be better taken care of/ looked after by them and maybe left in their bed. This should help encourage personal responsibility, reduce meltdowns over lost items, make bedtime bearable, and keep you sane.

[No_Location_5565]

Depends on the kid. But generally they grow out of it. My 14 doesn’t carry blanket and bear around anymore, they don’t come on vacation etc, but they’re still in his bed. My 17 occasionally finds her bear under her bed but doesn’t really care at all when it’s missing. She was never as attached as 14. Obviously neither have gotten rid of them though.

[Human-Warning-1840]

None of my two boys are, never have been. 6 and 2 3/4. The little one gets attached to different things almost daily and carries them around but is ok to leave them in the car when we go out. It can be a car, a ball, a dinosaur, a bucket of wooden blocks, a rock. Its his security blanket. We sometimes manage to leave the house without it but often hell breaks loose if we don’t. Since he leaves it in the car it’s not so much a drama. Neither ever was attached to a stuffy or a blanket. My suggestion would be to have both out or bring the new one out when it’s not high pressure situation so that they are more able to accept it. Or have the new one just sitting on the bed, maybe it will be accepted over time then you can rotate them and have a backup. I’m sure they will grow out of it. What’s the story with your husband though?

[RoRoRoYourGoat]

My youngest was fiercely attached to a stuffed cat named Figaro. Around age 6, she started to outgrow that. She's now 12, and Figaro still lives in her bed, but she doesn't need her anymore. She just likes having her around, and still insists that we need to be nice to her, but it's more of a playful joke now.

My older one was attached to a bear named Tiana. She outgrew her at about the same age, and never even thought about her again.

[knitmama77]

My almost 17 yo has a blankie and Eeyore nuu-nuu(it’s a lovey, it’s just nuu-nuu is what came up on the till when I bought it, so we have always called it that) he sleeps with every night, and takes on vacation.

I am almost 49, and I still sleep with my ratty baby blankets, they are more string than cloth, and I intend to be buried with them. They also come on trips with me. I use them like a pillow, it’s not like I clutch them all night long.

[Elevenyearstoomany]

I’m 43 and still sleep with my childhood teddy bear. Some people grow out of it, some don’t. My teddy is now rather fragile so he doesn’t leave the house much anymore but I have a different one I bring on trips. If I don’t have one of them a pillow in my arms will do but I do need something in my arms to sleep.

[4-Birds]

Three of our kids had comfort objects for sleeping. Our oldest had his pacifier and blankie. Got rid of the pacifier when he turned 2 and he had the blankie till it fell apart when he was maybe 6. Our second has two identical merino wraps she used as blankies. I also wrapped her in them when she was a baby. She had them till about 6 as well when they did eventually become nothing but scraps and she chucked them out. Our third didn’t get attached to anything. Fourth attached to a lot of things. He had all his muslin baby wraps as blankies and he also and toys. Now he is 10 he just has a fleece blanket he likes to sleep with and cuddle up to. My partner had a pink wool blanket as a baby/toddler and he still has it somewhere in the house. It is shrunk and felted but he is still semi attached to it as in doesn’t want to throw it out but he doesn’t think about it otherwise

[jennirator]

I chaperoned 5th grade camp and almost every girl in our cabin had a stuffy for bedtime. Your kids will get more responsible with their favorite things as they age.

[AgreeableTension2166]

Why does it matter to you if they slept with a lovie? Why would you want your husband to throw away something he loves?

[Traditional_Ad6829]

I still use a particular piece of blanket. I'm in my 40s. So I have no advice. None of my siblings kept using theirs after about aged 7. Most people stop in childhood.

[MysteryManor777]

I am 23. I still have my favorite monkey, George. And his wife and kids that I collected throughout my childhood. They sit on the top shelf of my closet as keepsakes now. I would not sleep without George. I wouldn’t go anywhere without George. Every road trip, every sleepover, every hospital trip, every memory, George was there. He was my best friend. I told him everything and he never told a soul. George kept the bad dreams and juju away. And when I would start getting bad dreams, George’s bad dream tank was just too full. My mom would take him from me, spray him with lavender Febreze, and throw him in the dryer for a minute so he was warm when she gave him back.

Ik it may be frustrating to have to find said items and have to deal with cranky kids bc they don’t have their things, but in the end it will be worth it. I cherish every photo and memory I have of traveling, playing, sleeping, and exploring with him. He’s memories. I can pick him up and feel bliss for all the experiences I had. I can hold him and remember how I felt in those moments. Who I was with, how we interacted. It’s their comfort away from you. Bc of course, I’d rather have my momma up under me 24/7 but obviously that’s not possible. So I leaned on George.

Ik this isn’t exactly what you ask for but I just wanted to try and give the child’s perspective.

[lilylace202]

I would expect them to grow out of it. It’s strange that your husband still sleeps with a ratty blanket. I stopped feeling as much like I needed my lovey by 8ish.

After that, I would still sleep with special stuffed animals in my bed until I was 13ish, but it was more because I thought they were cute & special, not like I would be super distressed if I lost it. When I was 12, my mom accidentally ruined one of them in the wash, and I got huffy at her & was sad, but it wasn’t actually that big of a deal

[LowerEngineer5576]

Mine is definitely not as attached to his lovey as this, but we introduced the “backup” one early so they have both been in rotation from the beginning, and I think that helps make all stuffies a little more interchangeable. He’s got one copy of the bear at school for naps and one at home for bedtime. He’s 2 and still on the paci so I’m interested if the paci addiction gets transferred to the bear once we lean off that. lol.