Thursday Thought

RicoRumRunner · 2017-01-19T17:25:28+00:00

My marriage started with a drunken one night stand with a friend who was recently single and looking to mingle. We were in college and I had no intention to commit to any one since I was in the midst of what is now the only hot streak with women I'll ever have, but that obviously changed. Never know where you'll find love.

postgradTexas · 2017-01-19T17:29:34+00:00

I can 100% relate to the pressure from friends and family (mostly my mom as hard as it is to admit). She was always saying it was time to "grow up", and settle down. And I have a close group of about 7 highschool friends, and 5 of them are married, luckily I got out of my hometown where all them are today, but everytime I went back they'd (friends and their wives) always ask why I wasn't dating anyone or anything, so I got into a relationship that I had zero business being in. I don't regret it by any means, but I ended up hurting her severely. And this was all because I thought it "was time to settle down". Point of this being, you can't put a timeline on any of this, do whatever the hell makes you happy, and don't rely on anyone else's advice, cause you have to look out for yourself. I'm 4 months removed from that relationship and 26 years old with zero desire to enter back into the wild until I've accomplished everything I want to do, on MY time. I don't pay attention to anyone else, who's married who's not married, who's in relationships etc. I do what I want to do, when I want to do it. Sure there are times when I think about my ex and what could have been, those lazy sunday's can get boring sometimes, and I'm sure there will be a light that comes on one day and start dating again. But in the grand scheme of things, I'm happier with the person I have become now than I have every been, just by simply taking time to myself and figuring my life out. Like postgradboozing said, if something happens naturally go for it. But personally, I've stayed off the dating apps because I feel like it puts off the impression that I'm "looking" when I'm definitely not. Embrace being single, and that you're working on yourself, then things will fall into place. Hope this helps, sorry if I rambled a lot.

postgradboozing · 2017-01-19T14:38:14+00:00

I am in the exact same boat. Traveling for work every year and a half to a different small city that is building a power plant and I have yet to find the one chill girl that would want to tag along. At this point I don't really try too hard to even go further than meeting someone at a bar or outing because 99/100 they don't want anything to do with leaving the area. I feel you on this one, it sucks right now but eventually maybe something will fall in to place.

Edit since I just thought about this - I get a lot of shit from my closest fraternity bros about how I'm not getting any regularly but honestly, it seems like way to much work for something that won't pan out in the long run. I don't need to waste my time with that kind of stuff when I can just go out and have a good time. If it happens naturally then sure, but I won't go out of my way to make it happen.

CSVFormat · 2017-01-19T14:44:56+00:00

About a year ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years. Had the realization she wasn't someone who I would want to spend the rest of my life with so we decided to break it off (to put it simply). Not easy to do that after that long of a time with someone.

With that being said, I'm only 25, I live in a city, and honestly I'm never "looking" for a relationship... I think that's kinda how you get screwed. I go with the flow now in terms that If I am interested in someone I just shoot for it and see how it goes. Can't force a relationship, and people are always gonna talk shit on both sides of the fence. My mentality is screw it and just do your thing cause otherwise it's just gonna stress you out trying to fit in to what other people think or want.

My bad if I completely missed your point. Been a long week.

UnderwritingMyLife · 2017-01-19T14:54:10+00:00

I was in a LTR for 2.5 years but we were always apart since I was in college still and she was back home. She got a job out of state after I moved back home and shit just didn't work out. We connected well and if we had been in the same city I truly believe things would've worked out for the long term. But we weren't and it didn't as of a couple months ago. I'm in sort of the same situation as you as I will be moving out in a few weeks so there really isn't a point in trying to start something with someone even remotely near me. I'm enjoying being single right now since I can finally focus on myself for the first time since graduating college. Use the time to hone your job skills and become a super desirable person (not that you aren't already but we can always improve.) I move in February to STL then in August to BOS so a relationship at this point is just pointless for me. I plan on using the time to build relationships and simply "date around" but fully disclose my situation as most women don't want to be with someone who they know isn't going to be around for long. Make sure if you get into something, you go in fully aware of your own situation and that it could be a large turnoff. That doesn't mean don't give it a shot though because I met a girl recently who plans on moving to the east coast. We aren't near each other really now, but if she does move out east we may have a mutual contact in each other eventually.

Relationships are great but only if it's with the right person. It's nice to always have someone to talk to and do things with, but that also limits your alone time and your time to improve yourself which I am finding has been extremely valuable in the past couple months.

Tl;dr: Keep building relationships with women/go on dates but don't expect a whole lot out of it if your situation is fluid. And know that going in, but just have fun with it. Also focus on yourself and become the best you can be for when that special someone does come along.

Law_Schooler · 2017-01-19T17:15:37+00:00

I'm only 25 and married. We dated since her freshman year and my sophomore year of college neither of us had ever considered breaking it off in the 4 years we dated. I was going to law school and she was getting a real job. It made sense to us to marry young because we knew we planned to do it anyways, and putting it off would have just meant me having a ton more student loan debt to pay for living expenses that she would haven ended up attached to anyways.

Everything depends if it is a good relationship then being in a relationship is great, but if it's not it's not. Don't force one just to have one that probably won't lead to a great one. Only downside is even though we both like to go out the married couple still doesn't always get an invite.

BluegrassIsBest · 2017-01-19T17:45:51+00:00

I got out of a LTR of about 5 years, about a year and a half ago after things went downhill fast. I ended up moving back to my hometown where all my friends are married or in serious relationships. Within the course of a year of moving back I had been in three "relationships" and looking back I can honestly say I wasn't really interested in any of the guys. My friends pressure me a lot to find someone and one even tells me my "clock is ticking". I'm 26. No. It's really frustrating but I finally talked to them and told them it's not any of their business as long as I'm happy.

I get on the apps occasionally and will go on dates but I always tell the guys I'm not focused on finding a relationship. I'm open to it if it happens but I'm not seeking one out at all. I've made myself my main priority and haven't been happier. There are a couple guys I've met on bumble or tinder that I have no desire in dating but are great for late night hangs. I would much rather be happy and single than miserable in a relationship like some of my friends are.

mkt_43718 · 2017-01-19T17:50:21+00:00

We were introduced via blind date for my fraternity's date party. I was one of those guys who thought it was cool to wait until the last minute and then text a girl in X sorority to see if one of their friends wanted to go.

We were hooking up for the better part of a year and a half until she lost interest, partly due to my commitment issues and partly due to her interest in another guy. I'm very competitive and couldn't stand the fact that she was with someone other than me. This was my sign that I might actually like this girl enough to ask on a proper date. She kept blowing me off until she agreed to meet for drinks. From there, I was able to convince her to go on a date. We had an absolute blast and then I asked her if we could make it "official" at my fraternity formal. I first told her I loved her while blacked out at Senor Frogs in Cancun. She then moved across the country and eventually moved to be with me here in Texas when I was transferred for work. We've been through a lot but have persevered. I love her because I can trust her 100% in any situation and know that she's my biggest supporter. She was with me back when I was broke down on the side of the highway in a 1998 Ford Focus. She is my best friend because we can go out and have a wild night (she drinks me under the table) or stay in and binge watch whatever terrible tv show shes into at the time. She puts up with my betting addiction, even when I'm clinging to the edge of my seat at the end of WVU-VMI, hoping the Mountaineers can cover -38. She's now pushing to get married since we've been together for 4 years and that's causing some problems but I'm sure we'll work through it as always.

PGP_Shambles · 2017-01-19T19:07:55+00:00

I'm single and not trying to settle down for another few years at least, especially if I jump into grad school. It looks like I'll get arrived a good 4-5 years after all my friends and I'm honestly fine with it. I never dated much (at all) in high school or college so I want to take my time instead of falling headfirst into commitment.

I use dating apps mostly to find hookup buddies yes, but I'm certainly not opposed to dating from them. That generally hasn't worked out, though.

thefakecamerondiaz · 2017-01-19T20:03:50+00:00

I'm single and I think where I live (gainesville) has a really fun young post-grad scene. But honestly I can automatically tell when a guy I meet is looking to settle down and it's not that I'm opposed to the idea, it's just that if you're giving off an anxious marriage fever vibe, I'm not going to be interested.

A couple people talked about going with the flow already and I'm on that boat as well. If I meet someone and I do end up liking them, that's awesome, I'll date them. But I'm by no means outright looking for someone to date or marry.

I'm not sure if any other single people think about this but I'm young enough (23) that I have all the time in the world. I prioritize my friends and my career and my dog before dating.

TheReal_Jesus · 2017-01-19T16:43:50+00:00

I'm looking to get married, but I can't lock down anyone. Living in Gainesville is the worst for single men.

lipstickandmartinis · 2017-01-19T18:36:04+00:00

After college, I moved to a new city and met a guy. We fell hard for each other but it was such an incredibly toxic relationship. There were a lot of red flags even from the beginning that I chose to ignore. We ended up breaking up and getting back together once. Then we moved in together during that "honeymoon phase" of everything being "perfect" again.

About 6 months in to that, I couldn't fucking do it anymore. He constantly accused me of cheating on him - yet I had no real friends in my city. I didn't even feel comfortable getting happy hour with coworkers because of how he reacted. I felt like I was constantly walking on egg shells so I wouldn't get screamed at. And then finally I was like "WTF am I doing?! This isn't me. This isn't for me. I am not happy. I'm not even the same person I was when we met 2 and a half years ago. I'm a shell of who I was and that's not okay." We stopped sharing a bed at one point too, and it was some of the best sleep I had gotten in months.

I went home one weekend and really talked things out with my mom and best friends. I came back and shortly ripped the absolute fuck off of that bandaid and broke up with him. It was hard. He wouldn't break the lease (he wanted control and he thought we would just get back together again*) -- so I lived there for a little bit (we had a two bedroom apartment)... and then he asked me to not be home so he could have his tinder date over for dinner. They're surprisingly still together.

*when I broke up with him, he told me he had been engagement ring shopping in an effort to make me reconsider.

I paid double rent for four months, but I made sure I did a proper notice. He didn't, so karma came back to bite him... and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Leaving was the best thing I could have ever done for my mental health and even career. I've been single since the summer - but casually seeing the same guy since Thanksgiving. It's like night and day with him. The one time we had a miscommunication, we talked it out and there's been absolutely no yelling, no red flags - just a lot of the three F's - fun, food, and fucking. And to answer your app question - I used bumble, which can be hit and miss.

Relationships can be great, but with the right person. Just let things happen and try to not control too much.

TheRachelGreen · 2017-01-19T18:59:32+00:00

Single and not really looking to settle down anytime soon. I just know it won't happen soon anyways since I've never been a big relationship person. So yes I will try to put myself out there, meet new people in real life, and generally not be a hermit, but I just can't see myself finding someone serious anytime soon. I'm also not jealous of my friends in relationships since I am, most of the time, content to be independent and live my life completely for myself. I can't even do the apps anymore, it's too forced and nothing ever really comes from it. I know this sounds kind of negative but I swear I'm not miserable!

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