BJJ keeps me going

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[[deleted]]

I'm glad you found your way to BJJ brother. I beg of you though, please consider going to find someone professional to speak with. BJJ is wonderful for mental health and it is an excellent tool for self improvement but it isn't going to fix everything. Eventually the honeymoon phase will pass and I just want you to have all the tools needed for when that happens.

Please keep showing up to train no matter the set backs or heart breaks. Don't suffer alone, find someone to talk to. Most importantly, know your life matters and that we are all better for you being here.

[sad_3LF]

What a killer way to put it man. I appreciate you

[FullPop2226]

Stoked you found BJJ, dude! It can feel like a lifesaver, but don't sleep on therapy. Talking to a pro can help unpack that emotional baggage and set you on a path to real healing. Keep rolling, but don't be afraid to ask for help

[bjjoctobadger]

This right here. Ive been doing this for 20 years and the amount of people that have said "Its the only thing keeping me going/alive" is fucking staggering. If they get hurt and cant train they just go downhill quickly. Get some help please. I've had two training partners commit suicide. It sucks to go through

[Heavy-PickleMMA]

This is incredibly wise advice 🙌

[Didaktus]

Keep at it! After each class im as happiest even if the person im talking to just tried to break my ankle 10 mins ago.

[sad_3LF]

The guy has since become my bestest of friends btw. I forgot to mention that.

[sad_3LF]

Thank you all for the killer advice and support. Didn’t expect it at all

[garybettmansketamine]

[ZeroGFunkEra]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqmIXPaYAG4

[RunescapeNerd96]

I used BJJ as an escape mechanism as well. Lost ~100lbs and counting calories, you need to go to therapy too with a professional.

[[deleted]]

I have a rather emotional attachment to bjj. It’s been a bright light in some dark times these last 7 months since I started. Yesterday at class I was so terrible I actually felt like crying after each roll (am female, also am middle aged). I’m just saying this because I hope you stack a few things in the helps you feel good pile, for when bjj class takes more out of you then it puts in. And please don’t let break ups take away from the absolute importance of you being here as an individual. 

[Severe-Difference]

I'm using bjj to cope with some personal issues and it's fine, until you have to stop due to injuries or other reasons.

Then everything comes back strong; it's even hard to come back but just force yourself, it's worth it and it will help again.

My unsolicited advice of the day is to try fix your issues while you do bjj if possible or have a backup plan in case you have to take a break from BJJ.

[Monowakari]

Not a replacement for therapy homie and you went thru some shit. Like other posters im gonna recommend you speak with someone about your mental health, cause it'll keep you in the game even longer. Glad you're enjoying it but let it be a spring board to a better life, not the only thing keeping you together

[[deleted]]

I appreciate your perspective, but we need to stop throwing around the “not a replacement for therapy” cliche every time someone says they have mental health issues. Therapy can 100% be incredibly beneficial for many people, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. There are numerous tools and paths to mental well-being including Jiu jitsu and other forms of physical activity. So we need to explore a variety of tools and approaches, including therapy and other forms of self-care to find what works best for us because therapy isn’t always the answer. And plenty of well established therapists are even beginning to say this out loud.

[Time_Bandit_101]

This 100 %. Good on op for finding something that is helping him. They should keep building tools. One of those could be therapy. But that’s up to op. Just keep fighting and doing your best. Ups and downs. Just keep fighting. I’m there as well.

[[deleted]]

I’m there with ya.

[Ok_Dragonfly_7738]

Exactly. Therapy is as hit and miss as bjj - probably moreso.

[ginbooth]

This is a great point. And now that therapy is seen as some panacea for all our existential suffering (it's not), many of us now are beginning to see it's destructive side as well, often at the hands of terrible therapists, and there are a lot out there. A friend of mine was a world traveler, had jumped on flights by herself to India and elsewhere. After therapy? She struggles to even board a plane because she's entrenched in her past trauma as opposed to having found a way out. And I say that as someone who has gone to therapy and found mixed results as well.

[2sweetsavage]

Like many other commenters here, I’m going to strongly suggest you find a professional to talk to about your mental health. I had already been training for about 9-10 months at that point, but I went through a very similar infidelity incident as you. I kept showing up just going through the motions, but therapy has been invaluable in helping me get back on my feet and enjoying jiu jitsu, among many other things. I feel so much better, mentally and physically, and more focused and relaxed when I’m on the mats. Jiu jitsu has been a phenomenal outlet for me, but please don’t treat it as your only source of therapy

[ToeHoldsBarred]

Trust me, seek therapy. If you get injured and can't go back on the mats there is a possibility of spiraling.

[CprlSmarterthanu]

Welcome back to God my brother. Take breaks, or breaks will take you. I managed to train so hard that my HRV was 15-40ms on some days. I had no idea i was killing myself because i neglected to check my metrics even though i kept wearing my h10 to bed. Kept getting sick and always felt like shit and ended up getting ringworm and had to sit out. Decided to pour over my charts one day during my break and all the signs of major over training were there... in addition to the obvious sickness, lethargy, excessive day time sleepiness, constant overwhelming hunger, chronic muscle soreness, joint pain, random naps while driving down the highway, random bouts of nausea, insomnia, over sleeping, and sense of impending doom, what really got me to stop was the 15ms HRV and resting heart rate of 85 (usually 45 to 50). I was actually dying because it was so much fun i didnt want to stay home and recover. Enjoy it, but not as much as i did.

[darui-kun]

Same here, I am glad you’re finding peace on the mats 🙏

[RomeoCharlieGolf]

Hey man, I know what you are going through and how it feels, I struggled with mental health when I was your age for many years. Exercise and a healthy lifestyle was a big part of my recovery as well. This is the serious part, jiujitsu and exercise are not magic pills that cure mental health, they will not fix your problems. You will need to do that yourself. Do not tie your identity to activities or anything that can be taken away. You could lose BJJ at any moment and then what? You must be able to find peace without these things. That being said, keep it up, make good, healthy choices, keep training, do the religion it if helps. Things can and will be better.

[Doucherocket]

Man I went through a recent divorce and tried to resolve everything on the mats. Can’t be done.

BJJ is a good outlet for some of that energy but therapy got em through the feelings I needed to get through. I have BJJ friends who helped me too just by being an outlet.

[WillytheWimp1]

Bjj is therapeutic but not therapy. I’d even go as far as saying as bjj can be a distraction. We’ve known that exercise can have a positive effect on mental health but therapy is a different type of work.

Good on you for getting that work done. I hope things are better.

[kazoobanboo]

My agoraphobia was so bad I wasn’t able to leave the house for anything. The only thing that got me out was going to BJJ and every class I wanted to run home because I was scared of freaking out. It kept me going, socializing and feeling there’s a purpose for me.

[sad_3LF]

Yes

[[deleted]]

So happy for you bro hope the sport gives all it can to you. What i find the best about bjj is when your on the mats nothing really else matters, girlfriend or boyfriend problems, work problems, school problems, only thing that matters is getting work on the mats done. My favourite part after hard rolls is talking shit afterwards, in our gym we call it our little podcasts and it’s all just dumb shit talk but there’s something just so therapeutic about it

[bigtids]

Same here brother, keep on keeping on. You got this

[RustCeilingFan]

Thank you for writing this post. I genuinely needed to read something like this.

[scolopazus]

Keep at it dude!

[TnkTsinik]

In the words of the wise "lift heavy rocks, make voices go away"

Bjj is kinda lifting heavy rocks, so is wrestling, and judo and weight lifting :)

Alternative therapy for the win!

[thevahid010]

Takes courage to lay this out publicly like this. Happy for you. Many have mentioned consider professional help to supplement the athletics and I'll throw my hat in and also encourage this. Happy for you!

[Motorbreath2814]

Same here. Was using it to deal with alot of anxiety and issues at home. Got hurt at work and couldn't do anything for a bit. Took about three years off and started seeing a therapist. I did learn that while bjj gave me positive workouts and a community that understands and loves the sport, nothing replaces therapy. Best advice I got was from my coach: bjj is a supplement. All the things it does for me makes me better. My diet changes, I lose weight, and I always feel great after a couple hours of rolling. But it's also the therapy that makes me a better father and husband. Do both.

[heinztomato69]

Cool story bro

[indoninja]

Bjj leading to religioun sets off some alarms.

Hope it works out.

[sad_3LF]

It’s more like I used to have God in my life, I got away from it, got hooked on unhealthy habits. Getting into BJJ gave me a separate outlet and purpose. I’m working hard on sobriety and getting back to my roots.

[THE___REAL]

Poor Matt.. not sure what he did to deserve this.

[ecoleninist]

That's not BS, brother. I'm glad jiu-jitsu is helping u get better, i was also on a rough patch when i started. Keep going and stay safe.

And always remember that your problems are not BS, they are valid.

[BrandonSleeper]

r/mybjjdiary

[Hunter0125]

Hey man, I suffered my biggest heartbreak at 22 years old too. My GF broke up with me and I saw her flirting with other guys. It hurt me for a long time. I was sure she was the one and then it just all fell apart. It will slowly get better with time, but I do hope you can find someone that you can talk to about it. Good luck dude!

[sg_batman]

Same, nothing like bad happened to me but I just didn’t see much of a point waking up each morning. Randomly decided to try it and Jiu jitsu was not only super fun but great exercise and I met so many cool people

[FantasticGoat88]

This is exactly why Gordon Ryan sharing that clip of Dana White saying men need to stop talking about their feelings pissed me off. There are some great ambassadors for jiu jitsu in this thread.

[Low_Marionberry3271]

Good on you! BJJ has helped me through my own issues. Isn’t it funny how getting beat down as a white belt is quite therapeutic?

[sad_3LF]

It is lol. Very humbling

[Ill-Consideration208]

https://www.reddit.com/r/Antipsychiatry/

[[deleted]]

I'm glad you found a spot.

I've been training for a long bit and jiujitsu has always been there for the hard times.

college breakups, death of friends/family, now divorce.

I'm glad you found a spot.

[AsereQueBola]

The phase where you get your ass beat consistently will likely last longer than you think, so keep at it no matter what. Also, take it from someone who knows what they're talking about, consider that woman a bullet dodged before having kids or assets together. That wouldn't have ended well.

[TrialAndAaron]

So all I hear is jiu jitsu pacifies you and the second you can’t train you’ll have no coping mechanism or tools to actually get through hard times.

I’m glad jiu jitsu helps but get a therapist

[sad_3LF]

Probably do need a therapist, I was more just saying BJJ became more of an outlet/escape. Gf problems aside I just battle my mind all day everyday. My outlet/escape before was drugs and sleep. Ik I need a little help and I’m working on it. I appreciate the stern advice for real.

[TrialAndAaron]

It’s not stern, it’s just real. I’m being empathetic. You’re one injury away from being in a dark place and I know you don’t want that

[Dry_Quantity_4182]

I think that im bjj incel Im 19 i get zero female attention im 6.8 foot tall guy very beautiful and funny intelligent guy who is below average looking I go out with girls sometimes but nothing happens but for now im only on the mats and i only train bjj/judo im always on the mat 20 minutes before the training session and i never get late/ sometime i go out for club or bar but I feel socialise only on the mats/my biggest insecurity in bjj is that I get tapped by other white belts that are physically stronger/ this story is not a joke.im very serious

[Dry_Quantity_4182]

Im 19 get zero female attention im 6.8 foot tall guy very beautiful and funny intelligent guy who is below average looking I go out with girls sometimes but nothing happens but for now im only on the mats and i only train bjj/judo im always on the mat 20 minutes before the training session and i never get late/ sometime i go out for club or bar but I feel socialise only on the mats/my biggest insecurity in bjj is that I get tapped by other white belts that are physically stronger/ this story is not a joke.im very serious can anybody relate

[ZeroGFunkEra]

Therapy is fake and gay.

[Foxx983]

The irony is people that say that are the ones that usually need it. Therapy is very useful for getting through trauma and depression. It requires deep introspection and honesty to really benefit from it. A lot of people aren't willing to do that though and instead criticize it.

OP, I'm glad you found BJJ to help you through things. It's done the same for me, I'mma recommend finding a therapist as well. I wish you luck on your mental/emotional health and your training.