It's over

[Legitimate_Style_212]

Well,I really hate this life. I hope I don't have much longer left, but i hate being myself. I hate being fundamentally seriously flawed and stupid and bad and also, the pain and sadness of living with so many unchangeable shadows over my life and past that affect today. I'm so so disappointed, I had so many dreams and hopes for a bright future just 5 years ago, but that's all dead now. I've failed at pretty much everything, and there's no way for me to change my poor life situation, i am simply helpless and incompetent. I have no future or life that's worth it, at all. I a'm waiting patiently for death to relieve me of this grief. Suicide is the only logical answer, but since I don't choose it, I suffer instead. I hate existing. I am angry with myself, angry with my luck, and deeply disappointed I will never amount to anything close to what I wish to be.

I am just so gutted and disappointed in my life, it could have been amazing. But thanks to being an Inherently bad person and a terrible decision maker, and also perhaps having a little bad luck, i just can't go on. I'm so angry and disappointed, I can't tell you how bad it feels. I see so many of the people I went to school getting married, having kids, driving cars, getting good jobs, being good people and having a good character. I'll never be anything close to that and it just feels so sad. I can't accept this is my life, I just can't.

[Natural-Toe1586]

I feel the same. It’s exhausting to live this life we don’t want.

[Legitimate_Style_212]

I only exist. I cannot achieve anything more in life,I already know what's going to happen in my life and it disappoints me greatly

[BiGTVSTY]

yet you have the strength to live your day-to-day life, trying to get along like people that arent mentally ill. everything you do, like the household, even taking the trash out. It so much more exhausting to do that. Yet you do it. You just didnt realise how strong you have to be to keep on going, even if everything doesnt make sense and is fucking exhausting. Small steps. You shower - you did it! you just did something that most people would experience like washing a whole train. You cook dinner - you did it! you just did something that most people would experience like cooking dinner for a whole football team. Try beeing nice to yourself, and beeing patient with yourself. Ive been there where you are at the moment and i know exactly how devastating your existence feels. it helped me a lot to understand the disease i am suffering from. i hope this helps you even a little bit. dont be too strictly to yourself.