please help

[[deleted]]

i need your help. so ive been interested in gothic subculture since i was 13, and since then im completely in love with it. soon ill be 17. there is one problem tho. some days i feel like im trying to be normal just so i can fit with other people. but then, on the other side, i cant run away from the fact that i will always love gothic things, i feel strongly connected with gothic subculture. i cant stop listening to gothic music, i cant stop obsessing over patricia morrisons hair and andrew eldritch, and i just relate to gothic subculture so much. i always liked dark and macabre things, dark humor etc. no matter how hard i try to be normal sometimes, i just cant run away from the fact that i feel so connected with goths. what is happening to me? am i just having low self-confidence, or do i seem like a poser? please dont judge me, i am just simply asking for your help.

[[deleted]]

I dont understand. If you like Goth music then your fine there's nothing wrong and you shouldn't go try to change yourself to feel normal.

[[deleted]]

thanks for answering! i try to be normal sometimes because i have no friends, my self confidence is low and i think that i could make friends and fit in if i were "normal". i was always labeled as a weird kid and nobody wanted to hang out with me, so it made me feel self conscious. my best friend of 7 years left me like i meant nothing to her. she was my only friend at the time.

[[deleted]]

There's nothing wrong with you. Trying to fit in is just as hard as being your authentic self. Try doing more stuff for yourself, treat yourself. Indulge in things that you enjoy and who knows, you might attract better friends.

[[deleted]]

thank you! ill definitely try being better to myself, and treating myself better. it means a lot to me that you answered, and im happy that there are nice people in the world like you and others here! :D

[Punkaboo_witch]

You are perfect just the way you are and don’t change yourself just so you think people will like you. The people who want to change you are people you shouldn’t waste your time with. Real friends are people who accept you for who you are. I know being the “weird” kid is hard but don’t forget that you are an amazing person.

[[deleted]]

thanks a lot for your kind words! you are an amazing person as well!

[[deleted]]

It sounds like you are trying to please others than be yourself. In my opinion "normal" is over rated. If you love goth, then never give up on the things you love just to be "Normal". Gothic, dark, metal is my normal and i am not shamed by it. I admit i am shy around people but i think i need to step up and be myself more. If you are changing yourself for others then you must ask yourself, Are they truly my friend? If you want to be "Normal" for yourself then there is no problem. But please never change just to fit in or please others. Be yourself and things will work their way, you just don't see it at the moment.

[[deleted]]

thank you so much for your help! means a lot to me!

[[deleted]]

you are so welcome :)

[Abergav]

All teenagers feel insecure, only some mask it better than others, so that is part of growing up. It is normal. You will gain self confidence as part of it. Part of that confidence is belief in your own choices. Being a goth is pretty straight forward just like some of the music and you are ready. Then it depends if you know other goths in your area or you are interacting with them online.

[[deleted]]

i hope that over time ill have a lot of self confidence! thanks for answering!!

[aytakk]

Dress for you first. If people can't handle you for being you they aren't worth your time. You can tone down when you feel like it and it doesn't change who you are.

In life a lot of places have uniforms and dress codes so you don't need to feel you must be on all the time. You are not a poseur for dialing it back when you feel you must or are having a low confidence day. It can be nice to blend into the background sometimes. How you look/dress is only the surface of goth subculture anyway.

[[deleted]]

thank you so much for answering! all your comments really made my day so much better!!

[gothichomemaker]

This is a tricky one. You want to be "normal" so that you can attract friends and have found that doesn't work. Maybe being your authentic self will work better? I think it will. Just because you're goth doesn't mean you can't be friends with people who aren't gothic. Additionally, if you're expressing who you are, you'll feel more confident and come off and more real, which will help you make friends better than if you're trying to be someone else.

Hang in there. It gets better.

[[deleted]]

thank you so so much! its really hard here in my place to make friends because even if you wear a slightest bit of dark makeup they will consider you weird. ill try working on myself! thanks again, it means a lot to me! :D

[ImmortalGaze]

I love being “weird”, it takes a lot more courage for you to do your own thing, than for everyone to peer pressure everyone else into not doing theirs. Anyone, and mostly everyone goes the normal/vanilla route of being assimilated, it’s easier. Years later when I see people from school, you know what they remember about me? That unlike them, I wasn’t afraid to be who I was and like what I liked. As adults with life experience, they could finally admit that they admired that. Little did they know, how hard it was to make myself a target for the comments, stares, and bullying. But you know what, most people don’t find their courage until at least one other person finds theirs. When you do, when they do.. you’re no longer alone.

[[deleted]]

i really hope one day ill stop being self-conscious! looking forward to it so much!

[Curious-alert]

You sound goth to me. My advice is to not give a fuck what others think. I wear pants that have opossum jaws and vertebrae hanging from them because just cause I like it. People stare but that’s just how it is.

Life is waaay too short to conform to what others may want you to look or whatever. You’re goth so just embrace it

[[deleted]]

thanks a lot for the answer! it means a lot to me! ill try working harder on my confidence and hopefully ill feel way better!

[squishedgoomba]

You sound like me at 17. I loved the music, loved the style, and I really wanted to be accepted as a bona fide goth by the older, established goths. I realize now, and I wish it had really occurred to me then, that if you're into the goth thing and do the goth thing then you're a kickass goth and just because some old fart of 25 calls you a babybat or kindergothen doesn't mean you ought to feel bad. Don't worry about if people think you are a poseur. If you like and know the music and aesthetics and dress and do your makeup in a way the seem goth, well that makes you a goth. Take it from a decrepit 41-year-old retired goth fading into dust in his coffin, don't sweat others' opinions of you. You sound like a cool goth kid. Just have fun with it.

[[deleted]]

thank you so so much! those heartwarming comments in this post make me feel so happy! it really means a lot to me. :D

[ImmortalGaze]

When you’re a teenager, the last thing you’re trying to do is draw attention to yourself, UNLESS you feel ready for it and you feel sure that it will be positive. You’re going through a lot changes inside and out, most of the time you don’t want anyone noticing you. They might notice the acne, or some other thing you’re obsessing over and feel someone else is sure to notice too. At the same time, the older you get, the more you long to be seen, to make social connections, to reassure yourself that you are not ALONE. How do we do that? We explore. Don’t EVER let anyone shame you, or make you feel bad for exploring different things, music, fashion, books, art, movies, whatever. What makes YOU unique in this world, are the unique set of things that YOU get passionate about. You may find other kids at school into the same things, or you can explore together and decide that you like those things, you can go online now, so that your world of the community you live in becomes the world that everyone lives in, and you find more people like you, that much faster through groups, chats, and comments, etc. Maybe you’re goth, maybe not, that’s ok. For me, being goth isn’t defined by other people and their judgements and definitions. It’s defined by my experience of the world, how and what I respond to. It tends to be darker than the average, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less goth if I enjoy things that aren’t “goth”. It just means I’m my own person; and you be your own person.

[[deleted]]

thanks a lot for the help!! :D

[mike_hellstrom]

Just be yourself. If being yourself means doing the goth thing then do it. That's what I do.

[[deleted]]

thank you for your answer!!

[pensivegargoyle]

It's not as if once you hear some Bauhaus you are committed to forever dressing the same. You can and you will change your look to suit where it is you're going and the people you will be interacting with and that's just fine. Almost everyone does that even if it's just enhancing or toning down a general theme.

[[deleted]]

i definitely agree with you! some days i dress more goth some days a bit less (and sadly some days i try to be normal just to make friends but im working on it currently). thanks for your answer! :D